(From Darwin to Katherine in the Ambassador Van – otherwise entitled ‘How prolonged hours of enforced family time makes the mind melt like molten mucus’)
New Product Ideas
Tiffany with slightly crazed laughter, (after one of Jett’s moments of early detox madness), – ‘Kid repellent – spray on!’
What ifs
(started by Jett who is (honestly) concerned about EVERYTHING going WRONG)
Jett – What if you woke up and I wasn’t in my bed and not any where and then you found out I was at Nana’s?’
Tiffany – ‘What if I just give you a bit of a slap?’ (toothy grin)
Jett - ‘What if cookies could decide who was going to eat them?’
Jett – ‘What if I turned into an eagle, right now?’
After not getting the response he was after, Jett, then very seriously gave this advice to Albert ‘Don’t scream or be surprised. Just act normal, ‘cause if you don’t, then you’ll loose control of the car and kill us all.’
Tiffany – ‘He’ll kill himself, me and an eagle.’
Jett – What would you do if we all had superpowers?
Tiffany – What super powers?
Jett – I could make people dizzy, and make stuff happen with my mind. You could fly 10 000 feet up, run faster than lightening and look into the future. Albert could sneeze so much that people pooshhhoooahhh, and he could be invisible.’
Albert – I would go into the girl’s dress room and try to hold my sneeze.
Jett – If Albert gets eaten by a crocodile, shall we eat first or go to the police?
Tiffany – I don’t know. What would you do?
Jett – I’d like to eat, ‘cause we should eat up all the food. But I would cry so much if you both got eaten by a crocodile. But then I would come back to the van and eat up all the good things and then call the ranger.
Jett’s questions of the day
‘Is two billion seconds more, or less, than one day?’
Tiffany – ‘More.’
Jett – ‘Is one billion seconds more or less than one day?
Jett’s comment of the day (after being on the road for 6 days, and listening to me say NO again to his request for an ice cream)
‘Why are you dragging me around the world, when I don’t even want to?’
(Don’t worry concerned and soft hearted people of the journal reading variety, we dealt with him in the traditional Buddhist method of enlightenment by the ‘hitzemhard’ school – we knocked his head with a short stick and said ‘oh please, why don’t you think about all the poor North American kids. They are told there is only one country worth visiting. Would you rather be poor and starved of culture like them, huh?’ (Wow, its late when I write this, and I guess I’m being a bit of a Borat and offending as many people as I can for a cheap laugh. Sorry about that. Its ALLLLL a BIG joke, apart from what Jett said.)
Albert’s Musical Moments
Albert turned on the Ipod, and chose, of all songs, Roxette’s ‘Hello, you fool, I love you.’ Unfortunately for me, Roxette is not one of my favourite bands. Can you imagine my horror, when Albert sung the lyrics word for word, and before I knew what was happening, I involuntarily learnt what the Swedish singer is crooning so melodiously during the chorus. Do you want to know what it is? ‘Come and join the joy ride.’ And, painfully, the last time it repeats this pretty phrase, it says (Albert tells me happily) ‘Be a joy ride’. At the time of writing, Albert is saying ‘What’s wrong with that?’ I just sigh. He also informs me that the title of the popular ditty, is ‘joy ride’. I say, with my best teen valley accent ‘what ever.’
‘I don’t like the pussy songs, I just like the rock ones’ – this is an HONEST quote from him today, the 17th of April 2008. (Albert is suppose to be a metal head)
Metallica moments
Albert, when not singing lyrics, also vocalises the lead guitar, and enjoys impersonating the drums when the previous two are not available. When the song ends, and there is a moment’s pause in the noise coming from the stereo and Albert’s mouth or his beating of the steering wheel, he then likes to talk about the song that we were just subject to, or the one looming up. I cherish these moments of Albert’s enjoyment.
