This one might be weird for any of you to read...it's really a letter to myself, about myself, so forgive me if it's "too much". it's really not for you. :)
There are some things about me that I noticed while being here--and some that I have noticed how much I love. Like, my eyes. The color of them--the size of them. The way they see things. They way they love and empathize. How deep they are. The door/window they are. What they lead to. What they show others. The light they give out when they smile. The way they speak "me". The way they YELL "me". The softness in which they say "me". My eyelashes. How long they are. How "mom" they are. How feminine they are. How they look when black. How they laugh. How I laugh. How I smile. How sincere and unfake it is. How it shows my heart. How it shows my love. How the combination of my mouth and eyes speak and show every essence of my being.
I'm falling completely in love with who I am--really falling in love with her, not just the idea of who I WANT to be, but who she is right now...in THIS moment. She's gorgeous. Inside GORGEOUS--light, loving--full of love and life and a thirst to give it, show it, experience it--and then do it more--over and over. To everyone. She's sexy, head to toe--beautifully put together. Funny, witty with a great sense of humor and ability to laugh at herself and life. She's calm and at peace right now--even facing so many questions and trials when arriving at home--she's CALM. Stretched to a new comfortable place.
I'm listening to music that I put together--I have GREAT taste in music. I love my choices--in everything. Music, art, people, work--LIFE.
I realized so clearly on this trip what an architect I am. My photos SHOUT it, but it's not all they say. They say I am many things. I have many ways of being talented--reallly talented. And I'm happy with that, and that I don't stop with one thing, but am always wanting more.
I always want to grow and learn more and this is what I know will make me successful and keep me YOUNG. I don't give up. On ANYTHING. This time I'm committed to not giving up on Me. She's fucking AMAzING. I am the perfect me--right now. Fingernail to toenail. Hair to freckle to zit to scar to tattoo. Without change. Perfect. Now. Without ONE change. And I love her. Deeply.
I see her and I am stunned by her simpleness, sweetness and beauty. Stunned. Wow. How good does THAT feel?
I can't wait to get home and watch how she tackles the stress--and how I know she's laugh at it and maybe let it bother her for one moment, but how in the second one she'll shake it off and keep moving on along.
I can't wait to sleep with her--naked in my bed--touch her, wake with her, see the way she wakes up with that beautiful smile on her face recognizing the beauty in the birds that sing her into the morning. I can't wait to see her tossled hair and the way her sleepy eyes look. And I can't wait to bathe her with bubble baths fit for a princess--candles, music and all. And then get out and watch her in front of a mirror and revel in every beautiful curve. Every femininity, every finger touching, drying, caring for her--watching her every womanliness.
And then I will dress her in what I have and make her clothed in the beauty of confidence and kindness. I will step her into shoes that generate an unbreakable stature and pull on a smile that could shatter earth.
And then I will watch as she dances out into the world with both arms stretched up to heaven and with the doors of her heart wide open--and the windows in her mind. And while she's open to everything around her, with a lightness and energy that magnetifies everything surrounding her, I will protect her with the strength of an army. I will care for her with the tenderness of a mother lion with her cubs.
I will not allow her to be broken by hurts. I will not allow her to stagnate in a state of fear. I will stand beside her when she needs a friend, behind her when she needs a push and in front of her when she needs to walk with her eyes closed.
I will be her lover. I will make her vibrate with sexuality that could stop traffic but equipped with a humility that doesn't so much as require a look from another being in order to be fulfilled. I will dance inside her with the music of God and give her peace of spirit and mind. She will resonate with strength and compassion and empathy and will not emanate one judgement from her being for she is saturated with empathy for human kind and she has the forgiveness that only can come from the connectivity with God and Unconditional Love.
I will be her and she will be me. There is NOTHING that anyone or anything else on this or any other planet will give her that will be more than this. This is my third and final marriage. My marriage to her. My marriage to Me.
Hey...they say the "third time is a charm, right?" :)
I'm coming home totally in love with her. That feels like something I've never felt before....I'd say that was the "perfect Way Home"
