(I´ve
received an overwhelming response of personal email to this post; Each
of which I'd love to reply with equally inspired and intelligent
feedback. But I'm currently back on the road, travelling overland no
only one, but two countries, and with limited access to a keyboard. So
PLEASE pardon my delayed responses!)
I have a serious apology to make on this site.
For
four years I have, in my silence, lied and disillusioned myself and
those that follow this blog, for the purpose of remaining safe, secure,
liked and uncontroversial.
But this morning I woke up and cried.
For
I realized, perhaps for the first time consciously, that despite all my
big talk and long mediations on (capital "T") Truth, I have purposely
evaded disclosing a hundred of my experiences abroad that I was simply
AFRAID to post.
In March of 2003, after marching in an anti-war
demonstration in Madrid, Spain, I returned to my hostel and watched the
United States Military bomb Iraq on television. I cried that day, and
then I wrote and posted a small, emotional piece pleading for peace.
The
next day I had an inbox of venomous mail; hate mail from Americans
telling me that they had lost all respect for me, that I was an
ungrateful brat, and that I was a ruthless and arrogant person for not
supporting my country. I had mail from soldiers that pleaded for my
support. And I had a dozen personal declarations that my site would no
longer be read.
The message was clear: Un-patriotic comments posted will be met with rage.
So I decided to take their advice -- and shut up.
But
what I realized today is that, in my silence, I have absolutely
violated everything I stand for in this life: Truth, Consciousness,
Peace, Shared Humanity, and Love.
And now, let me confess to you only a few of the things I have denied you.
I
denied you my conversation with a young indigenous Guatemalan man who
had lost his parents and family when his village was massacred in the
secret "Scorched Earth" plan at the order of Rios Mont who was
supported by the US government and personally defended by Reagan.
I
denied to you my experience of seeing a hundred clocks melted and
frozen at the moment in time that the United Stated Government dropped
a second atomic bomb on a completely civilian community (for WHAT
purpose?) instantly killing over half a million people in Nagasaki,
Japan.
I denied to you my experiences in Cuba of being exposed
to the OTHER side, and seeing daily in the paper, pictures of the
effects of the American Military?s bombing in Afghanistan (obviously
withheld from the American public) and reading of the atrocities
committed by the American Military on Afghani prisoners of war.
I
denied to you my fear found in the quarter of Seoul, South Korea where
the US military is stationed; The ONLY place in all of South Korea
where I was afraid to walk on the streets for my personal safety; Where
Korean prostitutes were being degraded in open alleys by displaced,
disillusioned and drunk soldiers decorated in the off-duty colors of
red, white and blue.
I denied to you the violent attacks I
witnessed in Madrid on all emblems and symbols of corporate America and
the anti-American establishment rage scribbled on the broken glass of
the windows fronting every US-based fast food chain.
I denied to
you pictures of a dozen schools painted from head to foot in blue with
the trademark of Pepsi swirling through the walls, gates and gyms. Kind
thanks due to the ingenious marketing divisions of corporate America
who exchange a free paint job for the rotting teeth of an already
malnourished third world country.
I denied to you the (quite
possibly false, quite possibly true) conspiracy theory I was told of in
great detail of the US Government doing biological warfare research on
a unknowing community in India with a strain of bubonic plague that was
later recognized as being of a genetically modified version that only
the US government had the capability to create.
I denied to you
the advice I was given to avoid eating vegetables grown in India, that
have been dangerously contaminated with pesticides that were formerly
used in agriculture by big US corporations, but after been banned by
the FDA, were ?dumped? in third world countries where the poisons are
being sprayed on crops to this day.
I denied to you my
outrageous anger at the US Government?s continued support of China as a
"most favored nation" when it continues, to this day, to brutally
destroy and rape Tibet of it?s people, resources and culture in nothing
less than a perfect example of mass genocide.
I denied to you
the information that despite my time working to save the endangered
leatherback turtles in Costa Rica, they will NOT survive; Thanks to
international (mostly by big US corporations) over-fishing,
non-compliance with net rules, water pollution and general disrespect
for the health of the environment that is necessary for their survival.
I am SO sorry.
I
have done EXACTLY that which I abhor about my very own government. I
have lied. I have withheld truths. I have kept silent in order to ?keep
the peace.? I have denied the truth, to shield both you and myself from
the ugliness of what honesty reveals. I favored the ignorant silence
and added to the all out effort of our country to convince itself and
the whole world that, "all is happy on the American home front." Well
it isn?t. And I?m not going to lie or be silent about it any longer.
Three
years ago, on this site, I came out of the Spiritual closet. Well,
today, I come out of the anti-American establishment closet. And let me
make sure something is very clear...
I do NOT dissent against
the American People. But I DO dissent against the American
Establishment (Government, Military, Elite & Big Corporations) that
run our country.
1% of our nation owns 40% of the wealth. And it is THIS establishment (of whom our President Bush, this week, adorned with another 136 billion in tax cuts) that drops the bombs, regardless of our majority dissent.
This
site will not become a political blog. I am not nearly educated or
intelligent enough to present any such cases or make any such claims.
And I am wise enough to know that there is no such thing as one truth
supported by verified facts. There are only perspectives; In fact, one
for every single person in this whole world.
But I will no
longer deny myself or this site, the full, unadulterated depth of my
understandings and revelations as I discover them.
Because I
do have hope! And I want to see a change in this lifetime! But for
change to happen, there must be challenge. And for challenge to be
made, truth must be questioned. And for truth to be questioned,
dissenters must question the current system. And questioning the
current system will undoubtedly raise controversy by that the majority
that live within it.
So I will officially accept the angry
emails, the accusations, the loss of readership and the FBI file in
exchange for my integrity and for the purpose of my continued pursuit
of my mission in this life...
Because as I?ve said a dozen times
on this site, I do NOT want to believed or followed or trusted. I only
want for us to each question our reality individually and constantly. I
want to dare myself, and challenge you also, to look beyond the mass
media that is spoon fed to us 24 hours a day by those in whom it is in
the best interest to have a mouth-full and muted 99%. It is the same
question, intention and mission that I have repeated and rambled on
about through the last four years of blogging; ALL I want is for us to
look up and ask ourselves and each other, "Just what the hell are we
all doing here?"
Cause I have a feeling, and don?t trust me to it, but I have a feeling, we are NOT here to kill each other.
