You know what…I think
my little bubble world is made of steel. Actual steel. Not that cheap plastic
cover that is moulded and painted to look like the real-deal, no, just the
actual real-deal.
See, when I came here
I wasn’t sure if my world of child-like positivity, endless energy and bad
French accents (I like to call it Jess world) could sustain me. I wasn’t sure
if my adventure-lust and bravado were real or just things that had just become
so expected of me that I performed them on autopilot. I didn’t know if smiles and funny quips would be enough to
charm people into looking after me and guiding me through my hopeless grip on
the everyday necessities. In a way that’s why I wanted to come here- to cut
loose all that has propped jess world up thus far and find out if I can run it
on my own, or is it in fact just all front, and performance, or as it has so
endearingly being called several times, unreal, delusional and frankly,
ridiculous.
Well I have news
haters! This place is as real as Bridlington Seaside!…without the
druggies. After almost four months
of isolation, of slowly removing all the props of my previous life, and
rebuilding a support system that mainly is just me, I can say that not much has
changed besides aesthetics. Jess world is rock-solid, real life, klinck klinck,
knock on metal, the real-deal.
My apparently loveable
incompetence has found me in the care of Jeff and his family, just like my
friend at home he calls himself my PA…but in nice way…I don’t make him get me
coffee or do my laundry or anything…although that is an idea…I find myself
still entertaining children with my love of pirates, climbing trees and
adventures, just this time it’s through the translations of a bewildered
looking teacher and I can never be sure if the kids are laughing because
they’ve told them the truth or some wonderful misinterpretation about me being
a pirate and living up a tree- though either way is fine by me! I still make up
songs as I go along and have random outbreaks of dancing, except now they happen
in the classroom and have to involve the A,B,C. I’m still addicted to coffee,
have bad taste in music and think that any problem in life can be solved by a
calculated symbiosis of Shakespeare, Billy Joel and Elton John.
And so the conclusion
I have come to is this…if I am doomed to an eternity of being deliriously happy
and excited 99% of the time and remain naively hopeful, even though slightly
hooked on caffeine, then I think I can handle a few people telling me I live in
a dream world. Yeah I do! It’s awesome…you should get yourself one!
