One minute a nobody; a TV star the next. After my brush with fame is televised this Sunday morning, (Insiders ABC 9am) I'll be a nobody again. Unless some careful editing manages to portray me as perhaps, weatherman potential. I fear it may portray me as a drunk, even though such an image would be well fitting shoes for me. I'll be happy if I am just nodding sagely in the background as that would make me look more intelligent than airing the comments I made.
So did I mention my first step to stardom will be shown nationally on the ABC this Sunday at 9am? If I didn't, I'm sure to bring it up again rather soon. Insiders is a current affairs show that explores many, well, current affairs type issues. I had heard of the program, being one of the many ways my parents keep up with all the latest news that largely has no bearing on them. Seeing as the ABC didn't seek me out to promote their show, I don't feel bad saying that I, and most apolitical people like me, wouldn't even turn on the ABC if it wasn't for RAGE.
Again, I can claim no credit for getting into this situation. The boss approached us at work during an awkward quiet time spent trying to look extremely busy, motivated and fulfilled polishing cutlery. He needed someone to join him and two others to appear on TV. Without having the chance to explain any further, my hand was waving in his face, perhaps a little too enthusiastically for someone not picking teams for backyard cricket. Fellow staff conceded to my enthusiasm, and dubbed me a 'camera slut' as if my actions hadn't just made that embarrassingly apparent.
Would the back of my head be needed to make the place appear busier than what it currently was? Would I be pouring Squires' suds with skill and sophistication while winking to enthralled onlookers? Would I get to beguile viewers with words of wisdom about the wonders of beer brewing and consumption? Many a fantasy had been thoroughly explored in the split second before I had even been chosen. Perhaps I should have found out first because being a wine aficionado partaking in a political discussion was never going to be my time to shine.
It would have seemed rude, and rather detrimental to my job had I turned the boss down after demonstrating that simply being in front of the camera was my only concern. Answering questions about party candidates in the upcoming election sounded like less fun than just polishing cutlery. Having little appreciation, and even less knowledge, I had no idea what they expected to get out of me other than uneducated opinions. The world is full of that variety of opinions, so perhaps I might be able to connect with common people. Average Jo will see that you don't need to have a clue about politics to engage in a debate about it; on TV no less at 9am Sunday 7th February.
More than happy to self promote (See the end of this journal for program time!), I wanted to advertise a few things other than just my ego. Unfortunately, the tight angles the camera man sort cut out everything but my Matso's t-shirt; a subtle shout-out to my Broome friends and a sneaky micro-brewery jab at the beer behemoth that our bar has sold its soul too. At times the camera came so close that I feared looking at it lest it revealed the problems with my constitution to any iridologists watching.
Under a spotlight, even the easiest of questions makes you feel like a $500,000 prize is on the line. I was being asked my personal opinion on Kevin Rudd, Tony Abbott and their prevailing fortunes and I stuttered through answers like I was strapped to a lie-detector. The lady in charge of proceedings told us to drink more as we all looked tense like deers staring into headlights. I took to this with such abandon the camera man took a few close up shots of my glass while insisting I neck more. My boss saw unpaid wine getting guzzled as I saw the lights get blurrier and the questions become more uninteresting.
Having put in a solid case for my answers being edited out in their entirety, I tried to steal the show with a closing comment that Tim Cox the compare said made a great finish. If the ABC has a sense of humour, possibly even at my expense, at least that much will be seen at 9am on ABC Channel 2 this Sunday 7th February.
