I got horrendously
lost yesterday. I’m talking like an hour in the wrong direction, no signs for
the place I’m going, damn I really need a pee lost.
The worst thing is I
was going somewhere I go all the time. I know the way. I just had a brainwave
when I was driving about a new road I could try that I was convinced would
shorten my trip and involve less traffic lights. Alas! The gods had other
things in mind for me. How was I supposed to know that ring roads aren’t
actually in the exact shape of a ring?! And I know what you’re thinking-
typical woman driver, but I actually have an ok sense of direction. In the
broadly general sweeping sense of the word anyway. At home, I know that if the
sign says Newcastle I’m going north and if it says The south, then I’ve gone
too far.
So, Jess, you’re in
Japan! JAPAN. You can’t get lost in Japan because you have absolutely no
comprehension of the geography beyond your schools. You don’t have a map. Oh,
and you don’t speak the language! I guess I was getting a little cocky when I
thought I’d just give it a go and reward myself with a cheeky starbucks when I
got to my destination earlier than expected. I thought to myself- hmm innovative driving- Jess you’re
really growing up! Get you…your Dad would be so proud!
One hour later and my
innovation is getting really creative as I drive past place names I don’t
recognise, a building with a giant watermelon on top and what looks like a
whole warehouse devoted to Elvis. By this time I am dying for the loo so I stop
at a remote convenience store. I get back in the car with a not so satisfyingly
cheeky can of coffee (times like this totally justify falling off the wagon by
the way!) and a map sketched on the back of my receipt.
I followed the map. I
found a farm.
Now unless ‘Morioka wa
doko des ka?’ means ‘take me to your sheep leader’, then I think one of us got
something wrong. So now I feel like I’m stuck in some chick flick where I am a
preppy city girl fresh out of school on some crazy adventure on daddy’s credit
card and all I want to do is find a shopping mall so I can have a coffee and
feel normal for a few hours!!!!! I pulled the car over and tried to screw on a
brain. By this point I had no idea what was up, down, left or right I’d been on
that many un-ring shaped ring roads. So I did what any girl guide would do, I
used the only thing on the landscape I recognised to get my bearings. The
volcano. Not the handiest of things given its round and looks pretty much the same
from any direction, but none the less it worked!
By the time I go to
shopping I was Elle woods graduating Harvard Law, I was Julia Roberts on the
fire escape with Mr Gear and that one from mean girls who starts nice, goes
mean, then gets nice again. Well maybe not, but still, I liked my little
innovative drive…I did it on purpose really…
