Existing Member?

solbeam Equipped with backpack, blog and her sense of Wonder, a perpetual pilgrim wanders aimfully on....

coming clean and getting dirty

ECUADOR | Tuesday, 26 October 2004 | Views [6382] | Comments [2]

(I´ve received an overwhelming response of personal email to this post; Each of which I'd love to reply with equally inspired and intelligent feedback. But I'm currently back on the road, travelling overland no only one, but two countries, and with limited access to a keyboard. So PLEASE pardon my delayed responses!)

I have a serious apology to make on this site.

For four years I have, in my silence, lied and disillusioned myself and those that follow this blog, for the purpose of remaining safe, secure, liked and uncontroversial.

But this morning I woke up and cried.

For I realized, perhaps for the first time consciously, that despite all my big talk and long mediations on (capital "T") Truth, I have purposely evaded disclosing a hundred of my experiences abroad that I was simply AFRAID to post.

In March of 2003, after marching in an anti-war demonstration in Madrid, Spain, I returned to my hostel and watched the United States Military bomb Iraq on television. I cried that day, and then I wrote and posted a small, emotional piece pleading for peace.

The next day I had an inbox of venomous mail; hate mail from Americans telling me that they had lost all respect for me, that I was an ungrateful brat, and that I was a ruthless and arrogant person for not supporting my country. I had mail from soldiers that pleaded for my support. And I had a dozen personal declarations that my site would no longer be read.

The message was clear: Un-patriotic comments posted will be met with rage.

So I decided to take their advice -- and shut up.

But what I realized today is that, in my silence, I have absolutely violated everything I stand for in this life: Truth, Consciousness, Peace, Shared Humanity, and Love.

And now, let me confess to you only a few of the things I have denied you.

I denied you my conversation with a young indigenous Guatemalan man who had lost his parents and family when his village was massacred in the secret "Scorched Earth" plan at the order of Rios Mont who was supported by the US government and personally defended by Reagan.

I denied to you my experience of seeing a hundred clocks melted and frozen at the moment in time that the United Stated Government dropped a second atomic bomb on a completely civilian community (for WHAT purpose?) instantly killing over half a million people in Nagasaki, Japan.

I denied to you my experiences in Cuba of being exposed to the OTHER side, and seeing daily in the paper, pictures of the effects of the American Military?s bombing in Afghanistan (obviously withheld from the American public) and reading of the atrocities committed by the American Military on Afghani prisoners of war.

I denied to you my fear found in the quarter of Seoul, South Korea where the US military is stationed; The ONLY place in all of South Korea where I was afraid to walk on the streets for my personal safety; Where Korean prostitutes were being degraded in open alleys by displaced, disillusioned and drunk soldiers decorated in the off-duty colors of red, white and blue.

I denied to you the violent attacks I witnessed in Madrid on all emblems and symbols of corporate America and the anti-American establishment rage scribbled on the broken glass of the windows fronting every US-based fast food chain.

I denied to you pictures of a dozen schools painted from head to foot in blue with the trademark of Pepsi swirling through the walls, gates and gyms. Kind thanks due to the ingenious marketing divisions of corporate America who exchange a free paint job for the rotting teeth of an already malnourished third world country.

I denied to you the (quite possibly false, quite possibly true) conspiracy theory I was told of in great detail of the US Government doing biological warfare research on a unknowing community in India with a strain of bubonic plague that was later recognized as being of a genetically modified version that only the US government had the capability to create.

I denied to you the advice I was given to avoid eating vegetables grown in India, that have been dangerously contaminated with pesticides that were formerly used in agriculture by big US corporations, but after been banned by the FDA, were ?dumped? in third world countries where the poisons are being sprayed on crops to this day.

I denied to you my outrageous anger at the US Government?s continued support of China as a "most favored nation" when it continues, to this day, to brutally destroy and rape Tibet of it?s people, resources and culture in nothing less than a perfect example of mass genocide.

I denied to you the information that despite my time working to save the endangered leatherback turtles in Costa Rica, they will NOT survive; Thanks to international (mostly by big US corporations) over-fishing, non-compliance with net rules, water pollution and general disrespect for the health of the environment that is necessary for their survival.

I am SO sorry.

I have done EXACTLY that which I abhor about my very own government. I have lied. I have withheld truths. I have kept silent in order to ?keep the peace.? I have denied the truth, to shield both you and myself from the ugliness of what honesty reveals. I favored the ignorant silence and added to the all out effort of our country to convince itself and the whole world that, "all is happy on the American home front." Well it isn?t. And I?m not going to lie or be silent about it any longer.

Three years ago, on this site, I came out of the Spiritual closet. Well, today, I come out of the anti-American establishment closet. And let me make sure something is very clear...

I do NOT dissent against the American People. But I DO dissent against the American Establishment (Government, Military, Elite & Big Corporations) that run our country.

1% of our nation owns 40% of the wealth. And it is THIS establishment (of whom our President Bush, this week, adorned with another 136 billion in tax cuts) that drops the bombs, regardless of our majority dissent.

This site will not become a political blog. I am not nearly educated or intelligent enough to present any such cases or make any such claims. And I am wise enough to know that there is no such thing as one truth supported by verified facts. There are only perspectives; In fact, one for every single person in this whole world.

But I will no longer deny myself or this site, the full, unadulterated depth of my understandings and revelations as I discover them.

Because I do have hope! And I want to see a change in this lifetime! But for change to happen, there must be challenge. And for challenge to be made, truth must be questioned. And for truth to be questioned, dissenters must question the current system. And questioning the current system will undoubtedly raise controversy by that the majority that live within it.

So I will officially accept the angry emails, the accusations, the loss of readership and the FBI file in exchange for my integrity and for the purpose of my continued pursuit of my mission in this life...

Because as I?ve said a dozen times on this site, I do NOT want to believed or followed or trusted. I only want for us to each question our reality individually and constantly. I want to dare myself, and challenge you also, to look beyond the mass media that is spoon fed to us 24 hours a day by those in whom it is in the best interest to have a mouth-full and muted 99%. It is the same question, intention and mission that I have repeated and rambled on about through the last four years of blogging; ALL I want is for us to look up and ask ourselves and each other, "Just what the hell are we all doing here?"

Cause I have a feeling, and don?t trust me to it, but I have a feeling, we are NOT here to kill each other.

Tags: Philosophy of travel




Thanks for your message. It was very inspirational and coragageous to stand up for everything you believe in. I have been following your blog for a while now as I prepare myself for my own giant adventure and I enjoy reading about your travels as you seem to take in much more than just the scenery- It is nice to hear from someone with such a fresh perspective... I wish you all the best and hope that you continue with your refreshing honesty


  clarinette Mar 21, 2006 1:04 PM


hi. i do not know you, nor will you ever know me, but i just randomly found this entry while i was looking for pictures to put in a collage, and i wanted you to know that i cried when i read it. i love you for this and i think that you are a beautiful person. i am truly sorry that some people are so quick to judge what they don't understand. i can relate because i come from midland, texas, which unfortunately prides itself in being the presidents hometown, and the majority of the residents here side with the administration based solely on this fact. it damn-near puts me in tears on a daily basis.

anyway, thanks

  ty Aug 23, 2007 4:24 PM

Add your comments

(If you have a travel question, get your Answers here)

In order to avoid spam on these blogs, please enter the code you see in the image. Comments identified as spam will be deleted.



Travel Answers about Ecuador

Do you have a travel question? Ask other World Nomads.