Yes I know it is shameless, but I did steal the title of a rather inconsequential movie-except for the fact that Wesley Snipes refused to pay taxes on the income he made off of that film- to be the title of my newest blog. If you were wondering and I know you are, yes this blog is coming equipped with a new movie. I'll get into some movie stuff later but first lets get back to the title shall we. So as you all know I am like a white Larry Bird..er never mind, so as I was saying I am an excellent basketball player. I am in the prime of my basketball playing life and I am in peak physical condition. So once again today Finn and I set off to school some Chinese dudes in hoops. First let me remind you that my last outing resulting in a punch to the face, not unlike the Oregon v. Boise State punch to the face, a stubbed finger and sore knees. That was like 3 days ago though so I was feeling good. I actually shot a video of me and Finn walking up to the courts, it was about a 5 or 6 minute walk, but it gives you a window into my daily life in Shiyan. Sadly that is not the video you will see attached to this blog, I will explain why later. So we show up to the courts and our normal M.O. (modus operandi it's Latin) is to find a court where there isn't a game but a few people shooting around. We like to warm up a bit and the games usually find us. So we had just finished up a game when Tim walked over. Tim is actually the starter for our college's basketball team, oh yeah and he is the center. So he might only weigh in at like 160 pounds but he is also like 6 foot 7 inches, and he can dribble, shoot, and pass very well. HE also understands how to play basketball, which is usually mine and Finn's advantage especially when we are on a team together. See in China they watch edited NBA games, where they edit out the passing and set plays and such it is basically just a guy dribbling down the court and then you see a drive and a shot or dunk or what have you. So the guys all watch this and just assume basketball has no other parts. So they don't play defense, they don't pass when they a tripled team they just put up a crazy shot, or they just chuck up a three. So normally 3 on 3 or even better 4 on 4 me and Finn can dominate because we can post up pretty much everybody, we box out on rebounds and we pass to the open man. While the Chinese guys think they are Kobe, but in reality are Iverson going 12 for 39 every night but they actually make 2 or 3 spectacular shots cause they shoot 30 of them. So in a completely random selection Finn and I end up on a team against Tim, who I didn't mention is one of Finn's students. We actually dominated the game but I am pretty sure Tim blocked me and Finn like 5 times apiece. Now we got a few blocks in on him but he was just so quick and tall he usually got off a good shot. So at one point in the game a ball was going out of bounds and I was running after it (stop laughing I was running). Now in my mind I saw myself jumping after the ball grabbing it and tossing it back over my head and then landing out of bounds. So I get to the out of bounds line and my brain tells my feet to jump and my feet laugh. I mean they laughed like an old Jewish man when you ask him for 5 dollars to help feed the poor (I am Jewish so I can make Jew jokes, its not antisemitic so get off my back). So instead I did like this half skip slash large step where I just grabbed the ball and threw it back in. So as I am walking back I am kinda of chuckling and Finn is laughing and Tim looks right at me and says in perfect English, "You forgot to jump." Jeez thanks Tim maybe you could show me how to do it. So needless to say I was a little ashamed by my lack of physical prowess, but of course the best was yet to come. That would be when I was trying to grab a rebound and managed to stub the exact same finger I had stubbed 3 days ago, again. Wow it might have been one of the most painful things I have experienced, and I payed a guy to stick a camera up my butt. I mean I was drugged and everything but it wasn't like I was sore later. I mean it really hurt, I am freezing another bottle of water as we speak to ice down my finger again. Man I am old, fat, and nonathletic.
So getting back tot he video situation, apparently they are working fine which is awesome. The problem is I got the free service which only allows 500mbs a week. So I reached that already yesterday before I shot today's video. I also placed some of the older videos in the older posts because I can only post one video per post so instead of making a bunch of post that just say, "Here is another video" I just reused posts. My big problem is I have this clip, that I thought was like 15 or 20 minutes tops right. I watched it today and in the video I even keep saying wow this clip is like 12 minutes long or 15 minutes long. Yeah the clip is 40 minutes long, however it is hysterically funny. I mean it has like some of my best stuff on it. So I am going to try to break it into two separate sections and post both of them so you can see them. Of course I don't have a program that will do that but I got my IT guy (my brother) working on that for me or he will be very shortly. If we can't clip it I might have to break down and pay the 30 bucks to get the Vimeo premium service which has no upload limit on it.
As I might have mentioned I have been telling most of the Chinese people I am Brad Pitt and I am a very famous, rich and popular person. So of course the Chinese people responded by doing the only intelligent thing, they placed a security camera on a 12 foot pole directly outside of the door to my apartment building. The camera doesn't actually point directly at the door but it covers like 85% of the entrance. It would actually make me feel much safer except for the fact that like I said it doesn't cover the whole entrance, so I actually went Solid Snake on the camera and was able to make it into my apartment building without ever appearing in frame. But hey at least the Chinese government is taken my stardom seriously and is trying to protect me from the millions of fans who would want to accost Brad Pitt. So if you see a youtube video titled "Brad Pitt in China doing Tai Chi in his underwear" just be forewarned it might not actually be Brad Pitt and yous should censor small children, old women, and well pretty much anybody cause nobody wants to see that.
Football has started, I know it is college Dan Jewett and it doesn't count but it is football none the less. I did stay up till like 4 in the morning the other night to listen to the Buckeyes game on the radio. Finn and Luke are Alabama fans, and as Alabama fans they are completely myopic, unrealistic, and fanatical when it comes to their team. Which is OK until they woke me up at 8 on Sunday after I stayed up till four so we could watch the Alabama game, Yippee. Fantasy football will begin in like 3 days and I can't wait. Unlike Dan J. who is going to miss two weeks of football this year cause he will be on a stupid cruise, I am not going to miss a moment. Finn and I are going to split the 30 dollar cost of subscribing to NFL.com where I can get every game on demand. Plus I am going to win the Dynasty league while I am in China, because the rest of the league is that pathetic, and they can't respond to my claims about how pathetic they are because I have the travel blog and they don't. I will miss Dan J.'s call every Sunday morning at like 11:30, "OK I got to start 2 guys who should I go with, I got J Stew. at Tampa Bay, I got Ernest playing Carolina and he has been getting the majority of the carries and Ben Jarvis Green Ellis playing the Jets in New York. Who would you start." See this is where Dan tells me how much better he is than me cause he plays the waiver wire, but he has these decision every week, I just start all my studs and win the Superbowl cause I know how to draft and how to make Jeremy trade me all his good players for trash. At this point Dan is screaming at Jamie to come in here and read this crap, J.P. is trying to say he is a better drafter than me, he just steals all my picks. I do like 403 mock drafts a year and then he just sits next to me and steals all the picks off of my sheets. Yes Dan cause I wasn't sure if Fred Jackson a guy who I HAD on my team last year and is the starter for the first 3 weeks cause of a suspension to Lynch would be any good till you drafted him. Dan by the way is losing his mind right now and yelling at the computer screw, Jamie and Lexie (I don't know how to spell it but who cares I hate that dog). By the way your sister is hot, don't show this to Don he will take me out.
All right that is all I got goodnight I have to go to bed so I can get up early and Call the U.S of A.
