China in a nut shell My dealings with China

Ni hao! This is my festive blog, it is filled with wonder, cheer and puppies! Stray ones being chased by men with big nets but puppies none the less! I hope you can write me back after reading this as it would be great to hear even a line or two about everyone’s well being and Christmas goings ons. Let’s start with the weather! Although it isn’t so interesting it’s setting the scene so … Although it is almost Christmas we have still had some pretty warm weather. 23 degrees a few days ago! Mostly jumper weather but still lots of sun. It is a lot warmer than last year in Huizhou anyway. So that's the scene, sunny mostly warm weather hahahaaaaaaa NEXT! School what a place! Everyone is really nice to me there, so I am always happy to go to work. Being nice doesn’t always get the job done though and I have to get angry at someone! I like all the Chinese teachers very much. There is Crystal (a different crystal) who is going to become head of teaching soon and she is the nicest. She gives me Chinese lessons, not great lessons, but she still tries to help. Maybe it’s the name I have a soft spot for but I can’t say many bad things about her. Nancy is cool, lots of fun and lots of energy and really good English maybe just a little mental. AND little Nina, she is short and very pretty. Cute, cute, cute. I spend a lot of time talking to these girls at work. When another foreigner comes I am always scared they will leave me for the new foreigner but it hasn’t happened yet! I have 2-3 demo classes a week. Where kids and parents come to get a sample of what being in our school is like, for free. Not a lot of students sign because our school is stupidly expensive but I have been doing my best in these classes because I get extra money if a student joins the school because of me. Last month 20 students joined the school and I was told 7 were from my demo classes which I was chuffed about, although I am sure I am being short changed as the other foreign teachers hardly signed anyone. Our schools biggest problem is its atrocious administration. . I have been getting on better with my kids too. I haven’t seen tears in weeks! In class anyway. However a week ago I was chasing a student after class and she slipped on a toy block and started crying, 5 minutes later it was my fault so she throws something big and plastic at my face hitting me in the lip from almost point blank (I didn’t believe she would do it). Her mother was the whitest Chinese woman I have ever seen! It cut my lip, so her mother forced her (and me) to stay for another 20 minutes until she apologised. I got a free calendar from her yesterday, WIN! But classes are going better too. I have changed my teaching to fit better with the school requirements though and so I have sacrificed my style to produce better results. They can read the story much better than last month but there are a lot of mistakes in the story making it tough to teach clearly. In a few more months I will have it down I reckon! I have been told my classes can be tough for students because although I play games it is always related to the material and so can be a bit less fun or some shit, I was told I should play a game or 2 totally unrelated to get them brimming with energy and all that bollocks again. This annoyed me! I am not good at accepting advice I know but I will do my best to try this stupid but possibly good idea. What is wrong with lots of fun course oriented games? Grrrrrrrrrr. Because our school signed so many students last month (because of ME ) I was invited out for a free lunch, the only foreigner invited!!! We went to this all you can eat restaurant. IT HAD ITS OWN BUFFET MAP! What does this tell you? WHAT? It was massive and had every conceivable type of Chinese food as well as food from other parts of the world. There was a special booth or 12, 1 for sharks fin…Did I mention free alcohol? Free pour beer, champagne and cocktails! We started our meal at 11 30am. Cracked into the booze from the start and was pretty much drinking alone for our 3 hour lunch. There was a foreign guy singing and playing the piano for an hour or two and he was excellent, oh and also a vodka bar/room. One of those freezing cold ones filled with ice. It was small but cool…get it? COOL! Oh I’m hilarious. Is drinking vodka in the cold better? Does it get you more drunk? I will ask Google later. The food was great too. I had all sorts in-between my drinks. After lunch they wanted to go for a walk, I wanted a lie down, bastards. But this did lead to us playing some snooker. I played 4 games against my boss Tim. It was great to play some snooker again. I made some pretty good shots and the games were close but very luckily I managed to beat Tim 4-0! Although I could easily have lost every game as well I still hope I can play him again sometime. Tomorrow is our schools ‘Christmas day’. We are having 20 families come to the school for：A PowerPoint presentation on Christmas (made and presented by me), Christmas carols (taught by yours truly), arts and crafts overseen by me and me being Santa. Wouldn’t it be funny if I just didn’t show up? Then in the afternoon something no one has told me anything about. AND that is everything school related covered！ My part time work has been going well but it is tiring and I have decided I want to give it up at the end of this semester. I am just scared to call the boss as he is a nice guy and made some promises but it is only a part time job. So I will have more free time to exercise and to learn Chinese! Ooooooor watch movies. The dog catcher reference at the very start is about a few nights ago. I just got off the lift and was walking down the corridor to my door and heard this clink...clink...clink behind me. Too scared to turn around I just walked to my door and risked a sneak peak down the corridor then. There was a security guard with a carbon copy of a cartoon dog catching net who had followed me, knocking his net off the ground as he walked. He asked me if I had seen a small wild dog, I hadn't. I felt bad for the little dog that was most likely going to get cooked by this man. But maybe you are impressed i understood what he said in Chinese? I know Iwas! I am now 25! My birthday was a quiet one at home, just cake and…..flowers from Crystal. I just went home and drunk some beer and the wife came home with roses. It made me laugh which didn’t go down well. The cake was nice and the present! I have forgotten, I just asked Crystal and she has forgotten too hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa excellent. I got something and I am sure it was nice anyway. I REMEMBER it was a new razor AND a plant! I love them! Just after getting paid I went to Huizhou and had a few shandys with my friends there. I spent a stupid amount of money but I had a great 3 days so it was almost worth it. Let me tell you more. The first evening was movies and beer with my friend Jam. The next afternoon I had a big lunch with people from my last job. It was really nice to see them and catch up. I also met the new foreign teacher at my last school which arrived the night before. That evening we all got very pissed as well. Crystal tried to take me back to my friend’s house but I forgot how to get there so she tried taking me to a hotel. I decided on a mid street nap whilst crystal was asking if I was allowed to stay in the hotel and later I fell asleep IN the toilet (NOT ON the toilet as it was not a western toilet) locking crystal out of the bedroom. GOOD TIMES! I apologised a lot in the morning and eventually everything was good! I bought us some breakfast and we were going to go home but decided to stay for another night! I was a good boy after that just watching movies and having 1 beer... The morning we were leaving I got to the bus stop at 9am not feeling very well (no idea why!)to find an under bridge martial arts street fighting type event. Men in their mid 40’s having what looked like a totally unorganised and unsanctioned bout. We were in the centre of the town outside the busiest bus station in Huizhou. I saw 2 sets of men taking off suit jackets and ties and start fighting: punching, headlocks and scrapping on the ground. There were scores of motorbike / taxi drivers cheering them on with real gusto. Then another pair did the same thing. What a way for anyone to start a Wednesday morning. I have joined the gym upstairs from my school and am running a few times a week so hopefully I can lose some weight at the start of next year. It has hardly changed since I came back so I will do my best. Running before work but after seeing one of their ‘professionals’ I hope I can start to lift some weights too. Christmas! Current events! Huzza. So it is a very low spirited go at it this year. No real decorations and no big Christmas activities! I do have Christmas day off this year though so I will be getting drunk from pretty early in the day. I am having hotpot for lunch with Crystal’s sisters and brother. It should be delicious because they are all hotpot professionals and enthusiasts. After that, Skype with the family! Then at 11am on Boxing Day I have a gym training type gig. I forgot it was Boxing Day…shit. I am going to be so hung over every aching stomach crunch is going to be accompanied by a shower of vomit and every lifted weight will be joined by feminine pleas for mercy. Or maybe I just won’t drink that much. As for New Year a quiet one in the house getting blasted with the wife is on the cards. My Huizhou friends don’t have any big plans either. BUT I think this year is going to be a big year so maybe a slow start is a good idea. It turns out I will not be going to Crystals home town to meet her family this spring festival as her mother doesn’t want to meet me. She honest to god is still trying to convince Crystal to move home and marry a local businessman. I have nothing more to say on this subject. To leave on a good note Crystal bought some biscuits as presents and has decided not to give them away and so now I can eat them! Pre dinner and after dinner snack sorted! Love to all my family and friends and anyone who stumbled upon this. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Love Sam.