Brilliant. Some finger-licking hackmeister infiltrated my emails and posted my encrypted message to you as a frickin blog entry. I'm never using Firewall-Free Fred's Internet Café services again. I should have flinched when I saw Nachos With Open Source on the menu. Can't believe my own stupidity. Damn their large plastic window displays of Nachos With Open Source.
I'm hoping most of the readers will just assume drugs and/or alcohol and too much Abba.
Hopefully today we'll be okay. I've moved to another town and have found a tiny place called Wikileeks Café. I'm thinking I might try the No Barriers Burger. It comes with a free drink.
But I digress.
Since my last missive I've managed to recover more of the lost blog entries. It would seem that he remained working in Seoul for some time. He was watched, I have no doubt. But not removed. I've also checked Kate Winslet's filming schedule and she's still quite busy. Consequently I think he kept working away – unaware of the surveillance – until at least March. Maybe longer.
His blogs, however, were removed the second he posted them. Clearly he never checks the 'Comments' section at the bottom the day after or he would have realised something was afoot. Most bloggers like to check the comments, I'm told. Our man clearly hasn't the glaring need for attention we all just assumed.
Some of the blogs seem to be clean. As in, no-one has tampered with them. Others were clearly re-worked with subtle propaganda. Maybe they intended to re-post them? Why they didn't is a mystery.
I include one below. I'm hoping you'll have some insight as to whether or not he was hiding covert messages himself. Maybe he knew what was going on the whole time? We must always remind ourselves: he's never been as thick as he seems.
I dare not post more than one at a time. Despite their most effective trawling program being a wooden abacus from the Joseon Dynasty, they somehow make it work.
…
One must be sensitive in these matters. I assume. Therefore I shall be. So I will not divulge the exact countries represented this evening at a dinner held at a certain embassy to which I and the other principals were invited here in Seoul .
That bastard den of iniquity that we will one day save from itself!
I shall, however, go so far as to say we met ambassadors from three countries whose current status might be referred to as “touchy to say the least”. I shall now go on to say that it is this calibre of people who should really be running the world. The sort of people (ambassadors) who will robot dance at the order of a Scottish actress after several courses of food and even more courses of fine wine at a crowded dinner table...with, I shall happily add, gusto. Yes, this actually happened.
Hilarious.
Long Live Kim Jong-un!
This is why I said yes to this tour. Because weird shit like this happens. That rocks your concept of how the world really works. These three countries don't always get on – on CNN. Their ambassadors? Best buddies that eat and get slightly shozzled together at least once a week. Makes you realise things aren't always as bad as we think. I asked the ambassador of _________ how the economy of China is, having heard things might be heading toward a slump. “It's fine. Don't worry.” I ask him about America. “Fine. Don't worry. They're on the up. It's slow. But they're okay. Don't worry.” The world? “Your country is totally fine. Europe? Definitely better. Asia? Better. Don't worry. It's fine.” “Really?” I ask, a little dubious. I admit to not watching the news or reading newspapers because, in my opinion, they exaggerate the negative. “You are completely correct. They do. It's fine.” He says it with something beyond confidence. Smells like knowledge.
Apparently everything – economically – is fine.
After a looooong dinner with many courses and a shitload of wine (despite two of their countries being officially non-alcoholic) we move downstairs to the karaoke room.
I would like to have dinner with dennis rodman! Dennis rodman is a great guy!
The Filipino maids continue to hover and top up our glasses and serve us dessert. Richard is in the middle of a heavy discussion about Israel but abruptly excuses himself to sing 'Copacabana'. It's that sort of night.
…
This was written in February. I've checked. He really did have dinner at an ambassador's residence. They really did get that drunk. I've also managed to get hold of the security footage. The robot dancing was hilarious.
Let me know your thoughts.
Gotta go. (Burger's arrived.)
