After another full day in the fields, and by that I mean 7am to 2pm, we have been given another two days off. Talk about easing yourself back into things. Praise be to beer that I have plenty of time to sit around and nurse my injuries. I have three toes now acting like the humps of a camel, my dodgy foot is exploring new heights of arthritic complaint, which in turn, has brought on such pain in my ass that I think I'm either enduring nightly interference from Adam as I sleep, or I have sciatica. Adding insult to injury, the dirty, fuzzy mop on my head is so beyond the discipline of hair products, that the monkey fluff is extremely disadvantageous to my sex appeal.
Not that Adam shares such concerns. On one of our first nights here, two giggling Korean girls overcame polite reservation and kept telling Adam over and over just how handsome he is. Handsome man just laughed it off as a tautology, and went about his business in his usual humble and inconspicuous manner. What business it is Adam goes about doing is something I am undoubtedly going to become quite familiar with, given the living conditions here in 'H Division'. Living so closely together, I think I might propose to Adam soon.
So what is the story about our little farm community? The Oasis Berry Farm, a name that falsely implies berries other than strawberry's are grown here. Plenty of Asian greens are growing every where, an offer not made, but too tempting to resist nonetheless. The farm is 3 hours walk from the nearest shops, a fact that a couple of Korean pickers found out the hard way. And by doing so, they demonstrated a degree of boredom I fear may eventuate if full time work doesn't begin before the next pay day. Everyone not a boss here, seems determined to make the most of the facilities and supplies to fire up their own massive hydro crop of marijuana. Some have already started.
And what is there to do here, too far to walk to the front gate, let alone to any other form of civilisation? Spinning yarns around the campfire is a pretty regular and enjoyable past time. Creating dysphemisms for things the unstable workers do, including one of them constantly oscillating between being an almost bearable bloke to a loose cannon wanting to fight anyone who ventures into range of his flailing rain makers. He has already offered to go a few rounds with me when I facetiously referred to his throwing technique as showing more than a passing resemblance to that of a womans. For once laughter was not the best way to diffuse a situation.
Adam and I are taking culinary delights to heights unseen in this sheltered enclave. Some of the meals us two fine food loving, peer critic, coffee snob, beer guzzling, professional chef & cook have whipped up have drawn gasps of delight. Mainly from us, but many a grasp has issued forth from spectators while we gorged ourselves on delicious vegetarian food. Adam was sure that were just amazed at how much food I kept shoveling into my mouth with each fork full though. While not succumbing to the brain washing I indoctrinate my cooking with, Adam has kept his carnivorous ways, but more than happily makes all meals vegan for the sake of the fussy ones among us.
A part of every day is dedicated to mastering the unicycle, a past time that seems to force most people here to question the benefit of learning such a skill. 75% of the time required to get comfortable on the seat is dedicated to making sure this is a possibility of posterity. There needs to be one potato each side of the seat for balance. Who knows what you are supposed to do with the cucumber? I never thought I would come across a past time where playing with yourself was such a necessary part of it. It is the perfect excuse that I have always been looking for. “It's alright love, I am just practising mounting the unicycle!”; the best euphemism I have heard yet for the self-serve style of intimacy.
Unicycling is definitely a sport better suited to women. My first unicycle related injury was sustained by a piece of anatomy that women don't possess. Ohhh, mashed potato, get it while it's fresh! I didn't think a sport existed that having such an appendage was a distinct disadvantage, except for any sport that requires speedos. Once I have finished re-arranging the salad though, the actual riding seems to be relatively easy; a statement I would not have made in the first week of trying to ride the thing.
Day trips into the urban Mecca, a shopping mall, is an experience all non-locals would agree is an eye-opening one. Every aspect of our out-of-town appearance is given the hairy eyeball and scrutinized by all and sundry, in less than subtle ways. At first I thought Handsome man's mojo was just working its funky, hip-thrusting magic. But it seems our ostracism was due to incredulity that such obviously abundant mojo had not resulted in the need to adorn ourselves with a pram, as everyone else had. Prams that contain the off spring of two people who look, rather suspiciously, like they share a parent or two themselves. I only make such gross generalisations for artistic sake, but it was hard finding many exceptions to the rule. An interesting way to pass the time of day you would think, but really a pursuit that further compromised my hope that the next generation will be inclined to fix the worlds problems that we were too lazy to do ourselves. Beautiful people of the world, you have an obligation to go forth and multiply! And not another word need be said on the topic of why I have no children myself.
With the prospect of an enduring relationship with the makers of Nurofen, other companies are vying for some brand loyalty from us got-rich-quick types. Brewing companies have the most at stake given Adam and I went through 3 cartons of beer in the first week. Bread makers are up there too, with toast being the convenient panacea for all hunger related concerns. Band-aid companies are happy, and the local osteopath is telling his wife that he has a feeling his luck is about to change. Perhaps this presents a wonderful opportunity to become more acquainted with my bank, and the benefits that come from saving money. A wonderful opportunity that I have waved to as it passed me by on the numerous occasions it has already arisen.