This Easter I decided to visit Yemen. Not really a tourist destination but I’ve always been fascinated by it especially the island of Socotra which is supposed to be the Galapagos of the Middle East. Who the hell told them that? What a cruddy little place. Not much wildlife at all apart from some scary looking birds and funny trees with no leaves except for a few flowers on the top. Other than that it was just an island with not much to see or do. As they were not really equipped yet for tourism, they were basically missing out on the best part the island had to offer which was its beautiful beaches and coast. A lovely boat trip or cruise for snorkelling or diving is the only thing it’s good for. I didn’t swim once as I really didn’t want to be gawped at in a Muslim country but hey there were some French and Italian women on the beach with their tits out – why I was worried I will never know.
The stay on the island was a little longer than I expected, I got bored of the caves and beaches. One morning I just slept in till about 1pm. I met up with the guide later that day and he said that he had a surprise for me. He said while I was asleep he went out and bought lobsters (he bought these for me because I mentioned it would be nice to have some seafood on this island). I was really impressed. Also that we would be going to see a wedding and we had to leave straight away and they said they would pack up the lobster and eat it at the wedding. I was up for that, so they took me along so that I may experience a real Yemeni wedding. I had an experience alright. What was meant to be an hour’s visit turned into 10 hours. The guide left me with one of the women and said that she was his friend’s wife. So I followed her into a brick house which looked like a shambles but a bit of a tardis when I got in. Also a bit of a shock as I walked into a courtyard with about 50 women. Suddenly they all took of their burkhas. It was great, I was finally able to see their faces, unfortunately I had no idea which lady was my lady, the one who was looking out for me. I only got to see her eyes. So I was passed from one lady to another to ogle at my western clothes and made to dance with every single one of them. It was torture. About 5 hours in they brought out some biscuits and tea…and then more dancing, oh yeah and it was the same type of music all the way through. Luckily one of the ladies had some understanding of simple English and realised I liked their henna on their bodies. Suddenly, I say suddenly because they just pull you to wherever they want you to go – they held my hand and took me through an intricate maze of streets and into another courtyard. They took me into a room and lay me on their floor. One by one they pulled up my sleeves and trouser leg to expose my bare skin…at this point I though I was a goner. I kind of knew they wanted to do some henna or at least I thought that was what I was trying to say in my crappy Arabic but when you have no idea what is happening or where you are being taken too, your mind does tend to work overtime and think of all kinds of horrible things. Being taken hostage was one of them. Finally I was hennad within an inch of my life, my limbs went dead and I suffered from pins and needles but finally it was over. They cleaned of the excess henna and said that it was time to eat. Thank goodness as I was famished. The henna was really pretty and I was impressed with the results even though I thought the process was a little scary. The food finally arrived, I say food what we had was a huge tray of rice and on top of the rice was what can only be described as everything that came from a cow except the actual meat. There were brains, liver, lung, intestines etc. It was gross, definitely the worse wedding I’ve ever been to. And in all that time I never once saw the bride or groom or even another man. By the way the lobster was in the land rover all that time. The guys at the café had cooked it and put it in a carrier bag for me to take to the wedding but I never got a whiff of it in all that time. Finally got back to my hotel at about 2 am when the guide hands me the carrier bag with the cooked lobsters in. I was so hungry I ate it in my room straight out of the bag. It was delicious and I couldn’t care how sick I was the next morning, luckily my stomach in made of steel and there were no embarrassing incidents.
At last I left the island and headed for the mainland. Sanaa was ok; I liked the architecture of the old town. Some of the towns we visited with castles and villages on top of hills were just beautiful.
The other thing about the Yemenis that I must mention is their addiction with Qat which is a natural amphetamine which they chew all day and night. This is true for 90% of the population, obviously mainly the men. They spend so much of their money on it that it is becoming a real problem.. They say it’s not a drug because basically it’s just a bunch of leaves and stalks that they chew. They don’t just chew it and spit it out. They buy a small plastic bag of these leaves and stalks and one by one stuff these into their mouths chewing and chewing and at the same time stuffing more and more and never spitting it out. Eventually they have a mouthful of chewed leaves inside their cheeks, it looks like they have a face tumour but they are all at it. Drivers, farmers, shopkeeper hotel managers, porters etc all look like hamsters for most of the day. It was weird. Really off putting when I was chatting to my guide and bits of green juice and gunk would just ooze out of their mouths…really gross.
By the end of the trip I was looking forward to getting home as I realise now that places like Yemen as much of the same. Hot weather, not much to do, no shopping opportunities, crappy food, oppressed women and horny men…well not the ones drugged up on Qat.
