The rules of driving in Vietnam differ somewhat from the UK. Here, through use of a translator is the Vietnamese Highway Code.
Motorcyclists
1a There is no legal limit on the number of persons on one bike. However, if you do exceed 18 people please contact the Guiness Book of records as this may be a new one.
1b Children only count as half a person on a bike.
2a Motorcycle drivers are reminded that at all times the road must be made as difficult as possible for pedestrians.
2b Pedestrians are basically part of the road and should be treated as thus, especially the elderly, children and Americans.
3a It is illegal to sound the horn on a public road less than 8 times.
3b Driving into oncoming traffic, swerving irrationally and narrowly missing people is a safe way to drive.
3c At night time lights are compulsory. (unless they don't work)
4a Your motorcycle should be regularly serviced by any of the following AUTHORISED dealers. Uncle, friend, Aunt, brother, grandchild or anyone without a qualification in mechanics.
4b Helmets prolong the agony of a crash and must never be worn whilst driving.
4c The same applies to all other protective gear.
5. Driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs is strictly forbidden unless:
a You are a moto driver, Tuk Tuk driver, Taxi driver or Tri-Shaw driver
5b. Moto drivers - If a tourist asks you to slow down, adopt the following procedure - speed up
6a Moto drivers must NOT give way to pedestrians
6b Overtaking is acceptable on pavements ONLY if pedestrians are present in large numbers.
Pedestrians
1a You have NO rights on the road.
1b You have No rights on the pavement
1c When approaching a junction, look left, look right then, if religious, pray.
2. Before stepping onto the road - make a will
Lorry/Bus drivers
1a You must wait until right up the behind of a motorcycle before using your airhorns so as to create maximum shock
1b The centre of the road is exclusively yours. Anything that moves there can be mowed down.
1c Don't ponce around! use your size to intimidate other road users or get out and let somebody else drive, you're clearly not meant for a truck.
2a. At the traffic lights always ensure you rev your engine constantly. This will allow motorcyclists to inhale the full carcinogenic load of your 8 litre engine and re-affirm who is the Boss.
