Ed in Oz Travels around the stations & pubs of Australia

A Couple of Yarns - Eat your heart out Peter Kay

AUSTRALIA | Saturday, 23 June 2007 | Views [1811] | Comments [10]

Just thought I should tell you a couple of stories about some of the guys that work in NW Queensland while I remember.

No 1

After a long Tuesday night in Quamby pub, a Aussie fella and a German fella decided to drive home. They were both pretty drunk, and had to drive about 17km on the road before turning onto a private road. They left the pub about 2am. . . missed the turnoff to the station they are working on and carried on driving until they ran out of fuel. On sobering up in the morning they realised that they had travelled around 100km past their turnoff and were well on the way to Burke & Wills.

Thay had to flag down a passing car and get towed back to the turnoff where the boss was waiting. They managed to arrive home 7 hrs after they set off on a 30 min journey.

Drink driving is wrong, but on this occasion is was also very funny.

No 2

The same two fellas were out checking water. The German guy on a quad bike and the Aussie on a motorbike. While driving back to the homestead they spotted a wild pig (big pest in Australia) so set a dog after it. Unfortunatly dog and pig were both lost. Upon returning to one of the farm tracks the pig was running down the middle of the road. The Aussie said to the German "Chase the pig on your bike and knock it over and park on top of it" This entails going slightly quicker than the pig, and pinning it to the floor so it can't get up. The German set off hot on the heals of the pig. He caught up to the pig quickly but unfortunatly for him and the quad, managed to hit the pig at 60kph. The bike flipped over and over and over, and the pig got away. Bike was pretty much wrecked and German got a nice case of gravel rash.

No 3

I was in the pub having a quite rum and coke lst night (22.6.07), and upon returning from the toilet walked into the bar and a scene which resembeled an episode on Phoenix Nights. There standing next to the pool table was a real life horse. I don't know when it got in, who let it in, or where it came from, but certainly an unreal moment. I do have photos to post of this incident !!

It's still cold in Curry, and the rain is still falling.

Tags: Laughter

Comments

1

Hi Jolly Swagman
A word of advice Eddy - take a little more water with it!!!!!
LOL Mum & Dad xx

Mum & Dad Jun 25, 2007 6:18 PM

2

Hi Jolly Swagman
Horses do not play pool - polo perhaps!!! You just got the letters in the wrong order! Stupid boy.
It has rained all day today and we have alot of flooding in UK. The wettest June for 50 years and now we want the sun to shine. Went over to the cycle rally on the Knavesmire yesterday, a little damp but not too bad, but I think the threat of poor weather had put many people off and the atmosphere did not seem to be quite the same.
Take good care Eddy
Lots of love Mum & Dad xx

Mum & Dad Jun 26, 2007 4:21 AM

3

Well I'm just passing a few moments following your progress and I notice that your mum and dad went to York for the cycle rally. They probably went with their kayaks as it has been quite wet in that area. Anyway it reminded me that it's about time we had another ride together or one in front of the other. With that in mind I went into Wales on the weekend of the York Rally. The weather was cool but it did not rain. The reason was to tackle the Dragon ride 90 miles over the hills in Glamorgan, some 5,500feet of climbing. So even if you are super slim after all your activities in the outback, I think it will be you following me next time. My brother has now moved from Chinchilla up to Blackwater (I think). It's on the road from Rockhampton to Emerald. So there still miles between you but it makes my life interesting trying to map out visits.
Anyway keep the tinnies flowing and keep up the language business. Who knows with a little German you may be with that girl on the train in Berlin by now!!!

John Jul 11, 2007 6:14 AM

4

Hi Jolly Swagman
The rain continues to fall in UK and we are all growing webbed feet! June had been the wettest on record and I guess it may be trying to break that record in July!
We did manage to get to the first day of the Great Yorkshire Show - Mary came with us and after a journey of some 3. 3/4 hours we eventually managed to park the car and make the long trek into the show ground. It stayed dry all day thankfully and I do think that the other two days were quite reasonable too. The ground was pretty good considering and I think all the avents passed off without interuption. Keith Carol and Judith were there so we managed to catch up with them which was nice. Mary did ever so well and really enjoyed herself.
Were the Welsh Dragons in front or behind you John! Hope you enjoyed what sounds to have been a very strenuous climb up the mountains.
Plans continue to fall into place for the Wedding and last weekend we went over to Tockwith Church to hear the Banns being read, they are to be read twice more. It was lovely to see the Church - meet the Vicar who will marry Andy and Ms - and also to meet some of the very friendly congregation.
Not long before you will be home Eddy and we are all looking forward to seeing you again.
Take good care and have fun Eddy
With our love Mum & Dad xx

Mum & Dad Jul 14, 2007 4:02 AM

5

Hey Eddy,

Glad to see that you seem to be enjoying yourself, think you may have lost a bit of timber too.

I still haven't got away yet and it may be a few months yet - aarrrghh!

Still not sure when or where? Not knowing is frustrating. Things are great guns with Sarah and spend most weekends together. have seen a few different countries - Ireland in March, Spain last month and we are going to Prague, Zurich and the French alps next month for a weeks holiday.

All good, will try and keep in touch more frequently especially when i am overseas.

Been thunder storms today - still haven"t had a summer yet!

Nige.

Nige Jul 18, 2007 3:58 AM

6

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your
family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager

Andrew Atkinson Jul 19, 2007 3:54 AM

7

Hi Jolly Swagman
T'was really great to see the photographs and to hear from you again. We are all fine and really looking forward to seing you again.
It is the steam fair at Masham this weekend and so we may well go - weather permitting. Andy is going over on Sat evening to see Mel who is showing a Wagon. I think they are going to sleep in the back of the wagon overnight so I am sure there will be a shortage of Black Sheep in the area. Now perhaps I had better re-word that - Black Sheep is of course a beer which is produced in Masham!
It is Ms hen party this weekend and so I hope they all have a good time.
Guess you will be back in Rocky shortly so do remember us to Josh,Michaela Horse and everyone else and do hope you enjoy your stay there. I am sure you will. Do remember us to Sacha if you catch up with her in Brisbane.
Take good care Eddy
LOL Mum & Dad xx

Mum & Dad Jul 19, 2007 5:08 AM

8

I know you are all thinking the same, I thought I'd might as well say it "Picture 50" "BROKE BACK ED".

Skelly.

Skelly Jul 27, 2007 2:08 AM

9

Hi Ed,

Good to see you are still enjoying life 'down under'. Obviously thrown yourself into the Aussie male culture of drinking plenty of tinnies mate!

However be careful if you try their sports ie Aussie Rules! I'd stick to the booze if I were you!

Friend of mine emigrating to Perth in the next couple of months. HBOS (my employer) are also expanding in Austrailia - they own Bank West and are creating circa 4,000 new jobs and are looking to expand more to the East of Oz.

Keep 'living the dream'

Take care

Lee

Lee Windle Jul 27, 2007 6:57 AM

10

Only a couple of weeks to go till u come back to this well washed out country! Simon n i have bought a flat near garforth n have been together for one whole year on the 4th aug! Can't beleeve its gone so quack sorry i mean quick!(its the rain its getting to me)
i haven't forgotten that u promised to take me clay pigeon shooting!I hope ure well n i promise that wen ure home u can join us both for a beer on the balcony (weather permittin!) take care Ed c u soon love Emma J N Simon x x x x

emms n si Jul 28, 2007 6:40 AM