Long route home Our trip all the way home, trying to catch no planes and stay on the ground like civilised people. It's taking us via India all the way to Europe from Japan, the furthest of the Far East...

[Editor's note: It might help to know that many inhabitants of Kochi and Kerala are Syrian Christians...]

Upon the first day past the second ten of August O-liver and E-ma didst come unto Kochi.  Unto the Police Taxi Stand didst they repair, to buy even further tickets, which were righteous.  But the Charioteers who were called taximen didst cry in anguish that their rippeth-thy-fellow-man-off tactic had been exposeth and thus they didst not come easily.  Whence finally a taximan came forth to take them, he shew his ignorance unto them, which causeth great vexation and the skies didst blacken even as though it were night.  O-liver cried with sore anger that they shouldst smiteth the charlatan but E-ma spake with great calm that they further consulteth other chariotmen who shew them the true path and all was good once more.  Four score minutes and ten later they didst deliver themselves unto the home of Lee-lu and saw that it was good and there was much rejoicing.  Strongminded and stout was Lee-lu as was her companion, a dog who the Lord nameth behemoth because of his size.

And there followed many hours of resting, such as cannot be counted by ordinary mortals.  On the second day they went unto Kochi's old town and seeth the old colonial buildings from the days of Lusitania which is now called Portugal.  Gazeth they at the church and noticeth that there was indeed the tomb of he who was called Vasco da Gama, who begat Vasco da Gama Clube de Futebol, and saw that it was good.  They ventureth unto the art cafe Khavi and drinketh coffee finer than any since Vietnam.  They sallied forth unto a restaurant even within a courtyard and didst devour fish which had passeth its sell-by and it was like poison unto them and they didst wail and gnash their teeth.  When they beheld the bill there was again more wailing and gnashing of teeth.  Met they also a wise Samaritan from Sheffield who spake unto them that the elephants at Kodanad were woe-eyed and sad and thus they didst not go there.  Unto Thrikkakara instead they journeyed to observeth the rituals of the pagans found there.  One score minus 11 elephants were standest in a row and they agreed that it was mighty and that it was bright.  Firest the unbelivers a great mortar, even so mighty that it causeth car alarms to ring and all that heard this wailed in agony.  And gnasheth their teeth, obviously.  And the next day they went once more unto the cafes and met Nu-ala, who is unliketh nu-metal or even nu-rave, and she spake of Quilon which is calleth now by the people Kollam, and playeth cards of 52 in number and not that that is 54 and includeth jokers, and it was good.

Whenceforth hunger struck and they repaired unto Lee-lu for bread and shew them not only bread but also teacheth them to maketh their own.  Unleavened were the loaves and thus they were pure and breaeth them no rules of the Lord.  Headest they with daybreak to Kottayam upon the rumour of boats liketh serpents that wouldst race on the water.  Again findeth they a charioteer that knoweth not what he did and thus there was much wailing and, you knoweth, gnashing of teeth also.  When three they arrived at the lake, which was even unto a stream or a river, being many cubits longer than wide, it was barren of people.  Verily it filleth up later but they angereth the lord and he sent plagues to bedevil them, first of screaming througheth a poor PA system liketh as those from the pit, then of rain that falleth from the sky then of insects that biteth and really, really hurteth, even more than standething on a plug.

Thrice festivals were there near Kochi so once more didst they sally out, this time unto Thrissur which is now called Trichur or be it the other way aroundeth?  There seeith them men that were painted as beasts that they might fright away demons and evil spirits.  All o'er town strode men with bellies liketh unto tigers and also leopards and indeed just stripy bright people.  The fattest among them were terrifying to behold as their great girths wobbleth and swayeth with terrible furies.  All among this was a poundeth on drums liketh that of thunder.  This displeased him who sent rain unto their parade which was a sign, that being to catcheth the train home with some battereth chillies.  Nu-ala also displeaseth the lord and was striketh with a cold, so that she was bedridden and they were two once more.  Upon the final day they didst wake early for the final time and descend-eth they unto the hindmost waters of the area, known as the backwaters of Kerala wherest Arundhati Roy had scribed something-or-other that was welcometh in the lands of the west.  Verily the backwaters were tranquil and calm also.  All that breaketh the silence was the guide for he spake in tongues liketh those of the daleks.  And thus endeth their Keralan chapter for good or for bad as the two headeth back unto the land of the Tamils...