I find I am saying less, and yes I talk a lot. I can't really remember what it's like overseas but here in NZ if you say something about yourself instead of listening the other person will usually come back with a statement about themselves. Example: 'Our gardens are looking great this year' reply 'I had a garden 10 years ago that was terrible, I did this and I did that, I've found this and I've found that etc etc'. Or the reply may be some sort of judgement on what you said, 'I feel a bit sad today', reply 'You're always complaining'. So it's best not to divulge too much about yourself, what you say can be decried or misunderstood, I'm past justifying my statements or saying no I didn't mean that etc. Usually the other person is off on their own bent anyway.
So I have given up and am listening more and people are generally very interesting, I don't have to say much, not many comments are needed. But some day it would be nice to talk to someone who just listens and says 'oh yes?' 'what do you think about that?' 'that's interesting' and let the conversation continue without drawing it away to them or shutting me down. I often feel I don't really fit in this culture, not sure where I would fit, if anywhere at all, but a few times when I've raised my voice just slightly with friends they have immediately jumped on me (figuratively) and said 'don't get mad! maybe we should talk about something else...'. How would they survive in a Latin environment with emotions, voices, arms, expressions being raised all over the place. What's wrong with putting emotion into your voice? Why not be able to express how you feel as you speak. Why is it so threatening to others that they feel uncomfortable and can't handle it. It's frustrating for me I can tell you.
I remet an old friend from my long ago past and spent an hour or two with her recently. She was a delight to listen to, interesting and full of information about what had happened to people we knew when we were younger and stories about happenings in her life. Twice she said she had done enough talking and she wanted to know about me and mine. The first time I had a bit of a blank and couldn't think of anything interesting to contribute, I blame these moments on chemo-brain, and managed to get her telling me about something else. Second time I made a statement about a decision made in my teenage life to which she replied that when her children had made a wrong decision... mmm... I hadn't said I had made a wrong decision, so I said, 'it wasn't a wrong decision, just a decision. But it was too late, the die was cast, perhaps she felt it was a wrong decision and that coloured her perception of what I said. Better to talk about other things.
I'm sure I am exactly the same and finally now I am realising it and trying to stop doing it.
