So its been a long while and as per usual, its question of where to start... I wrote my last entry on my way to the buddist temple. the website is at: http://www.nechung.org/ if any of you end up in this side of the world and fancy a look. As i write this blog im actaully sitting in my bunk in Vancouver with my new little laptop which my mum gave to me for christmas.. Best thing ever! Free Skype calls and no more paying for the internet! Great stuff. (FYI my user name is el.daly if you ever fancy a chat)
Anyways back to Hawaii... Well my time at the temple was very very life changing in fact. i had promised myself that i would sit still and open as it felt like this was the next step, can i go in complete silence and honestly open before god without an agenda and just see what happens?... Well yes it seems i can, and the temple was such a beautiful place to do it in. As it turned out the main temple was being painted so i went to sit in Tara's temple. Wow is she a godess to have on your side. When i meditated this image of a dancing woman kept appearing to me and laughing and singing. Only afterwards talking to anna did i realise that Tara had been there guiding me way all the time and i didn't recognise her. Anyways, im sitting still been very meditive and if i may say so myself devout... a sure sign there are rumblings of big emotion to come. And big emotion did come just as Brandon talks about sit still and dont move and you will drop through the layers. For me the worst that my mind could concieve of was shown to me... Watching my mother die. In all the processes ive done and ive had many deep deep issues arise and fall through this one will be one i will remember as i didn't move an inch. I went through all the stages of greif there on the floor of the temple that day, God wouldn't let up. every avenue i tried to go to save mum's life failed. I could of sworn to you at that moment that mum was taking her last breaths in ireland thousands of miles away from me the emotions were more real to me then than when my dad passed over. Eventally i saw myself sitting alone on a lump of lava rock (at this stage i had watched not only mum die but also all of hunmanity) and i suddenly noticed... i was relaxed. for the 1st time in my entire life i was relaxed. my whole body and being was relaxed. I had always struggled with this trough all my meditations and healing work, as there was always a part of me that was somehow still switched on and hyper aware, yet on that floor in Tara's temple my body finally gave up and i realised... i dont have to protect mum or anybody. the world can die and i the eternal i will be safe here on my lava rock. Words cant express the grace that flowed through me from then on. waves of gratitude as i finally was set free of my neediness to proctect and to be seen as a protector. I'd finally given up to Grace. i had surrendered and well Grace had truely enveloped me in a peace that still to this moment months later in Vancouver as i write this blog has never left.
So i really really pray that all of you no matter when at some point take yourselves away from society and sit still for a fews days, (more than 4)and let Grace find you. She is the unmistakable presence through which all life lives. It is her hand which guides us in our darkest hour and celebrates with us in our most joyous of moments. To meet her in your heart is a rare privilage and something that i will continue to do daily for as long as i live, for to live a life without Grace and God in your heart is to live a shadow life, missing out on the true beauty and relaxation in the knowledge that the anything can happen and you my friend will be safe and untouched.
