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Magical journey to nowhere

THAILAND | Wednesday, 3 January 2007 | Views [7583] | Comments [1]

Gemma, Adam, Sarah and Heather marvel at a magic mushroom shake.

Gemma, Adam, Sarah and Heather marvel at a magic mushroom shake.

A glut of inspiration for my writing has inclined me to stay longer yet at Nai Pan Yai, although the weather continues to give me a very strong reason not to. Happily enough I can report that there has been a scattering of sunny days, and an accompaniment of bathing beauties, but the passage of one typhoon tail permits the arrival of the next. It appears that Asia's typhoons meet at Nai Pan Yai to sniff each others bums and mark their territory with the occasional downpour.

In better news, antibiotics proved to be the new panacea. Not only was my knee burger actually looking edible again, but potty time was once more the joyous ritual it always has been. The usual crippling stomach pains, the egg farts that wipe out all life in a 2 metre radius, a myriad of deficiencies from reduced absorption. All non-existent. I felt fantastic. Not drinking alcohol would have played a minor, and easily ignored, role in the increase in general sense of well-being as well. So easily ignored that my dry-zone experienced flash flooding on New Years Eve and I'm still recovering.

The opportunity to do a 10 day retreat passed for another month, unless I want to head to Chang Mai and do a 26 day retreat, starting whenever anyone is brave enough to undertake it. My longest retreat of 14 days almost turned me into an Angel, albeit one that had no wings or halo, and no concept of purity. So while such a beginning to a year would have put me in a sound position to do something of value, it seems fate has decided I will do the opposite.

I was hoping to spend the start of 2007 engaging my ego is a ferocious battle for the coveted prize of some peace of mind. Instead I killed off large pieces of my mind with as many intoxicants as my stingy entertainment budget allowed. With fingers unable to keep up with the ideas pouring from some dormant part of my brain, I decided to forgo the retreat as it would have be ruined by constantly wanting to scribble ideas down.

I had started hanging out with a fourtet from Australia, and it was in their company that the fun of New Years begun, and only really ended 3 days later. In the bungalow to my right lived Johnathan and Sarah from Sydney, who took 6 weeks out of their camper van trip around Australia to visit Nepal and Thailand. On my left resided Gemma and Adam from Lismore, starting their 3 months in Asia by spending the first two weeks with their old Primary school friends.

A fellow trekker from Nepal, Heather from Oregon, joined in the festivities on the night. She moved on soon after with the no-plan plan of covering most of Asia in 16 hours. A cafe near a lovely waterfall 10 minutes walk from the beach was where the magic begun. Joey, the local sorcerer of the Hallucinogenic Arts, whipped up some tasty shakes out of the scraps other happy high travelers had reduced his farm to.

Realising his stocks were too thin to sufficiently remove all awareness of other life on Earth from our minds, we headed to the India Bar. Here, a culinary artist brewed up some tea with more magic mushrooms in it than a Smurf play set. Weeks passed to psychedelic visions, inane stoner banter of unfathomable importance and organs oozing out of orifices from laughing SO HARD.

It turned out we were only there for a few hours and not being on the beach for New Years, seemed to defeat the purpose of being on an island. Up and down the beach we wandered until settling on the usual haunt, the Chai Bar. Volka was here in full flight, as were a few other long timers that I had gotten to know. Trumpets and beers entertained our hands, fire twirlers and well aimed fireworks entertained our eyes, Bob Marley, as ever, entertained our ears, and nonsensical rambling entertained no one except whose mouth it actually came from.

The ever present threat of firework hooliganism nearly inflicted multi-coloured wounds on unsuspecting diners when a glory box of 5 rockets fell over soon after ignition. Perched a relatively safe distance away, the silhouettes of people running in all directions could be seen against a back-drop of sparks and smoke. Adam, taking the role of most mature from my older but far less capable hands, investigated and reported of much anger and disbelief but no injuries. Luckily enough, the new year was not brought in with a sacrificial burning of every man made structure on the beach.

Content with passing midnight in varying degrees of consciousness, my 6 man posse was reduced to one when everyone applied for early leave. I happily authorised their request in light of the fact they were saving themselves for the possibly larger full moon party in 3 nights time. In Volka's company, I knew that there was only one direction the night could head, and the nature of it ensured that not much beyond then was remembered. There was something about whiskey buckets, moonlight swimming, handstands and head spins and a rapid exchange of expensive alcohol for a toxic liver.

For the times preceding and succeeding New Years, the story is much the same but to a much saner extent. Volka flew home on the 2nd and the beach just wasn't the same without him perambulating up it without a care in his drug enhanced world. I'll miss him and I was very sad to see him go. My Aussie posse was to move on in 2 days so life will be a lot more boring then, but more in-line with my forgotten and quite vague to begin with goals for this trip.

And no entry about New Years would be complete without some mention of resolutions. Being woeful to the point of criminality in fulfilling resolutions, I have devised a list of goals whose success is almost guaranteed.

· 1/ To not join a squash club (The opposite of one of Jonathan's resolutions.)

To this Gemma claimed I was destined to meet a girl who played squash fervently and would want me to join. To this I resolved:

· 2/ To ask every girl I meet if she liked squash before taking an interest in her.

· 3/ To not eat meat.

To this end I would need to be particularly vigilant given my track record so far this trip.

· 4/ To not buy a Tom Jones C.D.

Although accepting one as a gift is fine. Gift, in this situation, can be interpreted to mean that it comes from someone I've only just met. Second clause is that gift can be given in exchange for money.

· 5/ To not go to Antarctica.

My balls have still not thawed out since -30 temperatures in Mongolia last year.

· 6/ To not get on a motorbike.

Even if a heavy blow to the head manages to convince me that mounting an iron horse is somehow a good idea, my scars will remind me otherwise.

· 7/ To not stick a knife into a plugged in toaster. (Or attempt to press a shirt with the iron unplugged)

I have done these so many times, its about time I learnt my lesson.

· 8/ To survive the entire year.

· That is one fact worth celebrating at years end.

· 9/ To not grow breasts.

For this would rob me of the main purpose of my existence ie. the fondling of someone else's.

· 10/ To not pursue breasts that could prove to be detrimental to my best interests.

Every list has to have at least one resolution you know you are going to break.

Tags: Party time



Well you certainly can't add me to your list of exciting Aussies!!! My New Year was well uneventful but brought me into the 1st without a hangover, no come down to contend with, and the desire to walk along the beach.

If you're looking for enlightenment you should have just followed me to River Heads!!

Love to you crazy man,
Z xxx

  Zoe Champion Jan 5, 2007 2:09 PM

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