I stand in my room and
pull on some slightly short white fishnet stockings over
some other slightly shorter white opaque stockings.
The cotton gussets overlap with a half inch gap and they still sit a good two inches below my crotch. mmm. attractive.
I start at the toes and pull them up inch by inch over my legs until they stretch. When the gussets sit where they are meant to my legs take on a shiny, crocheted appearance. I feel protected by their opacity.
I cast my eyes around the room in the hope of finding the right garment to go on top.
I spy my grandmother's torpedo boobed speedo swimsuit from the 60's. Big black and white geometric shapes, the bra cups separate the breasts up and out.
Oh yeah.
I am going to a Retro Sci Fi party.
On go the boots, a silver skivvy and a pair of fish eye glasses. My flatmate gives me a "gadget"...one of those backlit 20 question games that I attach to myself with a string.
And as the final touch (since I have a fair amount of room in there)
I hide a flashing blue light inside my left torpedo cup.
Off we go.
We arrive to a shiny place filled with lights and tin foil and retro and not so retro beats. We make our way through aliens, tinfoiled folk, people wearing stack hats, plastic bag tutus and various shades of glowstick. and spandex, did I mention the spandex?
We dance and talk and drink and dance and shake our torpedoed boobs in concentric circles. We try not to try not to catch our nylon on fire. We try not to poke our short friends eyes out with our torpedos.
Every now and then I get tired and go and sit by the fire and play 20 questions with tripping stripy coneheads
And watch furry men talk to shiny women dance with robotic cyborgs sing with wierd aliens pat the back of a vomiting man who came in a dress just cos he heard there was a dress up party and thought a man dressed as a woman is welcome anywhere.
I speak to a space man with a big curly wig who keeps disappearing up a tree. He watches me watching everyone else.
Oh, he says, you're the girl with the flashing breast.
That would be me.
His best friend is David Bowie. Bowie also likes the tree and climbs along the branch to urinate in a long arc into the neighbours yard. If it glowed in the dark it would be more sci fi.
There is a cat who sits by the fire, in the middle of this sci-fi craziness and just purrs.
I wonder what planet she is from.
At messy-time (much later than the usual 2am) I decide it is time to leave. I pull the flashing light out of my boob and use it to light my way home.
It is a true human relief to peel each layer of nylon off my body
And finally go to the loo on planet Earth.
