China in a nut shell

The MarchApril adventure

samvanneilson — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 16:52:00 GMT

Welcome back! I didn’t write a blog last month and so this will be a doubled up attempt at keeping you informed of my happenings. These 2 months have been very ordinary but I hope you still enjoy reading.

So let’s start with March!

…I have no idea what happened for the first half of this month but it was Crystal’s birthday in the middle! She turned a lovely 23. I spent quite a bit of time shopping for ideas and finally decided on a new phone. She liked it very much and it is pretty cool. It’s the ‘Samsung Galaxy something something’ but it’s MASSIVE. Having a few problems with it right now, nothing a good beating won’t fix (I think) but if that doesn’t work we are going to speak to someone who knows a little more about phones soon. On her birthday we ate some delicious foods and also went to the Canton Tower. It was a Tuesday and was NOT busy. It is this really tall tower, one of the tallest in the world I think, 600ish metres. At the top there is the world tallest bubble tram, like the London eye but horizontal. The building is pretty cool to look at and so was the tram to go on but being in the actually tower was preeeetty boring. There is nothing to do but look out, on Saturdays there is a glass stair case that is open and it spirals down like 40 floors but we didn’t get to give it a whirl…ha. Got a few photos and will get them online at some point, if not I will show you them when I come home next time J

I bought a laptop this month. It is pretty sweet! So now I have a shiny new computer and crystal has a shiny new phone and so now I have no money. I lived on 100 pounds for 20 days. It was rough!!!

So crystal and I are doing much better now which makes me happy to say. Relationship burning on all cylinders. She has also been promoted to the teaching director at her school. It seems to be quite difficult for her but with more time I think it will be easier. All her practice arguing with me is paying off as she is arguing a lot with the foreign teachers in her school. Also kicking ass and chewing gum. She has decided this is the job for her in the future so I hope she likes it. HOWEVER this job has come with a lot of totally unreasonable extras. She now gets calls all morning most mornings about work and essentially takes up all her free time. She also never got any real training and is getting some trouble for not knowing about things that she should have done but was never informed she had to do. I HATE THE MANAGEMENT IN MY COMPANY. They are so poorly organised and fill me with such hate ohhhhhhhh hate…it is actually closer to loathing.

School actually tries to be really nice to ME but to others and just some of the things they say and do which think is smart but is totally stupid. I have been given a class that goes over the end of one of my days work and they are paying me a bit more money for it which is cool. They also give me ALL our schools demo classes. So we have a team of people who go beat the streets and organise people to come and have a free demo class. I teach this and if the parents like it they sign their kids up. If they do this I get 5 pounds. So in April I got 14 kids to join our school (which is a looooooooot) so I got 70 pounds. This is the most I have signed or anyone I know has signed so I was pretty chuffed about it. The school makes between 1250 pounds and 2000 pounds per kid so I am helping the school too. The last few months I have been signing around 8 students a time as well so in total around 40 kids have signed up and paid to learn here. That can’t be a bad number for 6 months work. Our other ‘main’ school signs like 2 a month so I think it’s good.

I have discovered a new found love for smoothies. Blueberry or Lemon. DAMN they are good. The weather is warming up now and so the smoothies are the perfect drink. HOWEVER it is mostly stormy so it rains like never before with some serious displays of thunder and lightning.

As I said I spent the second half of April poor as a homeless person…so I didn’t do anything interesting during these days. Went for some walks, did some jogging in the gym and worked my butt cheeks off.

That takes us to April!

I got paid on the 10^th and that was great, no more being poor! I got a little extra money because I had some training lessons for other teachers so Crystal and I ate some nice food for a few days. I also decided it was time to start saving money this month and so have put some aside to pay back my bank in the U.K. hopefully I can do that in the next 3 months.

I also painted some beautiful chinese themed eggs that will be uploaded too!

Still doing that I have money to party about with! So I went to Huizhou with crystal last weekend. We drank some beer, hung out and just chilled. Good times!

At work this month I have been really busy. We have to write lesson plans that will be going into a book and I have volunteered to correct the software. If do well at both of these I get some money so I have tried my best at these. I have also been given more classes so I am very close to my contract maximum which sucks because it is all different levels and so I have to prepare for a ton of different classes. Most of these classes I teach by myself because I can handle the kids and so I am just busy at work all the time. I go to work an hour before I have to start work just the get a back on track.

This month has been really sedate outside of work. Sorry I couldn’t entertain anymore! Today is our Easter celebration and I am in charge of the egg and spoon race. The eggs are hollow so it should be interesting…

If anything exciting does happen I will let you know! I am back on Facebook so chirp me there :D

BUT you can tell me all about your happenings. How was your Easter?

Lots of Love, Sam

Remember that time i did stuff, well i have done a little more stuff now

samvanneilson — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 21:19:00 GMT

This has to come out today as I said to myself I would try and write a blog every month so thank god this is a leap year and I have this extra day! Let’s get started shall we?

Chinese New Year is our first stop in the blog. It was my first holiday from SK and it lasted for 10 days from the 20th. I went to Huizhou from the first 6 and then spent the last 4 back in Guangzhou. I was supposed to start again on the 28th but I was given 2 more days off! In Huizhou I stayed with my friend Jam. Not the nicest apartment, this is me being nice, but it did the job. 4 nights Jam and I stayed up very late watching movies shooting the shit and drinking some beers (well I drank the beers he drank coffee). It was fun but tiring. 1 afternoon I hung out with some other friends, another I went for a massage at my favourite massage place! And on the day of the Chinese New Year I went to my friend Victoria’s house to enjoy it with her and her family and another foreigner who took my job when I left. We had a few drinks, did some chatting, ate some really delicious food and set off some fireworks! It was good fun. After that the young-uns (me and people my age!) went to the bar for a few beers. It was a new bar in Huizhou which was pretty nice. I was supposed to leave on the 25th but ended up leaving on the 26th…another night of movies! Back in Guangzhou on the 26th and sorted the new bank card out pronto. A few beers with people from work and a lot of Sam time. Really enjoyable! But then DISASTER! I had a few too many shandies with some friends one night and the next day I was vomiting every 30 minutes regardless of eating drinking or breathing. Finally 8pm rolled around and I was feeling a bit better! I lost my keys to the house that night so I couldn’t even leave until crystal came back which was very late the next day. 2 days without leaving the house! So I did some ultimate slobbing. She came back and it was straight to work the next day if I remember correctly but maybe I don't…:D HAPPY

So work! It has been going pretty well. People are nice, the kids are okay mostly and I have thought up some new and slightly less boring games to play games which seem to be working for now. There has been a small shift about of the foreign teachers. One guy from my school has gone to the other and the part time teacher David has now started full time. This man speaks the most shit I have ever heard. It’s hilarious I think he has convinced himself that what he says is true as well e.g. lost his virginity at 10 OR his sister who is a part time English teacher bought 100 bottles of champagne in a club in Guangzhou just a few weeks ago. I like him though he is funny!
I actually was the teacher of a training session recently. I was allowed to choose the topic so I chose to do it on 'new innovative and alternate ways to use the courseware, the software and the computer it self'. My ideas turned to really impress them but my presentation wasn’t that great which I later found out was the important part. Silly Sam! Apparently it was the start to the grooming process to become a future teacher trainer but I quickly dismissed their fears I might want to be one by telling them unless they pay me a lot more money they can chuff off. No more smiles form the Chinese staff there. Despite sucking at the presentation they still asked me to go on stage at a teaching convention a few days ago and have me do a little English demo with some kids. This actually went okay so go me! So I have host or presented 4 out of the 4 events I have been a part of with the school.

I have heard wind of a new contract that could see my salary fall by a few hundred pounds. Although this goes against my current contract (which means they have to give me 500 pounds) no one gives a shit so soon I will be told to sign it or find a new job BUT because they say I am quitting by not signing the new contract they don’t have to pay me the severance fee (happened to others already). I work my ass off compared to the other teachers and although they say they appreciate that, I know they couldn’t give two poodle farts. We shall see how it goes, I was told sometime in March…could be tomorrow! A few Chinese staff have been leaving to as they were also forced into a new contract that gave some a pay cut and kept others the same. They say they consider a lot of things, if they consider effort I am getting a rise! I am the only foreigner that writes lesson plans apparently…

Crystal news time! We have been surviving for a while but it feels just like that. I don’t want to break up but who knows. Recently there was a big scare when I thought I was visiting dumpsville. We talked it out and are trying to make things better. The reasons she was thinking of dumping me were: I can’t take care of myself (I get too hungover) even though I drink at most, twice a week sometimes not even once. The other was that I am too friendly to other girls (the ones I work with) even though I have never actually done anything with any of them and don’t want to its bad enough already she says. Trust being the missing link in this case, which Crystal admitted she didn’t have for me. These I don’t think are good enough reasons as they have both could have been said from the day we started dating. So will keep my hands to myself and not let booze pass these lips! Anyway NOW thinks are better but if she tells me “I think I will not break up with you” again she will be hitting the bricks.
As for her life! She was also forced into a new contract but her pay is around the same and her workload is a bit better it seems. Her 1st sister has moved to a province quite far away, Sichuan. She has the back of an 80 year old lady which gives her plenty of reason to ask for a back massage 3-4 times a week! I am getting pretty good it think so I might become a masseur one day! Through these problems we thought a trip for valentines would be a good idea.

Xia men. This was a 10 hour bus journey from Guangzhou. We get the bus which was like a bed bus that stunk of 100 feet and had beds designed for skinny Chinese people. Needless to say I struggled a bit. Arrived on Monday morning at 5 30am. Had some rice soup and started our site sighting at 6 30a.m. with our luggage. We first visited Xia Men University. Meant to be one of the prettiest universities in China and it wasn’t bad! It had a big lake in the middle with some black swans and from what I could see at least 50 dead fish floating around on the surface of the water. There were lots of nice building and old trees and things that you associate with a nice looking Chinese university. We then went to a temple which turned out to be at the bottom of a mountain. It was really nice and although only 7 30a.m. quite busy. I convinced Crystal to climb this mountain with me and I really enjoyed it. It was tiring but good fun, some nice views and features. The photos didn't turn out great because of the fog though. Crystal was most impressed by the man who roamed the entire thing looking for plastic bottles. He was a bit like a tan, rubbery sknned, smelly, ninja. When we got back to the bottom it was around 11 so we had some really expensive fish for lunch and then went to one more sight next to the beach this time. It was an Old Dutch fort with cannons. We couldn’t be bothered with it though so we walked along the beach! After some walking and mutual agreement on our exhaustion levels we got the ferry to the little island we wanted to stay on. ‘Gu lang yu’ was the name of the island. Less than a mile across and it was really nice and busy and cool and full of sea food and culture and seafood. We slept for 3 hours from 3 to 6 then went out for dinner and to do some shopping. Lots of thrift and touristy type shops. I only saw one other foreigner the entire time! It seemed like a nice place for lots of Chinese tourists to visit. Crammed with B E A utiful woman (crystal said it not me, I just thought it!). After some shopping some drinks in a few bars. 2 drinks to be exact, cocktails, and that led to crystal being sick in a street near the bar. “These drinks aren’t strong” hahaaaaaaaaa! famous last words if ever I heard em! In bed by 12 and that takes us to valentine’s day.
It rained all day but didn’t stop us from going out and seeing the sites. Later I learned Crystal is an annoying, complaisant so and so when she is out in the rain. She wrote that she loved me in a big heart in the sand because she saw other people doing it and so I returned the favour, how NICE! I still managed to have fun and enjoy all most all of it! We also got a boat trip around the island and it seems I am ok on boats of almost any size now! Another 10 hour bus trip home but this bus was another species. Comfy, empty, clean and minus the gag inducing smell of 500 pairs of 500 year old socks. So that takes us pretty much up to now.

I saw my first few 6 nations’ rugby games last weekend which was pretty enjoyable. In an Irish bar but no one was cheering for Ireland or at all but me and my group of folks. It was fun. I didn’t go to sleep that night but didn't drink a lot either just hung out with some people all night which was pretty cool. School the next day was tough! I was a real zombie.
Yesterday I went back to ‘Bai Yun Shan’ with crystal to search for Peach flowers. We walked for 3 hours before making it to the garden. Of course I did my fair share of crystal carrying with only another hour walking after to be enjoyed as well. The garden was really nice and there were some nice colours and lots of flowers/trees/plants to see. We took some photos so I hope we can get them up at some point. That takes us to today!
I went to my first IKEA today with the girls from my school which was pretty cool and much more affordable that I thought it would be. I will go back with crystal when we get paid and buy some cool stuff. Sweden in Chinese is ‘Rai dian’ which I thought is a pretty cool sounding word. Also I have decided I am going to buy a projector when I get paid so I can watch my movies on a big ass, dope ass screen! Any recommendations? Around 300 pounds I am thinking. Of course thank you for reading and I hope you could leave a comment about your recent goings ons. Love Sam

Year of the Dragon

samvanneilson — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 14:46:00 GMT

So my first blog of the new year! Let me tell you about my businesses from the end of last year all the way up to this very minute! Christmas time is our first stop! On Christmas Eve I went for a few drinks with a new teacher in my school. We went to a local bar and for a few quite ones but for some reason the drinking soon escalated and Crystal even joined us! Crystal had her first tequila shots and it was a good time. At around 10 we decided to go to the new teachers friends place miles away. We tried the metro but on a Saturday night you cannot move anywhere. Not good for a tipsy Crystal…so she took a few spews in the nearest trash cans. SO FUNNY! There were hundreds of people shuffling about trying to get on a train just 2 metres away which were already full of people. We decided to get a taxi and that was another disaster! 1 hour of trying and all we had to show for it was a few beers from the shop. Back to the metro and we were off! The party was full of foreigners which was a little scary. Oh man, I did one of the stupidest things I have ever done. I went into the kitchen and some people were talking and this one black guy from the U.K. was talking about his holiday in Jamaica SO I put on my worst accent and said something stupid I don't remember probably “beer can”. Everyone went quite and then give me shit for a list of things. I wanted to die! Still do. Just like this cringe worthy awkward moments in movies. Swiftly after the building security came and closed down the party so I stole some beer from the fridge and went home, never to return. My friend also moved to another city to start in a new school so we don’t meet a lot anymore. Christmas day I sported a moderate hangover so there was no drinking. Crystal had me up at 8 o’clock to open Christmas presents. Crystal really liked hers, I think, and mine were just what I wanted, a sports bag and iPod shuffle (for more sporting action). The girls from school had all gotten m presents so I had quite a few to open! In the afternoon Crystals sisters and one of her brothers came round and we had some hotpot and some chat. Delicious, I love hotpot! Man I’m hungry right now actually. They left by 3 and the rest of the day was spent online talking to my family! I was quite home sick but it was good to see them for so long. No beer all day! I would have killed some bucks fizz in the evening though, damn you CHRIS! New Year is a short story. I stayed at home. Watched the countdown show on T.V with Crystal then went to bed. Now for some work related news. A new, new teacher has started at my school! Well a few did but then there were multiple sackings and I was getting a little nervous they would start wielding the axe all too readily but I am still here! So first there was Andy came for a few weeks and then he moved to a new school. Then a girl called Sammy who came for 7 days and then on the seventh day she rested! Haha some bible humour ;) No not really, she came to work to do her classes and they said “oh [sorry] we don’t need [our souls or] you anymore” so she cried and everyone agreed the company is run by massive . Out of the blue as well, she was doing an alright job I thought and the day before she even told me she liked it here and looked forward to staying. They hired 2 new teachers to replace her and Craig (the other full time teacher who went home over Christmas because of a sick grandpa and our school thought he wouldn’t return because he fights with the school so much) BUT Craig did return so they fired one of the new teachers before he ever taught a class. So now there are 3 full time teachers at my school: Me, Craig and Jaret. Jaret is Canadian and an alright guy but far FAR too rich, handsome and cool. I don’t want to say more because it makes me sad, oh so sad. I got paid fully this month and oh boy was it great! I had all this money in my bank that I could spend at anytime! Chinese New Year coming up and a trip to my old city planned it was going to be pimp BUT alas NIGHTMARE!!! I have finished my part time job now. I did not like waking up so early or the commute or the pay but the schools and kids were great so I will miss them. I got my last 2 month’s salary from them too so I am super rich! BUT DISASTER!!! Chinese New Year is coming up. Class finished on the 15th and today is actually my last day of work before the holidays. The classes went well and I am slowly getting more students. With the New Year coming up the school organised a big event for the company to boost morale and show they care. We had a party on everyone’s day off that we had to attend…It was in a massive KTV room and there were shows and games and presentations galore. I won the ‘star teacher’ award and they gave me, ONLY me, a set of scales. Everyone else who won anything got a soup cooker or some nice wine or something. Suggesting much? They do like their fat jokes. After that us foreigners went for some (dozen) beers whilst the other girls from school had to go back to school to prepare for a test made by and for our school, which they were taking the next day. That makes it 17 days in a row they have not had a day off. No extra pay or holidays in lieu...So tomorrow is MY first day of the holidays BUT TERRIBLE NEWS! I will now tell you why there is so much bad news. I LOST MY WALLET! Dum dum duuuuuuum. Yes I was drunk and yes it was stupid. Thank you high and mighty observers. This is the first time I have lost my wallet and the next day I was 100% sure I would find it. The bar was 5 minutes from home and I lost it in a secure, rich person complex at around 2 a.m. so I spoke to everyone I met and it hasn’t turned up. This I thought still wasn’t a big problem. I can just go and get a new bank card. All the other cards I can replace as well. NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I went to the bank where I opened my account, with my face and my passport AND I was dealing with the man who originally opened my bank account. I have to wait 7 days to get my new card, “no problem” I said, I will just take some money out now then. “NO” “I’m sorry?” “NO” 7 days no money over the Chinese new year where the bank will be closed for around another week or so, so effectively around 14 days and no way to get any of my money. Why couldn’t they give me my money? Because they could not be sure I was me…ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?! I can’t use my online banking, transfer, anything. No way to speed it up. What I think is the second worst think about all this (after not believing I am me with all the evidence) is that if I was sober and lost my card or it was stolen this would still be happening to me. Chinese banking is so so soooooo stupid! 7 days is ‘waiting time’ where if no government office call and say there is a problem then they believe I am me. So if nothing changes they then believe I am me. I was so angry that I was calm you know what I mean? So now I am at work and was just given the strangest offer. Go and work at another school or stay and here and rest. I don’t know what the catch is but I feel like I am might get in trouble for choosing to stay and rest. So I am taking the risk, huzza! What did everyone else do for new year? Anyone have any good resolutions? I have none this year, I am getting lazy! Much love, Sam xxx

Merry Christmas / Street fighting / 24 rootin tootin years

samvanneilson — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:24:00 GMT

Ni hao! This is my festive blog, it is filled with wonder, cheer and puppies! Stray ones being chased by men with big nets but puppies none the less! I hope you can write me back after reading this as it would be great to hear even a line or two about everyone’s well being and Christmas goings ons. Let’s start with the weather! Although it isn’t so interesting it’s setting the scene so … Although it is almost Christmas we have still had some pretty warm weather. 23 degrees a few days ago! Mostly jumper weather but still lots of sun. It is a lot warmer than last year in Huizhou anyway. So that's the scene, sunny mostly warm weather hahahaaaaaaa NEXT! School what a place! Everyone is really nice to me there, so I am always happy to go to work. Being nice doesn’t always get the job done though and I have to get angry at someone! I like all the Chinese teachers very much. There is Crystal (a different crystal) who is going to become head of teaching soon and she is the nicest. She gives me Chinese lessons, not great lessons, but she still tries to help. Maybe it’s the name I have a soft spot for but I can’t say many bad things about her. Nancy is cool, lots of fun and lots of energy and really good English maybe just a little mental. AND little Nina, she is short and very pretty. Cute, cute, cute. I spend a lot of time talking to these girls at work. When another foreigner comes I am always scared they will leave me for the new foreigner but it hasn’t happened yet! I have 2-3 demo classes a week. Where kids and parents come to get a sample of what being in our school is like, for free. Not a lot of students sign because our school is stupidly expensive but I have been doing my best in these classes because I get extra money if a student joins the school because of me. Last month 20 students joined the school and I was told 7 were from my demo classes which I was chuffed about, although I am sure I am being short changed as the other foreign teachers hardly signed anyone. Our schools biggest problem is its atrocious administration. . I have been getting on better with my kids too. I haven’t seen tears in weeks! In class anyway. However a week ago I was chasing a student after class and she slipped on a toy block and started crying, 5 minutes later it was my fault so she throws something big and plastic at my face hitting me in the lip from almost point blank (I didn’t believe she would do it). Her mother was the whitest Chinese woman I have ever seen! It cut my lip, so her mother forced her (and me) to stay for another 20 minutes until she apologised. I got a free calendar from her yesterday, WIN! But classes are going better too. I have changed my teaching to fit better with the school requirements though and so I have sacrificed my style to produce better results. They can read the story much better than last month but there are a lot of mistakes in the story making it tough to teach clearly. In a few more months I will have it down I reckon! I have been told my classes can be tough for students because although I play games it is always related to the material and so can be a bit less fun or some shit, I was told I should play a game or 2 totally unrelated to get them brimming with energy and all that bollocks again. This annoyed me! I am not good at accepting advice I know but I will do my best to try this stupid but possibly good idea. What is wrong with lots of fun course oriented games? Grrrrrrrrrr. Because our school signed so many students last month (because of ME ) I was invited out for a free lunch, the only foreigner invited!!! We went to this all you can eat restaurant. IT HAD ITS OWN BUFFET MAP! What does this tell you? WHAT? It was massive and had every conceivable type of Chinese food as well as food from other parts of the world. There was a special booth or 12, 1 for sharks fin…Did I mention free alcohol? Free pour beer, champagne and cocktails! We started our meal at 11 30am. Cracked into the booze from the start and was pretty much drinking alone for our 3 hour lunch. There was a foreign guy singing and playing the piano for an hour or two and he was excellent, oh and also a vodka bar/room. One of those freezing cold ones filled with ice. It was small but cool…get it? COOL! Oh I’m hilarious. Is drinking vodka in the cold better? Does it get you more drunk? I will ask Google later. The food was great too. I had all sorts in-between my drinks. After lunch they wanted to go for a walk, I wanted a lie down, bastards. But this did lead to us playing some snooker. I played 4 games against my boss Tim. It was great to play some snooker again. I made some pretty good shots and the games were close but very luckily I managed to beat Tim 4-0! Although I could easily have lost every game as well I still hope I can play him again sometime. Tomorrow is our schools ‘Christmas day’. We are having 20 families come to the school for：A PowerPoint presentation on Christmas (made and presented by me), Christmas carols (taught by yours truly), arts and crafts overseen by me and me being Santa. Wouldn’t it be funny if I just didn’t show up? Then in the afternoon something no one has told me anything about. AND that is everything school related covered！ My part time work has been going well but it is tiring and I have decided I want to give it up at the end of this semester. I am just scared to call the boss as he is a nice guy and made some promises but it is only a part time job. So I will have more free time to exercise and to learn Chinese! Ooooooor watch movies. The dog catcher reference at the very start is about a few nights ago. I just got off the lift and was walking down the corridor to my door and heard this clink...clink...clink behind me. Too scared to turn around I just walked to my door and risked a sneak peak down the corridor then. There was a security guard with a carbon copy of a cartoon dog catching net who had followed me, knocking his net off the ground as he walked. He asked me if I had seen a small wild dog, I hadn't. I felt bad for the little dog that was most likely going to get cooked by this man. But maybe you are impressed i understood what he said in Chinese? I know Iwas! I am now 25! My birthday was a quiet one at home, just cake and…..flowers from Crystal. I just went home and drunk some beer and the wife came home with roses. It made me laugh which didn’t go down well. The cake was nice and the present! I have forgotten, I just asked Crystal and she has forgotten too hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa excellent. I got something and I am sure it was nice anyway. I REMEMBER it was a new razor AND a plant! I love them! Just after getting paid I went to Huizhou and had a few shandys with my friends there. I spent a stupid amount of money but I had a great 3 days so it was almost worth it. Let me tell you more. The first evening was movies and beer with my friend Jam. The next afternoon I had a big lunch with people from my last job. It was really nice to see them and catch up. I also met the new foreign teacher at my last school which arrived the night before. That evening we all got very pissed as well. Crystal tried to take me back to my friend’s house but I forgot how to get there so she tried taking me to a hotel. I decided on a mid street nap whilst crystal was asking if I was allowed to stay in the hotel and later I fell asleep IN the toilet (NOT ON the toilet as it was not a western toilet) locking crystal out of the bedroom. GOOD TIMES! I apologised a lot in the morning and eventually everything was good! I bought us some breakfast and we were going to go home but decided to stay for another night! I was a good boy after that just watching movies and having 1 beer... The morning we were leaving I got to the bus stop at 9am not feeling very well (no idea why!)to find an under bridge martial arts street fighting type event. Men in their mid 40’s having what looked like a totally unorganised and unsanctioned bout. We were in the centre of the town outside the busiest bus station in Huizhou. I saw 2 sets of men taking off suit jackets and ties and start fighting: punching, headlocks and scrapping on the ground. There were scores of motorbike / taxi drivers cheering them on with real gusto. Then another pair did the same thing. What a way for anyone to start a Wednesday morning. I have joined the gym upstairs from my school and am running a few times a week so hopefully I can lose some weight at the start of next year. It has hardly changed since I came back so I will do my best. Running before work but after seeing one of their ‘professionals’ I hope I can start to lift some weights too. Christmas! Current events! Huzza. So it is a very low spirited go at it this year. No real decorations and no big Christmas activities! I do have Christmas day off this year though so I will be getting drunk from pretty early in the day. I am having hotpot for lunch with Crystal’s sisters and brother. It should be delicious because they are all hotpot professionals and enthusiasts. After that, Skype with the family! Then at 11am on Boxing Day I have a gym training type gig. I forgot it was Boxing Day…shit. I am going to be so hung over every aching stomach crunch is going to be accompanied by a shower of vomit and every lifted weight will be joined by feminine pleas for mercy. Or maybe I just won’t drink that much. As for New Year a quiet one in the house getting blasted with the wife is on the cards. My Huizhou friends don’t have any big plans either. BUT I think this year is going to be a big year so maybe a slow start is a good idea. It turns out I will not be going to Crystals home town to meet her family this spring festival as her mother doesn’t want to meet me. She honest to god is still trying to convince Crystal to move home and marry a local businessman. I have nothing more to say on this subject. To leave on a good note Crystal bought some biscuits as presents and has decided not to give them away and so now I can eat them! Pre dinner and after dinner snack sorted! Love to all my family and friends and anyone who stumbled upon this. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Love Sam.

Bring back the cane!

samvanneilson — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:35:00 GMT

It has been a whole month! Wow. A lot has happened and that is one of the reasons this blog hasn’t been written until now. I am just busy and it feels like all the time, even so it isn’t ‘exhausting busy’ it’s ‘good busy’ is there such a thing? I wonder!

So, school! It has been good and bad and I think I am finally getting used to it. Working with young children can be really challenging but the reward is much higher I think. They drive you insane by not understanding after 30 minutes and by forgetting absolutely everything you taught them in the lesson previous so it seems like I am teaching the same lesson over and over 《breath》. BUT it can also be great when one of them comes out and says exactly what you want with good pronunciation and showing great understanding. What a battle every lesson. The behavior changes so quickly, they go from excited to upset in seconds, it’s unbelievable. AND the temper tantrums oh my god, I always thought it was lack of discipline or something done wrong by someone but sometimes no matter what I do it just comes on. What a racket, bring back the cane. One boy went mental because he didn’t get a flashcard the first round of a game, 5 cards, 9 kids and his behaviour was terrible so of course he wasn’t first pick. His mum was angry he wasn’t getting enough attention so I got angry at her and told her lots of blunt things and so she went to speak to the boss. No problems after for me though except I now have to give him more attention…he he heeeeeeeeee not happening. All of this is easily forgiven and forgotten though. AAHHHHHHHH KIDS. My school is in short supply of cute kids. The members of staff here are excellent. They are fun and helpful and always nice to me so I am happy to come to work. I usually come early just to chat and although I still am not getting Chinese lessons I sometimes try to chat with the teachers in Chinese.

I have a part time job on top of my current one now. I work Tuesdays for 2 and half hours and Wednesday and Thursday morning for a couple hours. Tuesday is at another training centre not far away which I alright. Although I am teaching phonics every time which is a little boring. The morning classes are at a BIG kindergarten in the centre of the city. This kindergarten is PIMP. Roller skating rinks, massive play areas like with the slides and balls pits and stuff, football pitches, basketball courts, swimming pool, dance studio’s, like ‘fung-shui’ reading rooms and tons more shit its awesome. I teach 4, 30 minute classes to 20 kids a time. They are so well behaved, active and fun. It’s weird how they are sooooo different from my main school. A really good experience and I think I can learn a lot from working there. I actually just found out that my Tuesday jobs pay is rubbish so I am going to give that up soon. As I haven’t even signed a contract yet there shouldn’t be a problem. I will just make up some BS.

So now I work 6 days a week and almost real person full time hours. I hope I will make some good money this year! Got to start saving as the start of my new year in China was tight for money. This month it turns out I have around 250 pounds spare….<cry>. But I can do it!!!

Life: Because I have been working a lot I haven’t been doing all that much. Last Monday I did a lot of fun things with Crystal. OH Halloween I almost forgot!

I celebrated it 3 times! Once with my school, which I planned and presented. I give a 10 minute English presentation <can you imagine the glaze over parents and students eyes? It was awful> and ran the pumpkin bowling for 2 hours on the night which was pretty exhausting but fun.

I also went to a party with my part time school. Only an hour there as it was actually after my normal job but it was tough. I got there and within minutes was walking down a runway doing a dance in front on 400 men, women and children. You know what the Chinese are like with cameras to so at the end of that 1 minute dance I was having trouble seeing. I pulled out some serious disco moves and personally though I was awesome but am probably the only one. I was supposed to be juggling in the show but time did not permit it which was fine by me. More stories games and candy giving later the end had come. We did some trick or treating and this school taught that if they didn’t get candy when saying ‘trick or treat’ it was ok to throw a hand full of flour at the person they asked. All the kids had flour and I had no candy. I was blinded in seconds and continually pelted with flour for the next 5 minutes. I couldn’t escape or attack them (damn kids being so small and kid like) so I just got floured in the middle of the hall. I was so white and there was flour everywhere with nowhere to wash any of it off so I got the bus home looking like the recently deceased, covered in flour. It made me laugh on the bus because no one came near me. They got on stopped in shock and just walked to the other end of the bus. HAHAHA good times.

The third celebration was back in my first city with my friends there. We went to the club my friend Jam worked in and it was free drinks all night!!! OHHHHHH MAAAAAAAAN did I drink a lot of beer. Jam spoke to some guy one minute, went to DJ the next and then 30 cans of beer came in a box that looked like the blue can recycling ones back home. I felt a little embarrassed to get so much free but then I didn’t feel much afterwards because I was drunk. I met the guy who took my job at my last school and he was pretty cool, went out dressed as a woman and the Chinese loved. He got billions of photos taken of him. I should have dressed up!

I also went back to Huizhou this weekend to see Jam because he has gotten some job offers pretty far away so I don’t think I will see him again but who knows. We just hung out and shot the shit. We did go to a club on the second night, a new one near my old school. We walked in and it was pretty cool and big BUT it had seven other people there so after 1 minute of looking around we walked back out. One of our group was drunk and it took 30 minutes to convince him he wasn’t too drunk to come in. Oh well. We then went to the most popular and busy club and had a great time! Some long island ice teas and a couple hours of dancing. Then some ‘pork soup’ which was had been raved about all night. And it was good. Got back to Jams at 4am and got the bus back to Guangzhou at 6am. Home at 9 30am and straight to bed. Up for work at 3pm feeling zombie-tastic but pulled through and here I am the next day.

Crystal has been cooking more these lunch times which is great because she has mad skills and it’s always healthy. Good work Crystal! She invited me back to her home town to meet her parents this spring festival and I said yes. So there is something I am absolutely not looking forward to. I might just ‘accidentally’ start a fight the day before in which she then doesn’t want me to come home. So because I said yes to visiting her family she has promised to Skype chat to anyone in mine! Does anyone want to chat to her, any questions? I hope someone replies to this otherwise maybe she will be sad no one wants to speak to her!!! Crystal is also working hard now more classes than any other teacher but for only a little more money, better than nothing I guess!

Alright I can’t think of anything else I want to say right now. I saw a man selling tiny puppies out a shopping basket at the metro station exit yesterday and now I want a puppy, If only to save it from becoming someone’s lunch. JOKING!!!

No more big events or outings or anything planned until my birthday so that will probably be the next time I blog. I look forward to these calmer weeks ahead but who knows it if will go as planned. Thanks for emailing me too Ludo it was great to hear from you, the lazy bitch says “hahaha, hello”!

Love to everyone everywhere. Time to do some work…..bye bye J

Crystal called a little boy in a push chair 'a lazy bitch'

samvanneilson — Tue, 8 Nov 2011 14:44:00 GMT

Yesterday Crystal and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary, my 1^st one ever! I thought I would write a bit about it because it was a good day and because I am still writing my main blog but it is taking aaaaages because of lots of different being lazy reasons.

In the morning a brisk 8 30a.m. start and some congratulating each other on a job well done getting this far. However unknown to me Crystal woke up at 7 and hid a few small presents around the flat. You see we have so little money right now I thought if I just took crystal out for a nice day some good food and fun it would be ok but no she bought and hid 3 presents for me to find. This made me feel like a dick for not doing anything like this. I plodded about feeling a bit sheepish to eventually find: a nice watch, some ‘dove’ chocolate (is it short for ‘Do you love me’? that's what Crystal told me) and a 1 yuan note folded into an awesome origami heart. She taught me how to make it so I look forward to showing off my skills at a later date.

The plan was: a really nice lunch at this Thai restaurant, some walking, some cinema-ing and then a night boat on the river. We actually went to a mountain which took all day and made it on the night boat but the crap one because of all the hurry and confusion. Still an awesome day,

Bai yun shan (white cloud mountain) is fairly near the city and although heavily man made, a really good natural feeling place. Busy, even on a Monday afternoon, but excellent weather. We walked for maybe 30 minutes until we came to a fork in the road, one way promising a nice big old ass temple the other just continuing up the hill. If we went to the temple we would still have to come back to the fork to go back up the hill but Crystal didn’t want to go to the temple because it meant more walking...I called her a lazy bitch. Then we saw a little boy maybe 4 or 5 in a push chair being pushed down this long steep hill and Crystal decided to call him ‘a lazy bitch’…it was priceless. Serves you right little boy!!! Half way up the mountain there was a bungee spot for only 15 pounds which I am definitely doing in the future. At the very top there was some amazing views of the city. It made HK look smaaaaaaaaall. There was a military radar tower/dome thing at the top which was pretty cool too. The summit of this mountain has a bell you can hit a certain amount of times to wish for specific things, Crystal wished for money I didn’t ask for anything because I am a hard worker!!! Hahaaaaaaaaaaaa anyway. There is also a place where you can lock a padlock which is meant to signify ever lasting strong love. Lots of old padlocks and new ones, it looked ‘lovely’ dum dum tch. On the way down there was a honey bee area where you could get lots of honey related products whilst a shit load of bees buzzing about and as many ants looking for the good stuff. We had some of the best biscuits ever (sorry Jim!), we literally saw him take them out the oven and Crystal asked for the ones he just made mmmmmmmmmmmm. Being a tourist we bought some honey too even though we hardly ever eat it. The same bees had lots of different kinds because the staff grows different flowers in different seasons for the bees to do their thing. I like honey bees they seem friendly. It took us around 5 hours to get up, down and around the mountain and my legs were killing me by the end of it. Maybe they were tired because on 4 separate occasions I gave Crystal piggybacks, 2 of these piggy backs were UP the hill…It was a tough hill walk. It made others laugh and even do the same thing which was fun. We got lost at the bottom but made it home for 7. A lightning change and we were ready for the boat.

Me in my finest blue and orange shirt…Crystal in a beautiful dress. We took the very busy public bus to the harbor…how romantic. Got there at 8:05 but the 8 boat hadn’t left. I wanted the deluxe boat with a meal, we got the tourist boat and a snack. Really good seats and weather though so it was still really nice. After the boat it was 11 so we went to a busy street regardless of it being day or night that has lots of restaurants and ate we proceeded to a ton. That day we only rice soup before the mountain and some chocolates at 7 so I think a big meal at 11 is ok. Straight to sleep when we get home because both our legs were on the verge of shutting down.

Today back to work! <cry> Thank you for reading about this day it made me happy to do and happy　to write about. I didn’t take a lot of photos because the camera battery ran out in 10 minutes, sorry.

Is anyone else celebrating important events that as a good friend I should be giving congratulations but as I am a bad friend I am forgetting? Let me know！！！ Really, please do.

The other blog will be up one day and it will be a monster．Not a lot has happened but I have plenty to say about it. I am really sorry to Mum and Dad for not being on Skype a lot. The timing is just bad and there are other circumstances: crap computers, bad intrenet, no computer, extra job. I do want to speak to you! Hopefully soon!!!

Love you all, Sam xxx

Nice to meet you.....to meet you nice!

samvanneilson — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 17:20:00 GMT

Welcome to the new AND updated blog. The KEY between C and B doesn’t work on this keyboard so any word with it will mean it is missing but there aren’t that many words with it in it anyway…except improved, have, very… this is going to be tough to read SORRY!

p.s. I moved the file to a new computer searched all the _ and changed them to v so I hope it is easier to read but I am not changing the story now!

So I flew from Aberdeen to Paris at 6 am and only made the flight by 8 minutes, which for me is not a lot of time, because a family of 5 were at the counter for 45 minutes and everyone (IT TYPED the letter but won’t again!!! CRY.) had to wait. Anyway a cheeky croissant later I was Charles de Gaulle (thinks that right). There were free PS3’s you could watch clips or play demos on and of course I obliged. HOWEVER so did a maybe 5 year old American boy. WELL I have never been so worried of criminal charges as that. Let me explain. I was playing a game and the small comes over and tries to climb onto this chair too high for him, after seeing me he says “My mummy told me not to talk to strangers” WELL what do you say? NOTHING. I ignored him, and rightly so I think!!! SO he then asked me “Guess what my name is?” OH SHIT I thought. I must of had the biggest oh my god face ever. Here I was, a little boy striking up a conversation with a me, single adult man in an airport AFTER telling me he shouldn’t. I was almost sure SWAT or some special task force was just waiting behind a wall somewhere hoping for the worst with the child actor BUT it seems he was just bored. I talked to him eventually after him asking me lots of questions. He kept asking for help with his game and talking to me about games. I wasn’t sure if running away was a good idea or not so I stayed for maybe 2 minutes and then as I was about to leave his mother comes over and checks me out. I explain exactly what happened and who I was in the first breath and she thought it was hilarious. This kid was insane and I was crying with laughter after some of the things he said to his mum about how excellent he was at games and every where he had been “I have been to China twice” and his mum is like “Oh really? When was that? I haven’t been to China.” Boy “You don’t remember those two times? Well I have been” so sure of his lie. He said a lot of other stupid stuff like that, maybe it was his accent or my nerves but it was ery funny. He talked to me about travel, games, pets. No matter how I look at it or try and explain it I always look like a villainous paedophile. I AM NOT. I did run away as his mum decided to leave him next to me to play more games because I couldn’t take….it… the guilt, the true fear? I don’t know the word describe such a horrible feeling. But I got my flight to HK all right. Next two gassy European men who needed a few too many toilet breaks for my liking (I had the aisle seat). I watched 4 movies and got a little sleep. Midnight in Paris with Owen Wilson was excellent! I wish I knew more about writers and their history after that film but I still haven’t gotten internet to do the research. Landed and made my way to my friend Grahams. After getting lost a few times I found his street but couldn’t find his number. It was 122 and I walked past a 122 however this door looked so old and was so small with such steep stairs I guaranteed he couldn’t live there. Alas turned out he did, on the 9^th floor, with no lift, and a 20Kg bag…thanks mum. 2 1/2 heart attacks later a resolved not to let others choose my suitcases contents or go to his house again. That night we got boozed up. We watched the scheme and I translated for him and he couldn’t believe it was the same language. I couldn’t believe I understood it either though. They are pretty broad. We then watched what Graham told me was the worst film ever made ‘Troll 2’ and we decided to drink when we laughed. I woke up late for meeting Crystal with just a tad of a hangover. I zoomed to the train station and made it 5 minutes before Crystal. Downed some water and put on a smile. It was really fantastic to see her again but it was weird. I feel so stupid for drinking so much but tried to shrug it off. We walked and talked as I strategically took her to the peak entrance and asked her what she wanted to do. At the top of the peak we ate our first meals of the day and took a few photos. It was a nice day and she was amazed at all the foreigners. We then went to ‘Temple street’ for some shopping, arrived to early to find them setting up. Decided on another attraction far away recommended to us and it wasn’t where was billed. After all this walking I had the John Wayne down and I got more stares that in mainland China. So what did we do? Go for a shop and a walk on the ‘Ladies Market’ which is a massive street of stalls that sell everything you don’t need. We bought some rubbish (e.g. a banana USB which is rubbish but also AWESOME) and then had some dinner. Back to Grahams for some much needed sitting. Had some chat with Graham as Crystal hadn’t seen him yet and then bed. ZZZZZZZZZZZ 8 30 it is and off we are to see the giant Buddha. He is not a small chap. Snap Snap Snap goes the camera and a merry time was had. There seemed to be a bubble theme so there were lots of machines pumping out thousands of bubbles a minutes which did look pretty god damn cool too. After that home to pack and head to China. We were supposed to be there by 7 o clock for dinner with the boss. On route a text explaining it was all off but our hotel was booked. A bit of a F U because we had hurried but I guess a free evening. However the flat we had chosen and paid to book was then rent to another, so fucking stupid!!! WHY DID WE PAY A DEPOSIT AND TELL THEM WE ARE MOVING IN TOMORROW AND THEY STILL RENT IT TO SOMEONE ELSE!!!!! I went a little mental….We arrived in Guangzhou at around 9 and immediately went to view 2 flats. The next day we viewed 3 and the day after that another 4, ultimately choosing the last one we saw. This was a real experience. We saw all but the last one with the same women form the same company. We even chose the second flat we saw at 2500 RMB a month. We went on the 2^nd night to sign the papers and there was magically a 100 RMB a month added on for no reason except the girl got the price wrong. Some shouting by Crystal later we went for a walk saw another house in the same building 1 floor above the one we liked and took it. So all the other companies hard work was for nothing. GOOD. It was a bit bad of us though because apparently it was the girls second week on the job, we were her first customer to ask to buy a flat with her and then she messes up and we shout. Crystal and her got on really well so Crystal was a little sad (tear) after shouting at the girl and her boss and we later found out the new girl cried a lot about it after we left. So some guy who was there as well asked Crystal to call her and tell her some good things because she was new. My first reaction was %^&&*%& OFF but I did feel bad for her. Wouldn’t you? She was a nice girl but it just seemed like we had been tricked and neither of us trusted them after that. We now live in a flat on the 10^th floor. It is a colourful building a bit old but close to everything we need. Only 10 minutes to my school and 40 to Crystals (she chose this location!!!! And it saves her 20 more minutes which she travelled from her sisters.)It has 2 floors but is one big room. Take a look. It is nice I think with just a few small problem which we can sort out. We moved in the day after seeing it (seen at 9pm, signed the lease at 10pm the owner came out at that time to do it too) got the keys at 8pm the next day (because of school but we will get there). Moved in the day after and everything was unpacked in 2 hours, Crystal was a machine whilst I, as you guessed, played with everything I saw: coat racks, string, lucky money cats and a Christmas tree were just some of the things. However I did some work like cleaning and unpacked a few boxes which Crystal swiftly re organised. This didn’t please me but I wasn’t doing it right apparently so continued to be annoying. Not like me I know. We now jus need a screw for the water machine and the internet. OH sweet internet how I miss you so, 4 days and counting!!!

Now we get onto work, the penultimate part of this essay. It is in maybe the best location ever. Directly across form the front door is a piano training centre so I get to her some really nice music sometimes and I want to learn the piano from a pro so maybe I will get a kid to teach me one day. Next to the (all on the second floor of the same building) is a ping pong centre. O M G .SAWEEEEEEEEEET. I saw maybe 4 year old boy playing well enough to beat me tonight so I will challenge him. AND the floor above is a massive empty gym. BIG weights room with no one there, big machines room with no one there, a swimming pool on the roof (shallow but still on the freaking ROOF). I can’t afford it now but when I can I will buy a membership. So I think I will be a buff, ping pong, piano master by the end of the year...watch this space ladies! I started on Sunday to my own disbelief. Saturday I went through the mill getting all sorts of insanely organised and quick tests. I love being tested it seems because I didn’t want it to end. Blood, eye, ultrasound, x ray, more blood, weight (crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry), height, some weird cramp on thingies, pee. All in around 10 minutes. I wanted to go again but only 1 test for me. Onto some serious sitting about a police office and then back to the school I was originally going to be working in to sit…that's right they had nothing for me to do but sit. They said Crystal and I could go early for flat hunting and we did. The next day was my first day at MY school, Sunday. There were no classes until the Tuesday because of some Chinese national holidays and the person responsible for training me was busy so I sat on an arse breaking chair in a room alone for almost 9 hours. I got to look at the computer software they used and later was told to write down the mistakes I found. The program was and still is riddles with amazingly obvious and stupid errors. Spelling, grammar, even the native English speaker was a spaz. She said Choir, as in a group of people who sing as “Chore” as in to do housework. Well I fill the paper given with every mistake, incorrect timing or anything I didn’t like. Not such a happy Chinese teacher got the list for just 3 of the sections and pretty much just shrugged it off. Oh sweet hatred, do not ask me to hit girls. Anyway Sunday at work was horrible. Monday was a day off and Tuesday was not much better. I got there at 2 and sat alone until 5 09 when a foreign teacher showed up to teach his 5 10 class. He hadn’t been there in a while and I could tell. Not knocking other teachers skills but….wow. He seems to like kids and got on well with them but seemed fed up and didn’t know half of their names it seemed. So I assumed he hadn’t taught them before his response “yes a lot”…cough. He is Columbian has been here 6 years and has taught for 3. I watched 2 of his classes which was plenty enough for me anyway. That takes us too today!! My first class. Started at 2, meeting at 3 class at 6 30. Met the other foreign teacher, Craig who on first impressions seems to hate everything except for golf, so of course he is a cool guy. Only been in China for 7 weeks so a little green to think everything is shit but I guess China isn’t for everyone. Unfortunately we are now a team got cornered by the boss and are now organising the entire Halloween evening that is planned, balls balls balls. 3^rd day on the job! What are the chances ah? Not an organised school in the slightest, no time table until today I wasn’t even given training in their software or told that I was allowed take 30 minutes to go get dinner when I was free so I went hungry the second day at work. ANWAY, the school is nice and the teachers are nice but just not organised or professional at all. Not that I am…toot toot goes my ‘im awesome’ horn. I was supposed to have the baby class (2 years old) at 4 30 but it seems it is off until next week (PHEW). I planned my own lesson which apparently I don’t need to do. The boss said she was going to watch so I was pretty nervous and the assistant showed up 10 minutes before class with her own plan. I sorted her right out and started the class. 2 massively spoilt brats and a champ called ‘Bostar’. It was 1 hour 30 minutes of madness. Got what I wanted done and the assistant thought I was good so maybe I can keep the lie up a little longer. The big boss did not come in and watch the class. After that home to write this, what has turned out to be, monster blog. Good luck making it to the end. Tomorrow same class different students and another teachers class who is can’t make it. Ever teacher couldn’t believe how much I sweat but it is worth it if the kids like me moving about I think.

So I have met Crystals 1^st sister. I was a little scared and from lots of over thinking and what Crystal had and hadn’t said I surmised that she was a serious, controlling monster. I was wrong, of course, she was friendly and even nice. These nice things I say are a guess as I don’t understand anything she says because Crystals family speak all speak Hakka which is nothing like Mandarin. I actually met her again on Crystals 2^nd sisters birthday. I met her oldest, younger brother too! He was alright, again full of the Hakka. Click click, sup sup, pop pip, throat sound like a failed sneeze cough. So for Crystals 2^nd sisters birthday we went to a Italianish place and had some chow. Crystal and I showed up 40 minutes late after getting extremely lost. Our bus stopped 5 minutes form the place we were meeting but we ended up miles away. No idea how, I blame Crystal. Anyway so at this shindig all of Crystals family were speaking Hakka. The 2^nd sister had a boy there who was maybe a friend but neither of us seemed to understand anything they said. I asked them to change to Mandarin for both our benefits and they did, well, they kept speaking to me in Mandarin and I still couldn’t understand anything her family so I was sorry I asked. Must study harder.

And that is all she wrote. Today we are off to find a water company to sell us big bottles of water on demand and see a man about an internet dog. Will keep you posted.

Keep on trucking?

Love Sam xxx

!! PIG HAMMER !!

samvanneilson — Mon, 30 May 2011 15:34:00 GMT

Hello,

So since we last spoke not a whole lot has actually been happening with me. I have not stopped seeing amazing and cool things so different from what I am used to but I forget them quickly which isn’t bad because I can enjoy it again next time!!! However here are some of the things I do remember. Good luck…

I will start with school as apposed to finishing with it. School is going fantastically well. I love it, sure after 2 days off my attitude is a little “I don’t wanna” but when I get there its good. Although I do have 2 tough classes. My now level 3 class is so young that sometimes I just can’t keep them behaving no matter how much I move or play games. But my worst class by miles is L5C there are 9 of them and more than half of them just don’t want to be there or learn or try or behave. You might be thinking it’s something I am doing wrong however in every other class my kids are 100 times better, the kids at least learn. I just can’t be bothered with them so I go in teach and if they don’t listen I don’t care too much. It sucks but I think about the rest and I know I can’t be doing too much wrong. I was teaching love really like hate etc to a class and one of them told me he really likes me and another told me he loved me, I think it’s cause I let him play angry birds though…still counts.

The school plays a sport every Wednesday and the Chinese teachers are forced to go. They tend to avoid me at badminton because I attempt to make them move their feet so that sucks but we went swimming recently which I haven’t done in a long time. Amazing not one of the Chinese teachers could swim. 10 adult women in rubber rings in the U.K. would be a sight but it seemed normal as there was a lesson for others adults on when we went and they were all wearing rings too. I hope to help Crystal to learn to swim but I don’t know if I would be a good swimming teacher because it seems once you know how to swim you forget how it could be difficult to learn.

I have started to look for new jobs now but pretty slowly. Just a peek every few days. I will get more serious in June I think because although there tons of jobs getting the right one in the right place can be a little tougher. I have been offered some jobs outside this province but I want to stay here and see how it goes with Crystal. Hoping for some more money to pay off a little debt to banks and parents, I earn 6000 but my friends work less by a lot with longer holidays and get 12000 so I know I can go up and up!

I have agreed to do a special class this coming Tuesday at a public school. It will be to about 50 – 60 students around 17 or 18 but their English is at quite a low level for that age. I got to choose the topic so because I am sooooo original I chose the U.K. and U.K. occasions. Thinking now I would love to have done superheroes or Chinese U.K. comparisons. But I am nervous because the most people I have taught before is 11. Please wish me luck JL

Enough about school! It’s time for the random stuff; this is a note that there is no order to these events. I just wrote down what I remembered and am using those notes to write this.

MOVIES! I have been to the cinema to see a few of the newer films out, I love the cinema. A lot cheaper here but obviously not the same availability as in the U.K. So saw Thor and it was better than I thought it would be but I have never been a big super hero movie lover so I didn’t think it was amazing. I saw Pirates 4 too and hated it. I just thought it looked crap and the story and pace and jokes blaaah anyway. Stupidly I really liked Fast and Furious 5 but maybe the other people in the cinema might have helped there. I saw it in Guangzhou and the cinema was biiiiiig and about half full. And everyone bar me responded so loudly: crazy laughter, gasping, sighs, cringes and everything you could imagine but 200 people doing it. That was the funniest part for me really surreal. I saw Kung Fu Panda 2 yesterday and although I missed the start I thought it was pretty good, not as funny as the first but the animation looked great. I hope they make another but maybe more light hearted. After the movie there was a man selling inflatable pig head hammers that were so cash I had to buy one. So cash…oh Sam. They were awesome so I made Crystal buy me one and then I beat her with it. True story. He is looking at me right now <3 u piiiig. A film coming out here soon is Skyline which came out a few years ago in the U.K. didn’t it? Thought it was weird poor china is going to get that terrible movie.

The day before yesterday we went and painted a money pig which is getting glazed as we speak. It was great fun drawing and painting it and I hope it turns out well. I drew like a blue sky, big sun and fence and grass and a tree with apples. Crystal painted her half a big pink…mess…I’m sorry crystal. I am sure more isn’t any good either but it was fun. Really nerve racking at some points because it was a Saturday evening and next to the arcade and people kept coming and standing next to and behind us as we painted. 8 people were watching me slaughter the pig at one point other people painting anything weren’t getting a quarter of the audience but were doing much better drawings and painting. I felt I had to REPRESENT! We shall see if I did.

The place I painted my pig was called HuaMao it is a completely new shopping centre that opened up near mine. It is massive and awesome. There is a cinema and all sorts of hot pot western and Korean places with tons of shops of course and an arcade. Other shopping centres already have these things but this one is well close so it’s better.

I completed my first 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle a few months ago. It is of an anime and you can see a photo online somewhere. I took me an age but I got it done. So happy with that.

One of my friends who I met when I first moved here, on the first day actually has moved away. He was a pretty cool guy and we did some serious partying so I miss that a bit. I do my best but he knew a loooot of people so I saw and did a lot of things hanging around with him.

I will not be making anymore videos as the last one was an unmitigated disaster 10 views…never again. Writing it is.

I have been getting back into darts in a big way playing a few times every week now. My friend Graham is who I always play with and he has improved so much so fast that the games are really good now. I for a while now been trying to beat him by finishing with the bull and recently did it which was awesome because we have played so many games and I always call it and go for it but never got it but now mwhahaha I don’t have to go for bull to finish anymore! So happy. But ye, looking forward to some darts when I come home. If you are reading this and play GET READY.

I recently went on a trip to Guangzhou the massive city near by for Crystal’s exam. Oh ye Crystal had an exam for a tour guide license because she wanted to be a tour guide for a while. It means cheap entry to attractions all over China which is pretty cool too. Anyway it was fun and she feels pretty confident so I hope she does well. We ate some nice food did some shopping and then went to the cinema as previously mentioned.

EXERCISE. I am sure mum is most keen to see if I am still round like a big old tree. Well yes I am but I have started to work on it. I am trying to do some everyday I have a plan and everything. July is going to be the time I seriously try to get some weight off because all my friends will have gone home so all I will have is me and the road! Game on.

The last thing I have to talk about is my trip to Red Flower Reservoir (RFR). I just found out I didn’t know how to spell reservoir, damn it Sam learn English bettterer. So this is a massive R on the edge of Huizhou which not surprising is surrounded by red flowers. It is beautiful, my photos couldn’t do it justice. It took around 3 hours to get round with stops and messing about. The weather was amazing and it was nice to be out seeing such beautiful sites. I had a good time with Crystal. It is really well taken care of, the water is clean and clear, the road around is smooth and interesting to follow. Just an all round great time. I went here with Chris when he visited and we missed out. Sorry brother I will make it up to you but we didn’t have enough beer for that bike ride so maybe it’s ok. This really should be a must do for Huizhou visitors.

Anyway I think that is everything up until the close future! Hope you enjoyed it sorry about it taking so long but as you can see I spent a lot of time talking about nothing.

Take care, Sam x

photo's up! story coming at some point this month for sure!

samvanneilson — Wed, 4 May 2011 15:56:00 GMT

long title! photos look if you have a second:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/samvanneilson/

also i will put some text here explaining my recent activites. not being doing much but im sure someone cares somewhere!

The appeal

samvanneilson — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 13:51:00 GMT

Hello everyone who reads this.

This isn't my usual blog post. Here i am asking something from you. What is that? its your voice. I have had what feels like an original thought (although i'm sure it isn't) and want to do something with it. What i would like is:

Each and every one of you to record you saying 1 letter of the alphabet. Try to make it over a second but less than 2. It can be the first letter of your name, i would like that.

DO NOT say it in capital form.

It can be a video OR a sound clip.

e.g. 's': start making the sounds before you start the camera and then start recording. Record for just over a second and then stop all the while continuing the 's' sound.

sssssssssss<start camera>sssssssssssssssssss<end camera>sssssss.

My email address is murdos23@hotmail.com

And just because you are older and think this DOESN'T apply to you think again. Mum, Dad, Kate, Zub (you are young) BETH even if she doesn't read this i want a letter from her = b!!!

HOT OFF THE PRESS

samvanneilson — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 15:51:00 GMT

Everyone i want to share my love for this world. My hard drive is FIXED! i have all my documents pictures and school work back, not to mention my movies! SO HAPPY. also i had an excellent lunch with my girlfriend after and bought a wheely chair which is awesome and i am sitting in it right now.

Also wierd side note. The Chinese people put tomato in all fruit dishes because technically its a fruit and it has become a bit of a bother. Birthday cake? tomato on top, ice cream and fruit combo, tomato in the mix. It is so freaky deaky. Dear China please stop this madness, love Sam.

watch this or die

samvanneilson — Wed, 6 Apr 2011 17:04:00 GMT

here is a link to youtube. here you will see me talking into a camera for a lengthy time.

Womens day.

Tina's wedding

Crystals birthday

School

Life

My first and only take. lots of mistakes and a little swearing. if it doesn't make sense i'm sorry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBC2mtgQxcs

V Day and T Day!

samvanneilson — Wed, 2 Mar 2011 23:46:00 GMT

So Valentines Day was great! My first one with an actually girlfriend I could see and everything! It was pretty cool. We went to this cake place and made a cake. Crystal made her first cake and it was good! No one has an oven so this place gives the option to make it for you or let you make! We had to work after so we just a nice lunch and then worked but it was nice. Flowers and chocolate too just to make sure I am the cheesy king. But she loves that kind of think so it went down really well. The Chinese celebrate Valentines Day but also Chinese Valentines Day which is like 3 days later. They like celebrating!

Nothing big is happening in my life. I am slowly learning some Chinese but it’s not an easy thing to do. No getting much chance to do sport but I am back running again. Tiring stuff but hopefully I can lose some weight. One of co workers got up the duff and is having a wedding very quickly! I am invited so that should be interesting. Crystal was asked to be the bridesmaid which I thought at first was a great thing BUT the Chinese are not as nice as they seem. There are 2 requirements for a bridesmaid: shorter than the bride and less beautiful than the bride….This made me angry. The bride is a really good looking girl but I don’t like how she asked my girlfriend. Then a girl from work made fun of it and she is NOT a pretty one I had a mind to tell her she couldn’t get a bridesmaid being the ugliest girl in china. Ohhhhhhhh still makes me angry now! But as the bridesmaid all she really has to do is follow Tina about and drink for her when people cheer the bride! This job in the U.K. a dream job but in China when you can handle 1 beer is a dangerous one and it’s the same for the groom as well. Anyway enough angry on that subject from me.

School is going well I had a meeting with the boss and she is happy with my work and said she would be very happy if I stayed for another year. We will talk again in April about a new contract. It’s early but they say it's so they can start the recruiting process on time this time. I like the school but I think I will move. Crystal is going to Guangzhou which is a big big city with like 12 million people and quite a large foreign presence. Capital of my current province too. I am not too sure about it though, not such a fan of massive cities for living I think although I have never done so. There is a city close to Shanghai called Hangzhou and it is the same size as Huizhou but is meant to be a really beautiful city. I live in Huizhou which has the #2 West Lake whilst Hangzhou has the #1 west lake. It’s like quite far in the opposite direction though and so I am really torn about it. Maybe harder to get a job their because it isn’t so big and wouldn’t have opportunities and foreigners of Guangzhou, lets not forget Crystal. But Hangzhou seems like a really beautiful, not too big city that isn’t that far away from Shanghai maybe 2 or 3 hours. AHHH I don’t know I am starting to look now to see what’s going on with jobs in China but being lazy so far. Any advice anyone? Speaking to crystal isn’t a great help as she hasn’t been many places and she gets upset when I talk about other places.

Let me know what you guys think!

Also I will b back in the U.K. August sometime for a couple of weeks I hope so I am looking forward to that. It’s my next holiday too so I am pretty excited even though it’s so far away! I plan on going to Edinburgh, Dundee and of course Aberlour because I want to see everyone and recruit more Chinese teachers to join me! PARTY!

Hugs and Kisses: Sam.

P.S. I just learned Chinese chess today and it seems pretty cool so I look forward to getting a chance at playing it in the future! So now I just need to learn to cook Chinese food, do martial arts and speak perfect Chinese. No problem Kate! J

V DAY PHOTOS:

Crystal made the cake and did the writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/samvanneilson/

My Holiday in Pictures!

samvanneilson — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 02:33:00 GMT

Hi everyone. I just had 2 weeks holiday and they were amazing. My brother was over and we did lots of things:

Hong Kong, Shenzhen, Guangzhou and Huizhou (my City). But my brother and i took several hundred snaps. It took a while but i have them all on the net now at my flkr site. I htink they tell the story better than I. Check em out!

Hong Kong: http://www.flickr.com/photos/samvanneilson/sets/72157626018169096/

We went to 'the peak', a few bars, 31st floor restaurant, rooftop bar and a cable car ride to the worlds largest bronze buddha!

Shenzhen: http://www.flickr.com/photos/samvanneilson/sets/72157625893291911/

The window of the world amusement park and around town.

Godzilla VS the world: http://www.flickr.com/photos/samvanneilson/sets/72157626016949278/

Huizhou and a few Guangzhou: http://www.flickr.com/photos/samvanneilson/sets/72157626019570294/

In huizhou we went to a temple, west lake, red flower reservoir, bars, clubs, massages! Plenty done unfortunately not allowed photos in some place :'(

Loufu Mountain: http://www.flickr.com/photos/samvanneilson/sets/72157626017288274/

An amazing day trip out to a beautiful high mountain. Sweaty times!

Love you all. Sam xxx

no alcohol...jesus

samvanneilson — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 13:53:00 GMT

Hi everyone i typed a massive article here talking about everything i have done and will be doing. What seemed like spelling checking away from the end and i have no idea what i pressed but i went of the page and just lost everything. So here are the cliff notes. I hope they are ok because my fist is so close to breaking everything near me.

I have not drunk beer in 26 days and hate it

I have not given up anything this year so i am normal again

I have decided i do not like 3D movies. I have watched lots of movies at home.

I have been to crystals apartment now and it is ok. Nice just to see it though.

Got my friends heater because they are off traveling asia. Getting close to 0 th last few weks so very much required.

Had a day out with school: played badminton and won woohoo! Had a massive lunch which was very nice, then went to one teachers house and learned about mahjong, cant play well but got the jist of it.

Going to HK Maccau and going about Huizhou with family soon, very excited.

Chinese new year is on February 2nd which will be mental because the chinese come out the wood work and party like madmen.

Love Sam.

What is taking me into new year

samvanneilson — Tue, 4 Jan 2011 00:17:00 GMT

So currently we are 4 days into the New Year and already a bad day. Our dog (in the U.K) is sick and something is up with my girlfriend, I am not sure what I just hope I can fix it. Add the shit cold weather and you have my worse day of the year! Bwhahaha cause it is only the fourth day of the year I think it’s funny.

Anyway sorry for the incredibly late blogging update. At least I got it done right? :D

Also my link to my YouTube doesn’t have the videos up yet but I will do soon. Also the pictures on Flkr are there but I have more to add and captions too! Got my work cut out for me tomorrow.

New Years Eve and New Years Day

samvanneilson — Tue, 4 Jan 2011 00:14:00 GMT

Until the actually day I had no idea what I was going to do. Although not China’s main New Year young people still like to party! In the end we had to start at mine (9 30pm) because we were too loud and crazy at Graham and Jules’s house at Christmas and they were told no more parties. It was me, crystal, graham, Jules, Rosanna and 2 of Graham’s co-workers. We played some drinking cards and I admittedly started a little crazy on the booze. For good reason but we will get there. At 11 we went to the club! It was mental, people everywhere. Want to walk go somewhere? Figuratively had to fight people off to get there or get to crawling or crowd surfing. We didn’t find a table but bullied a few people off one. Which repeated it’s self until we ended up with a good table. The place had some amazing performances and was very lively. No space to dance which probably saved me some embarrassment. The place had its own count down so everyone celebrated New Year at the same time which was new! After that is a little blurry but I remember most of it. We drank some more, let around 2 30 and went to get some noodles and came home! Not too badly hung over the next day but a little shaky.

So the next day Crystal and I agreed we hadn’t been anywhere in Huizhou recently so we went to this nice place on West lake. I have been there with Rosanna before but it was nice to go back with Crystal, really beautiful and relaxed. We decided to walk home which took slightly over an hour but I saw some really interesting parts of Huizhou. Anyway from this day I had and have continued a small resolve. Eat better, snack less and no beer until my holidays start. This will hopefully hold true until the 28^th of January but I will let you know how it is going.

Christmas Frakin Day!

samvanneilson — Tue, 4 Jan 2011 00:13:00 GMT

Nothing could have gotten me down this day! I had school at 9 but didn’t get me down. I woke up with by excellent girlfriend (well right now something is up) and gave her present which cost me half my salary. I kept telling her she was getting an umbrella which she did not like at all but seemed pretty happy with her present. I got her a necklace with an actually diamond which was a first for me. So she showed that off to everyone at work and they were jealous because none of them celebrate Christmas really so they don’t exchange presents. Work went very well, I was in high spirits in every class and everyone got some sweets from me and were well behaved too. I got some really nice shoes from Crystal, which I swear and the comfiest shoes I have ever worn. After class I went home and had a cheeky beer. I skyped the family and it was good to view a stocking opening even from China. After that time went on 7 30 and I headed out! Rosanna, Crystal and I went to our friends Graham and Jules’s house who had cooked dinner for us. Their friend Jack and his girlfriend Hoi were also there. We drank a ton and ate a ton too. The food was amazing. They only had 3 hot plates and made a 4 course meal it was fantastic. I honestly don’t have one bad memory of that day which is rare for me. Now you might be joking that I don’t remember too much well you aren’t too wrong but I was teaching at 9am so I didn’t go completely crazy.

We did a different sort of secret Santa at this dinner. Each person bought a present with no one special in mind. Once there we chose which we wanted by the look of the parcel, box or bag. I brought a basketball set which I thought would be fun if only for that night and a rice cooker (because graham said he wanted one and I kinda told him I would bring it). I also bought Crystal present which was a top of the line badminton racket! Not cheap any o it, even in China. So Graham ended up with the correct present and Jack ended up with the racket. Others got weird and wonderful things whilst I got a solitary box of chocolates. I am sure you can imagine my disappointment. Can’t eat chocolate and must have got the cheapest present by a long shot, GUTTED! But in the spirit of it all I don’t mind. It was very funny walking down the street with 2 big wrapped boxes and a wrapped racket. Weather was crap too so we looked even more comical I would imagine.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHH CHRISTMAS I love you.

Christmas Eve

samvanneilson — Tue, 4 Jan 2011 00:12:00 GMT

Not a remarkable day but we did do a work secret santa! Each teacher had 30kwai to spend but I think we all spent a bit. It was an actually secret santa which was amazing but after the opening everyone had to guess who the present was from. It was absurd, every time they did guess it right they would all scream there heads off with excitement, very weird. I got a couple of little puzzle balls which are pretty cool and I got another teacher (Lemon, who is very cool) some candles. They look like apples (wrong fruit I know) but really real apples and she liked them but like all of you are thinking they joked about it being the wrong fruit too.

Shenzhen + The Window of the World

samvanneilson — Tue, 4 Jan 2011 00:09:00 GMT

So on a Tuesday a few weeks ago I went to Shenzhen. Its quickly becoming very big in China. It is where most people cross over from Honk Kong to mainland China. I went there because crystal was going there to see her cousin so I used her to get me where I wanted to go. Looking back it definitely would have been more fun with another person but I still had a good time. I wanted to go to this place called the Window of the world. It is a massive park filled with smaller replicas of some of the most famous sites around the world e.g. the pyramids and the Eiffel tower. I took a photo I think of almost everything. I am crap with the camera which I am sure you will see. I actually too so many photos that I had to start deleting some so I hope I didn’t remove anything good. There was also like a statue garden which had tons of statue replicas like the thinker. Pretty god damn cool. I spent 3 hours wandering about and time went really quickly. The detail was great and the nice weather didn’t hurt either. I went up the miniature Eiffel tower so now I have been up 2 of them woohoo! Bought some lucky beads half way up it! I managed to haggle down the price which surprised me because I am horrible at it. There is a link for the videos and for the photos below!

Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/samvanneilson/

Videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/murdos23

After coming out of there Crystal and I went in search of an iPod repair place and made it to the most enormous technology street it was fucking crazy. On road crossings green men for no more than 5 seconds and maybe 20 meters to travel everyone has to run across the street. There was tons of people, phones and everything technological. Found several cheap places to fix my iPod but they looked a little shady for me so I opted for no fixing. We jumped on the subway to head back to get a bus but Crystal took us miles away to a station that doesn’t go back to Huizhou so maybe another hour later and we were heading home on luckily the last bus. Excellent day, If not a bit lonely at the start and bit crowded at the end!