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Worldtrip a 45 year old's adventures around the world-which include everything from sitting in random McDonalds using his notebook, hanging with 22 year olds, and other immature stuff.

Sexual Innuendos and Spongebob

UKRAINE | Sunday, 25 October 2015 | Views [362]

Yesterday I got up very very early, or rather I am not sure I went to bed the night before. I had to take the train to Kiev-a 7 hour journey, and the train left at 5:47 am.


I rarely have a problem waking up early-As far the night before. I went to bed a little after midnight-(I was sitting around the table at the hostel talking to the others. One person was from Sweden, one from Moldova, one other from the US, and a few from Germany-we talked about occupations and that sort of thing-nothing political). Anyway, I lied down-fell asleep every now and then, and checked my phone every so often for the time. 


I woke up at 4:30 am to shower and get dressed. The girl from Germany woke up a few minutes after, who was also in my room. The guy in the bunk below her was keeping her awake with his snoring, so she told me what was wrong.


(Her): I don't know what to do with the guy under me.

(Me):  You've never had a guy under you?

(Her): Yeah but they never snored that bad.

She didn't get it. I guess too early for the sexual innuendos, anyway:

(Her): I need to buy ear protection

(Me): So you want to use protection with this guy?

Well definitely too early for the sexual innuendos.


Anyway, I showered and shaved and walked to the train station about 5:00-I left 45 minutes for a 5 minute walk-so I had plenty of time.


I got on the new modern train, and got in my seat-which I wasn't happy about since there  was only 1/2 a window to look out of. (all seats are preassigned and on the ticket). The seat right in front of me, which I originally took accidentally, had a full unobstructed view. A woman who looked suspiciously  like the woman who I didn't let get in from of me in line the other day at the train station took that seat. (maybe it's karma). 


So at least the seat next to  me was empty, so I had a little time to stretch out.  I nodded on and off-I dreamed of being underneath a cruise ship (the Carnival Valor to be exact-a friend of mine on Facebook who worked in marketing at Carnival showed a picture of him under a cruise ship in dry dock-so that must be where the dream came from). 


After three hours, at 9:00, the train stopped. A new station and a s__tload of people got on the train. Someone took the seat next to me.


The rest of the ride was uncomfortable-the train car was a pretty much completely full. I took a walk through the train, and there was also a first class car, which was just about completely empty-but their was a conductor in the car, to ensure nobody sat there who didn't pay for first class.


Anyway, close to 1:00 pm, the train reached Kiev. I found the street to the hostel relatively easy, and after 15 minutes or so I Was there..


I then found the metro, and took the train to Independence Square, the main part of town, the public square, if you will.  There we're few tourists-maybe because it was cloudy/rainy, maybe because of the news and travel advisory for US citizens-but plenty of people wanting money. Within 5 minutes:

(A) A guy wearing a bear suit approached me for my picture. I said no.

(B) A guy dressed as Spongebob Squarepants approached me for my picture. I said no.

(C) A woman wanted money for Military kids or kids of Military-I said I have to think about it.

(D) A guy placed a dove, or some other bird, on my shoulder, and asked for my camera to  take a picture. I said no, and if you don't take your bird off I will walk away with him. 


With the exception of the Military woman-after asking where I am from-they have a unique way of asking for money. They like to say they collect coins from other countries-and do I have any? They asked the right person! They may have  been expecting a US dollar from me (equal to about 20 Ukranian Dollars)-but I have better-coins from Romania, Bulgaria, etc-mostly equal to their own currency. They are weighing down my wallet so that is what they get-exactly what they asked for! (I don't have much US currency anyway, I haven't been there in over 5 months).


I then went out to eat. Actually I tried two restaurants:


(1) The first was a restaurant/coffee house.  I asked the lady what something was that looked like a salad. She said she would bring me an English menu.  After seeing it, I ordered a green salad with focaccia bread. She brought me a salad with beef on it (which I don't like to eat). When I told her that wasn't what I ordered, I was told the English Menu was old and they no longer serve the green salad. I asked her to take it away, and I just had a cappuccino.


(2) The second was closer to a sports bar. I ordered a salad and  a fish. The salad came out pretty quickly. The fish took a REALLY Long time. As a matter of fact, I wasn't hungry anymore,  and figured the waiter just forgot about it, which was just as well.  He then said it would be ready in 5 minutes. I Told him I wasn't hungry and to just bring the check.  He brought the fish and the check.. The fish, which was listed at about 20 Ukranian $ on the menu ended up costing about 200 Ukranian $. I complained to the waiter(he mentioned the 20 was per pound or something like that), and told him I wouldn't pay for it. The waiter started apologizing profusely, was at the point of crying, and brought his manager over, (I think-someone who spoke a little more English). He explained that if I don't pay for the fish and waiter will have to. I begrudgingly paid for the fish(and only picked at it), and left and went back to the hostel.






Tags: kiev, ukraine

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