I’ve always wanted to go to Laos, the People’s Democratic Republic, a nation of struggling communist people. Did you know that Laos is the most bombed country in the world? I think they worked it out to be 3 tonnes of bomb per person. You can see the recycled shells used on farms and bridges. I was very disappointed because I never expected Laos to be so touristy…it was in your face touristy.
Vang Vieng is the biggest crap hole ever. Do not under any circumstances go there unless of course you are under the age of 30, have no cultural sense whatsoever and are only interested in getting shit-faced all day and everyday…oh and possibly you may want to do a bit of tubing. Imagine yourself floating down a river in a rubber tube surrounded by beautiful sceneries…lovely and serene except for the fact that every 10 yards there is a bar. A bar with the loudest music, people from the bar pulling you from the river into their bar for free shots and food and buckets of rum and whiskey for a couple of dollars. Plus every bar had a zip line or swing rope for all the drunken people to throw themselves from a great height into the river below. I have never seen anything like it in my life, well not in a communist country. What utter nonsense, of course I whole heartedly joined in the fun, nearly broke my coxic in the process.
Thank goodness for Luang Prabang, a beautiful heritage site and well deserved. Most of the so called heritage site are pants. Forget about the multiple night markets all selling the same old trash. It was the beautiful temples that were awesome. I saw small and large stupors in the distant set amongst an old French colonial town…even prettier in the sunset.
I was looking forward to the sunrise as I heard so much about the monks collecting alms at dawn. My room mate and I woke up at 5am so that we wouldn’t miss the amazing sights of the monks. I missed it anyway as on our way there I was mugged. 2 guys on a motorbike came very quietly from behind (I didn’t even hear the engine) and snatched my bag off my shoulder. It didn’t occur to me right away what had happened as all I felt was a small nudge. When it clicked I just felt so stupid and thought oh crap. I panicked for about 2 minutes mainly because of the passport and then after getting to the nearest police station I just resigned to the fact that the bag was gone and I was never going to see it again. If anything my room mate seemed more concerned about it than me.
I felt so stupid for having all my stuff in the bag. Normally it’s in different places but it was 5 am and I automatically grabbed my bag and went out still half asleep I guess. Oh well it’s a lesson learned. My passport will be permanently strapped to my arse from now on.
Then the hassle started…having to get the right documents from this department and then from another department. Obviously at one point I was given the wrong information and at the border between Laos and Thailand I was not allowed to leave. After trying to blag my way out of Laos and failing I had to leave my group behind and go back to where the robbery happened. Of I went on the dreaded overnight bus to go back and get the correct forms. I eventually got to the police station and was taken to the “Department of Correcting Mistakes”. So I was right someone had made a mistake. Everything was going ok until they told me that I would need to go back to the capital city to do this all again as the forms I had only allowed me to travel within Laos but not out of it. This was Monday and I had to get all the right forms by Tuesday at the latest because all the government offices closed from Wednesday onwards for their New Year’s celebration. Unfortunately for me a lot of the government people were celebrating earlier. Every time I got somewhere someone would have gone home early and I had to come back the next day. Luckily by Tuesday afternoon I had my exit papers and was allowed to leave Laos without any hassle. Unfortunately my exit papers only allowed me to go back to Thailand; apparently it was the nearest country with a UK embassy. I argued at length regarding this silly decision for 3 reasons mainly. Thailand and Laos shared the same holidays which would have meant me hanging around Bangkok for a week until the embassy opened again. While Bangkok is a lovely city, I didn’t fancy it at that time because the red shirt riots were just kicking off and a few people had been shot dead in the streets already and finally I have no one in Thailand, no friends or family. And for someone with no identification and no money it’s a big worry. I finally convinced the immigration people at Vientiane airport to let me fly to Malaysia. I was ready to fly to KL that night when my lovely sister who lives in Malaysia insisted on joining me in Laos for moral support. She took it upon herself to come rescue me. At the time I was just annoyed because now I had to think about another person not just me. But after she arrived I actually enjoyed her company and was glad of the support. I’m not really used to all that so at first I was so against it but in the end I was glad she was with me.
We made the most of her short trip. We couldn’t fly back till Thursday as it was the only flight to KL that week (I had missed the one on Tuesday). Like I said it was New Year’s week and it was a celebration of water. So we got wet everywhere we went, by foot or by tuk tuk we got drenched. Every street corner, shop and even guesthouses were drenching people. Even the guys in the cars…some of them in great big trucks with barrels of water. I got so many buckets of water thrown over me…even when we were shopping too. It was one wet week.
Finally got to KL and was stuck in immigration overnight as I didn’t have a passport to enter Malaysia. It was fine as I changed my flight to the next day at great expense as well so that I only had the inconvenience of 1 night. But alas things don’t always go the way you planned. The next morning I was told all flights to Europe was cancelled until further notice because some stupid volcano in Iceland decided to spew its contents and disrupt the whole of Europe. I actually started to cry…only very slightly though this made the immigration officers feel sorry for me. They gave me a special 2 weeks pass to stay in Malaysia until I got a new passport or until the flight ban was lifted, which ever came first and I didn’t care. I just went home with my sister and chilled out, went shopping and ate all my favourite foods until I figured out what to do.
UK embassy in KL was a bit of a pain and kept sending me back to get more evidence. I finally gave up on them and decided to fly out on Sunday but got offloaded at the last minute even after being cleared by UK border patrol at the airport. Apparently UK embassy in KL decided to teach me a lesson for using my own initiative, never fly to the UK without a passport…that’s what the lady told me. I was so tempted to punch someone in the face but as I was surrounded by Police and other official looking people I just laughed instead, almost hysterical laugh actually.
Went back to the airport again (groundhog day or what) and this time with the correct documents and went on standby. Luckily there was a seat and I finally came home 8 days later, a stone heavier and 2 grand lighter.
