Come to the edge he said.
We cant master we are scared
come to edge he said.
they came to the edge....
He pushed and the flew!
I have always liked this quote, in fact tis the quote that was on the journey practicioner training program that called me to sign up to become a practicioner. If Brandon had a Edge, i was going to jump off... I have always wanted to fly. Even since i was a young young child i have had dreams of where i went flying at night. In recent times i have come to know these not as mere dreams but as astral travels with my many friends and guides with whom i connect with in the spirit world.
So when myself and caroline came to south point in Big island and we found the cliff edge where people jumped off... i thought... well im going to have a go at that. Filled with bravdo (my 8ish ness if you know the eneagram was in full flight) i thought no bother, ive watched the others do it i can jump of a a 30+ ft drop into the ocean below at the sothern most point in the united states... As both me and Caroline had just gone swiming a few minutes earlier at a different point i was aware that there really was no need for me to get into the sea again. and also aware that i really shouldn't place myself in any undue danger, i checked with my spirit guides and God himslef to see if indeed it was safe for me to jump off. To which they replied, yes it was safe, but there was a condition... i had to jump off wide open with no bravdo or armour. When i say armour, i refer to the emotional and energetic armour we a humans carry around with us a protection from outside pain and influences. This armour in truth only serves to keep us apart from each other and Grace and keeps all of our fears doubt and pain stored up inside of us as it cant escape through the armour. As a therapist, i am used to taking down my armour so i can best serve my clients and connect with them on a soul basis, so i knew what my guides were refering to and i thought well yes i can jump off with no armour. if god says im safe then i trust i am safe.
So i stripped off and stood up on the platform (have a look at the pictures) And OH MY GOD i was terrified, with all my bravado gone, it looked so scary and i was doubting God already. yet true to my word i knew that this was was i had been praying for an edge to jump of so that i could learn to fly (i also knew God would push me if i didn't jump). So finaly after a few excruciating minutes of my terrorised mind in hyper drive, i jumped of the cliff. And ... and.. it took alot longer to hit the water than i expected enough time for out and out terror, i am going to die and multiple screams to pass though me. I hit the water with such force i truely cant remember it only coming back up of air moments later, in agony and i had hit the water in such a way that i had badly hurt my back. i lay in the water terrified that i had put my back out. Ive never damaged my back before now and i knew the hassel associated with gammy backs that i was so scared that id damaged myself. I immediately began cursing God for making me jump and then me for not jumping properly... etc.
When i gathered myself i swam over to the rope which hung out of the end of the very long lader climb back up to the cliff edge. With my back in pain i hastily tried to pull myself up the rope to get at least one leg on a rung of the ladder. I have never been one for scailing ropes in fact in school it was the one thing i dreaded the most in gym class. So realising that my body in the sate it was in i needed help and fast cos otherwise i was stuck in the southern most tip of Hawaii. So once again the big prayers came out, similar to those at the grand canyon hike. (it seems i was back talking to God if he could get me up onto the ladder) Eventually i managed to heave myself up onto the ladder and climb the 30 steps up to the cliff edge and to caroline waiting with my camera.
I was really shaken and was too pride filled to tell her i had hurt my back so i hobbled over to sit on a rock. Laying down on the rock i knew i had to talk to god and i also knew that whatever damage i had done could be reversed by working with Grace and my journey tools. So sitting on the rock i asked what i was that caused me to hurt my back. The answer came quick and simple. i jumped out of my body before i hit the water. I have done this before many times, as a way of avoiding pain in the past and it was even something i used to enjoy doing in school daydreaming and have my energy leave and go and sit out on dalkey island. I honestly was quite taken aback that leaving my body before i hit the water could do so much dammage. God made it very clear that the when i excape from pain or bordom by leaving my body i was leaving my body open to hurt and pain as there was no energy in it to support it when it hit the water, so immidiatley my body had spasmed and reacted in pain. If i had stayed in my body and been truely willing to die to my fears on the way down, i never would of hurt myself. This was a HUGE wake up for me and a massive lesson in honouring the present moment no matter what. I still though, at this point had huge pain in my back, so lying there on the lava rock, i called in all the ascended masters and arch angels to heal my back and i also cleared a heap of old vows around hurting myself and not trusting God. Feeling much clearer, i went back to the car and Caroline and admited that i had hurt myslef and why i had hurt myslef. I really was worried about my back as i have never healed myself on my own before. I kept getting that it was ok, i just needed time to heal and to feel vulnerabe and to be gentle with my body for 24 hours. Amzingly 24 hours later my back felt much much better. With little or no swelling and almost no pain. 48 hours later it felt like i had a whole new back, i swear i have never felt freer in my back before now. I can now sit in lotus position and meditate for hours with no back pain. i used to always have back pain in the past when i sat up straight or stood up straight. i actaully feel injuring my back has straighten it out and its now stronger and more flexible than ever.
so not that i am sayign its good to injure yourself, but this definately marked an important step for me, i healed myself on my own, i leart an invaluable lesson, and my back is better no than its ever been. So i really pray that i always remember that no matter what the circumstances it is a huge gift a healing just waiting to be uncovered, who knows you might even learn how to fly!
