We've been laying on deck chairs under coconut thatched umbrellas on the beach at Nha Trang for the greater part of two days just chillin' out, slurping Mango Lassi's and looking at the calm turquoise water of Nha Trang Bay. We landed here quite by accident. Desperate to escape Hoi an which we hated and disappointed us immensely and unable to get a flight to where we really wanted to go in the central highlands, and unwilling to face a long bus or train journey anywhere, we decided instead to fly to the one place that would take us....Nha Trang!! We'd been warned about this den of iniquity. We'd been warned about the sleaze, the pickpockets, the grime, the down right sordidness of the place so we didn't expect much. Jen had at one point exclaimed that she'd rather stab herself in the leg with a fork than come here. But here we are. And we actually don't mind it. There is a pleasant enough beach. Coming from Australia we always read reports of wonderful beaches with a certain amount of dubious cynicism. After all we indeed DO have the world’s best beaches, so anything else will be a disappointment. Once you accept that, you're ok! The beach here is probably on a par with Shoal Bay NSW or possibly Hervey Bay in QLD. Better than Redcliffe but only just. The sand is grit (coral I believe) The water is flat. It is quite pretty if you blot out the ugly scar of a Hollywood type sign on a nearby island advertising VINPEARL resort. So completely unnecessary but that’s the Vietnamese way. Anyway as I was saying, you can rent deck chairs on the beach under coconut shade umbrellas for 20000 dong ($1.50) and you can get a waiter to come out and bring you cocktails or beer or food whenever you like. There is even a bamboo bar on the beach. Little Vietnamese ladies cook fresh crab and lobster on the beach over an open fire which you can buy for a couple of dollars. It’s enormously relaxing. We're using the time to recuperate from our ongoing illnesses. We've been here 5 weeks now and either one or both of us have been sick for 4 weeks. We've both had major head colds and recurring stomach problems. Today is the first day we have both felt well at the same time. So we're quite happy to chillout here for a few days and do very little.
Hoi An was after all a disaster. As Bill Bryson once said "I have never seen a place so singularly focused on sucking money out of tourists" And it was all done under the guise of a pretty little historic village. At least Nha Trang doesn't pretend to be anything but what it is. Gold Coast, Vietnamese style.
We've also encountered some embarrassing moments involving fellow Aussie tourists that have left us cringing and hoping no one associates us with them.
What is it that makes Australian on holiday behave so badly? Just for the record if you're on holidays in another country it's not acceptable to do any of the following
1. Rate the size of the boobs on all women who walk past in bikinis and then state to your friends that maybe you should just bite the bullet, lower your standards and settle for an average girl. This is especially offensive and hilarious when you yourself are as ugly as a hat full of arseholes.
2. As a 65 year old Tasmanian women get smashed in a beach side bar and then scream like a banshee at the top of your lungs about how you'd "love another bloody cocktail" and then at the top of your voice give detailed descriptions of the stomach surgery you recently had and ordeals of caesarean childbirth. This woman actually managed to clear the bar. How embarrassing.. (as we left we pretended to be French.)
3. Work on your tan so much that you look like that old wrinkled woman from "There's Something about Mary" while a fluffy little dog takes a dump at the end of your deck chair. (We’re still laughing about this girl!)
4. Be a middle aged Aussie bloke with an enormous beer gut who is so drunk you can't stand up and then try to pick up a 20 year old stunning Vietnamese waitress. However gorgeous, witty and charming you think you are when you fart and slur your words, just face it .. SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!
