for the time preceding my trip here, i had been in 'deconstructing Tiffany' mode
i have been busy taking a big fat heavy black wrecking ball to everything in my life that i no longer like or want to be there--most of all the person i used to be.
i tore down some yellow bricked walls. i took down some privacy bars that were around my rock broken windows. i unlocked some doors...then tore them off the frames. i removed flooring and then the sub-floor. i took a chainsaw to the framing and a hammer to what the saw couldn't touch.
i burned the rubbish until all that was left was me. standing in the place where an old house used to be. then i got undressed and laid down in the field that surrounded it. i laid there bare-naked and comfortable just letting the grass tickle my face and enjoying the warmth of the still burning embers.
funny how as you take little steps through life you progress when you don't even know that you're moving at all. it's like you're standing still--or maybe lying (what you think is) still in a field and life just decides that if you aren't going to move--it's going to move you.
so--i'm not sure when the reconstruction started to happen. i'm not sure when i decided to get up from my little naked place. i'm not sure when i decided that walking around naked is the only way i want to walk from now on, but that's what happened. i got up. naked. and started walking.
and i walked to a tree and i cut it down. and i created a stud. and then another one. and i poured a new foundation and nailed the stud to it. and then another one. and another.
i put a roof on. and then some drywall. i created a garden. i painted the outside...i put up some curtains. i opened them and then the window that they covered. i let the sun come in on my nakedness...and i don't want to cover it.
i like my new little house. it's full of glass. it overlooks the river of my words. it's colored with the art of my eyes. it's warmed with the sound of my smile. it's deep in the forest of my mind.
it's my home. and i like the new one. it's unfamiliar in a lot of ways. it smells funny from the new paint. it's weird to be re-constructed and still standing here naked at the same time. and i really like it. i really fucking like it.
