Ignoring past lessons, an activity I had turned into an art form, Steph and I booked a ticket to Ko Tao through one of the always smiling, mostly deceptive Khao San Road travel agents. Not only were my knees up my nose the whole trip, the seat reclined an entire one degree, the complimentary goods were a cup of water, and the movie was the worst thing ever made. 'Absolute Zero' possibly referred to its rating, or its special effects budget, or the skill of its actors. The jokes about the title are as limitless as the jokes in the movie were limited. Still having a dispute with the new residents in my stomach, sleep was the most important thing to mount a serious attempt at eviction.All nighter number 2 and I was too tired to even get upset about it. Looking like a crack addict hanging for a big fix ensured that absolutely no one tried crossing my path. At Chumphon, we boarded a high speed catamaran that I had wanted on my first trip to Ko Pha-Ngan at the start of the trip. Upon boarding, the catamaran had a stack of incense burning far too close to the engine, in obeisance to the ocean spirits for safe passage; and more common sense. Solid theory I guess, considering that if a spark burning near flammable liquid doesn't end a journey before it starts, the odds of success are greatly improved. Inexplicably, this was followed by setting off fire crackers on the deck as well, confirming common sense class was not currently in session.
Upon arrival, a taxi driver whose grasp on the truth was looser than 5 pills in one bender, took us to the only resort on the island that didn't have bungalows like he guaranteed and we all desired. A few minutes down a 1 metre wide path that doubled as a high speed motorbike track, we found a construction site with a bungalow right on the beach. 600 baht a night was to be expected in a place over run with tourists but the view alone was worth more than that itself.
And Ko Tao was purely a feast for the eyes. Not only are more of the bronzed babes topless than not, one only has to wade 10 metres off shore to find some awesome snorkeling opportunities. Suze and Lydia were more interested in scuba diving but Stephs infected ears and my budget stopped us from doing likewise. Swimming closer to the surface permitted us to work on our already enviable brown skin.
Our first trip out revealed a plethora of coral and fish life that one would only expect to see on the menu of the finest seafood restaurant. Obviously conditioned to human presence, most only make a half hearted attempt at hiding or escaping the range of our vision. Thanks to the crystal clear waters, that range can extend up to 10 metres.
Unhappy that her birthday suit was now adorned with a white bikini, Steph insisted on going sans swimming garments. While I was unconcerned that my equipment presented any appeal to fishes prone to nibbling on any dangling appendages, I did end up spending most of my time trying to watch a particular curiosity that was anything but aquatic. The amount of sea life was phenomenal for its quantity and its variety. We even found a sunken diving platform that provided my floundering fitness a chance to restore itself before I had to embarrassingly ask the super fit Steph for a tow back into shallow waters.
Aside from all the ocular activity on offer at Ko Boob, I enjoyed the opportunity to just chill out as I must not have done enough of that in Don Det. At least weed wasn't a spectre that followed you around like a shadow. All signs point to the fact that Suze and Lydia are partial to a drink or 8 so one bottle of cheap Laos whiskey has already been spent trying to keep pace. 2 solid nights on $1AUS! Who can believe that? I certainly don't care that it is tantamount to drinking brown metho at that price. See what traveling on a budget reduces you too? Shit I wouldn't give to my worst enemy at home suddenly becomes a Godsend when every penny saved equates to more time spent in paradise. Who knows, I might even end up eating cucumber if its cheap enough. Then again, probably not.
