(Jan 09)
Anyone who knows me well will probably know what happened in early January and hence why I have taken so long to write about. Really it is the one reason, not my usual laziness which has made me get so far behind on my blog. To put it simply I subconsciously, then I suppose consciously avoided writing about what had happened purely for the fact that I was not dealing with things. Even now, 8 or so months later I’m still in that happy bubble of denial which does not want to burst so I can move on. I guess I don’t want to move on in a way. Denial is a small luxury I have living over here when it comes to grief. Purely for the fact that nearly everyone I know or at least have known for quite a while are on the other side of the planet, so with many things in a way I can just not deal with something because it is “back home”. One example of this is my Grandma’s death last year; I think I am still in the “back home” frame of mind so that in a way cushions me from dealing with it. I suppose the problem with what happened in January was the fact that it wasn’t “back home”, it was over here. Yet I was utterly helpless to do anything, perhaps even more so because of my illness, and that made it hurt even more.
Simply put, someone I loved very much died quite suddenly after a very short illness. All of this happened over New Year when I myself also ended up in hospital sick from the illness which I had been suffering from over Christmas. I was too sick to fly home to Australia, and was alone, sick, and utterly completely miserable in London. It was not a good time for me.
For now that is all I will say about that- thankyou to everyone who tried to help me. It was appreciated even though I may not have shown it at the time.
Please keep the comments to a minimum on this one.
