I’ve been away from home for exactly 43 days. So far I have visited Ireland, Scotland, Stockholm, and Copenhagen where I am currently writing this. I’m sitting outside next to one of the canals as the glorious sun warms my skin and hair. The small buildings to the right of me are beautifully colored and are connected by an old marble bridge that fits in with the “old” feel of inner city.. I highly recommend to everyone to visit Copenhagen as it is truly an amazing place.
Things have changed while I’ve been away. I have changed. I’ve walked more than I ever have in my entire life, partly because I am too cheap to spend much money on public transportation. Besides, do I really have a rush to get anywhere? I have no problem now being on my own, finding my next destination, and asking others for help. I spend long periods of time by myself. I’ve unfortunately made the mistake of allowing myself to get ripped off a few times in each new destination before learning where the cheap places and food are. I become excited now when I find a supermarket. I’ve been soaked in the rain on quite a few occasions but still haven’t mustered enough desire to buy an umbrella because I can’t be bothered having another item in my pack. I’m desperate to get rid of even more things to lighten my load but am paranoid that I might need each item at some point in my travels. I’ve started to think of how much money I have already spent and get depressed (they say that you always spend more than you planned and it is so true!). I’ve also eaten so many unhealthy things that I would never have at home, just for the sake that they were cheap or that I had an incredible craving. And I have no regrets about this because usually it all tastes amazing!
I’ve come to the realization of just how serious my choice has been. Things were very grand in the beginning. I ended my relationship with my boyfriend, sold and donated everything I owned and said goodbye to my dear friends and family. I did it all with this romantic notion that great things would happen and I would find myself out here in my travels. I felt something was missing in my life back in New Jersey, so surely it must be out here in the grand world, right?
I couldn’t feel more lost than I do now. The trip has changed gears. My month in Ireland and Scotland was like my holiday. I had massive amounts of fun going out, making new friendships, seeing great sights and partying it up. It was one of the best months I have ever had. However, as time has passed I am starting to realize that this is more than just a holiday. This is my life. Traveling is almost like my career. I wake up and feel like I have to do some sort of sightseeing each day in order to say I have been productive. I make myself learn about the history and culture of each place I visit. I have daily scheduled time to go on the internet to stay in touch with family and friends. Every day cannot be like Ireland and Scotland. If it was, hell, we wouldn’t have many productive members of society, would we? If I were a compass I would be broken. The arrow would constantly be spinning around and around with no stop in sight. I am longing to find the north in my life.
Where is this travel leading me? What am I meant to do with my life? I think about Australia coming up in about 2 months. It excites and frightens me at the same time. I’ve met quite a few Aussies in my travels (they really are everywhere!) and they all tell me how much I am going to love it there. They have all given me recommendations on places to go and what kind of work I could get. But I’m scared because I still have no idea what I want to do there. I also still have no clue where I want to live. I can’t just bum around forever; I will eventually have to find work. The question I am facing now is if I want to pick up with teaching there? I tell other travelers often of how much I did love teaching and I do feel that it is an essential part of what defines me as a person. I am really looking forward to settling there for a bit and getting the most out of my 1 year visa but I am just at a loss as to how I am going to do it.
This is what happens when you are on your own; your thoughts wonder on you as you walk the streets, the museums, the canals and you have no one to talk with but yourself. I know that I am beating myself up on the inside. I wish that in this update I could say that I am doing amazingly well and that this was the best decision that I have ever made. Unfortunately I can’t say that yet. This is a continuing story with an ending that hasn‘t been written. At the moment all I can do is hope that the pages will eventually fill with more adventures. I want to be honest in this story - to those of you that truly are thinking of doing what I am doing and also to those close to me who are curious as to how I am.
I can tell you this though. I don’t miss work. I don’t miss home. I do miss the people, but I can always reach them through the internet. I don’t miss my things. I know that a lifestyle change was the right thing for me. I have had lots of fun and I am having the experience of a lifetime. I’m pleased at how well I have been able to make it on my own. I think I just need to hang in there, see where the world takes me. It’s scary, but I have put my trust in fate this long and I might as well ride it out until the end. I hope that the honesty of this post makes you understand what I have done and that you will want to stay with me and discover how this story will end.
