Today, it's been six months since I started this trip... and today, I'm back in Spain, back in Madrid... I'm coming for a friend's wedding, as planned.... but I'm also considering this trip over, finished... and this was not planned...
I was supposed to travel for 1 year... And here I am, announcing an early end of this trip, knowing it's the best, yet quite unable to explain why, unable to admit an error... But fortunately I've honesly looked at this ackward feeling... it's my ego, it doesn't like to fail, it holds to its own views, justify them at all costs, even when they are wrong... The ego ties you, it makes you anxious, it slows down learning... So today, I'm gonna laugh at my ego, I'm gonna laugh at myself... and I'm going to like it, I'm gonna enjoy it, I'm gonna learn from it.
When I started, my idea of travelling was happiness in itself, nice in itself, useful in itself, an end in itself... I would't openly say it like that, but it was just there hiding in my unconcious... and this unrecognized idea was part of the reason I started this trip, part of the reason that kept moving from place to place... it was part of my ego strategy for happiness.
I did travel, at first I enjoyed it a lot, as we all do when we achieve what we think it's good for us... But, after a while, you get used to travel, you get used to it as much as you get used to a car, to a status... It's no longer what it was at the beginning... it's a new routine, still lacking true purpose, seeing nice places is your new standard, that's simply what is normal... And you keep moving, travelling is supposed to be cool, everyone thinks so, people even envy you... just as with a car or a status... but it's no longer giving you real happiness... and you feel strange, you feel something is wrong somewhere, but you don't know where... maybe in next place it would be better, maybe another car, a higher status, going shopping... You try to find solutions out there... you make a lot of effort to reach those solutions, yet none of them lasts... we try solutions without truly analyzing the problem...
Every problem you experience has causes, but we only see the external causes... If we get angry watching a football match, we blame the players... But our problems have also internal causes... we don't recognize the simple fact that we trust our happiness to a football team, the ego doesn't allow you to recognize that... it holds its own views, it keeps you tied... You have little control over the external cause of the problem... but you can reduce the internal cause of your problem... You just have to be honest with yourself, honestly looking inside... And that's what I've done, and by doing so, I haven't failed... I have actually succeeded!
I've learned a lot in this trip... that was the true objective... what I really wanted. I have still a lot to learn, and I now know that I no longer need to travel to do so. However, once, travelling truly helped... two years ago, in Nepal, I read a book which compared Western and Buddhist philosophy, I read just for curiosity... a few things sounded a bit strange, but much of Buddhism made a lot of sense... And the best is that I didn't have to believe anything of it... the Buddha himself said "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense"... Since then, I've seen much of this philosophy as logic, true, good, practical, useful in everyday life... it has influenced my way of thinking, my level of happiness... Buddha also said that his teachings are just a map, they are not the territory... the territory you have to discover it on your own...
I know some would be probably quite surprised, but I felt I couldn't finish this blog without giving credit to what has inspired me so much... Anyhow, in this territory of life, whether you look at any map or not... I wish you find success, I wish you find happiness...
