He only went out for some milk A blurb of monstrous proportions - it was only supposed to be a couple of lines and the odd photo.

Yup i was right, the shares taxi consists of 4 in the front and 3 in half of the back seat. The other half being taken up by vegetables, my bag and a chicken (I'm joking). Still it's only 2 hours and i have beach and sea at the end of it. I can't describe how good it is to be by the sea again. Serendipity beach is OK, although dirty, but a couple of miles down the beach is heaven. I sign up for a PADI course, meet up with Jenny and find myself thinking of spending a week or two here. Well it turns into 12 days. I've spent less time in countries than that. My PADI course is excellent, i take a 1 night live-a-board to the island of Ko Tang to do 4 dives as part of my PADI. The group that goes out is mainly a mixture of English as a first language people - very strange. One of them is Naomi who i immediately fall in lust for - i can say this as none of the group have my email. The only problem is she has a hulk of a boyfriend called Goran and men's feet. Hmmm I'd spent an afternoon in the swimming pool a couple of days before. The first 5 minutes of being underwater with the regulator were a claustrophobic scariness i never want to feel again. Apart from my worrying inability to find my regulator when it's not in my mouth at 14m depth, all goes well. In fact all goes fantastic - i love it. Visibility is pretty good at 15 - 20m, i see bat fish and Morey eels amongst an amazing array of fish i can't name. i also attempt to dive from the top of the boat - lets remember i am scared of heights and i hate the feeling of falling. My first dive becomes a fantastic belly flop from about 5m, eventually when i have decided i probably can still have children i have another go. Imagine the exact opposite of a belly flop...i didn't even try for a third time lucky. ouch. I have a day trip to the mangrove swamps, to hopefully see some wildlife. I do see several sea Eagles, but it's worth the trip just for the secluded beach, and no rubbish for once. I also have a go and learning to sail. It a catamaran by the name of Hobie, and i do get the hang of it. I also make myself seasick, in my defence they were really big waves :) I eat out every night, i know, it's a hard life. This ones worth mentioning however - a Japanese restaurant in Cambodia. i order a whole crab, clams, sliced fillet of beef, and potatoes wrapped in bacon - very Asian i know. I think again and order Asian veggies too, and yes there is only one of me. I am sat right by the 'cooking plate', and am totally mesmerised by the cooking process. One of the cooks is a tall, lithe, fantastically looking Japanese girl who thinks cooking is obviously an art form. there's an amazing movement of arms, and giving the food the dead eye. i can also see right down the front of her dress, which helps with my fascination. My crab arrives, i have a pair of scissors and chopsticks with which to eat it...hmmmm. 2 minutes later my crab leg flies in the air and lands under a chair next to some guys feet. The guy is swinging his legs and the crab keeps coming within millimeters of his feet. I've been reading a Zadie Smith book lately and i discover that my next action is very goyish. I pretend it wasn't my crab leg, and that I haven't noticed it fly halfway across the room. it's like when i go in a shop and go out the same way, because i have a bad sense of direction and i pretend i meant to, or when someone asks me how long I've been travelling and i look at my watch. Very goyish apparently. Anyway i digress. it was a great meal, great food, a great beer or 5, and an interesting night with me not knowing whether to look down the girls dress, at the crab leg or think about Naomi and her man's feet..