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Don't read this if I owe you money!

AUSTRALIA | Friday, 30 October 2009 | Views [1267]

Expressing my love for everything about Broome.

Expressing my love for everything about Broome.

Money can strangely lose all significance once you have none. On the proviso that you have friends who will compromise their credit rating on your behalf. When the universe deemed that the last $8 in my account was superfluous to my needs, I am thankful that friends were willing to help keep my nose just out of the effluent I was treading water in. Now I'm bankrupt, in debt and carefree! As long as I can avoid the debt collectors at least.

As generous as I like to think I am, when I am able to be obviously, it wasn't the kind hearted hand out of free cash to everyone that broke me. It was a long series of disasters that luckily came at the end of my Bowen holiday. Had such things happened at the start, the holiday would have quickly transpired into one of serious regret; an attitude at odds with my carelessness, er......carefree nature I mean. My 'senior moment' that left my van keys dangling aimlessly from the ignition started a run of bad luck unparalleled since superstition was invented.

Rachel got moved from melons to a capsicum picking farm, an appropriate analogy for this is being moved from cleaning the toilet to having to do it with your tongue. Judging by the amount of painkillers each day of picking requires, poverty is the most likely outcome for her. Even more so given that we had to stay closer to the hostel as a result of the move, and the money I borrowed off her quickly disappeared into the vans fuel tank.

Having to say goodbye for the next two months came at a large emotional cost, but that was of little concern to my creditors. I was well and truly ready to leave Bowen by this time, knowing that I was not about to bump into Hugh or Baz wandering down the street any time soon. Holiday destinations that are worse than your usual residence make you far more grateful to be returning home. It was terrible to be leaving Rachel for so long, but luckily it didn't cost me anything but tears.

The chip in the windscreen just out of Townsville had me waving a sad farewell to my bond. Thankfully it was only $100, and not the thousands that other rental companies required. The biggest expenses all came after a few wrong turns trying to find the Cairns airport. I have no way to explain or justify why I didn't have a map or the inclination to ask for directions. That problem was further compounded by a Herculean effort of stupidity that stopped me from double checking my flight details. Being the domestic leg of an international flight, my 30 minute leeway was woefully inadequate and I was duly punished $70 to transfer the flight until the following day.

That left me 20 minutes to make my connecting flight in Darwin, and a need to graft wings onto a pigs back. That $186 flight got returned to SkyWest for a refund of nothing and $438 was sucked from Laura's credit card to get me home in time for work the following day. Not one to be easily discouraged, I went straight out to splash on some fast food. While that sped my system towards a degenerative disease, I still had a few dollars that couldn't be spent quick enough. In Cairns with no friends, and a surly attitude that was unlikely to make new ones any time soon, I hit the cinema and spent a large portion of my remaining cash on an even larger portion of popcorn. The South African movie 'District 9' was far enough removed from reality to forget my woes, and far enough removed from the usual Hollywood insults to intelligence to actually be enjoyable. Bankrupting yourself can really be a fun process if you just relax into it and let the financial haemorrhaging run its desired course.

These expenses should be kept from Laura as her credit card will be housing me and feeding me until the next pay day. After kissing the Broome tarmac Pope-like on my arrival, Laura was waiting for me strangely devoid of the air of condemnation most guardians would have receiving an errant child. The 'I love Bowen' t-shirt I brought back was graciously accepted even though it turned out to be a better fit on her teddy bear. This further illustrates the pointlessness of presents as Laura probably prefered to lend me less money than see it spent on sleeping gear for soft-toys. Now it's time to find out how carefree I can live in one of the most expensive places in Australia with a terminally ill bank account requiring transfusions I can't give until I embrace male prostitution

Tags: money

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