Finding out my train is 6 hours instead of 4 has made me happy. I don't think i'm ready for a new place just yet. I need more time with my thoughts. I haven't felt this relaxed in months, so much worry at home and with another 3 hours of this journey i am releaved. Despite sspending most of my life by myself, i never feel alone, so many thoughts, things to do, i don't have the ability to sit quilt free. And now as i drift through forest with the sun flickering on my face, i feel no pressure. I know when i get off this train the lists will start to build, where i should go, how many pictures, checklists, over and over in my head. I love the train journeys, you see so much, but it's all a glimse, if i ould click my fingers id stop the train, run down to that pond and dip my toes in, or follow that path into the forest and take a deep breath of air, holding it until it flows through my viens all the way to my feet, silence. So before that thought escapes, excuse me...
I think i've realised my obsession with the sky, the fact you can't touch it, you can never have it and i think somehow i know that but by taking photos of it i can keep it, have a piece, a cloud, a sunset. I'm that person that digs her fingers into buckets of gems, bags f seeds, cold soil, i run my hand along banisters, rubs holes in plastic bags because u like the feel so much. I wiggle my toes in sand, splash my feet in river and put my ffet against cold windows. I can't comprehend the thought of not experiencing something without my hands. The wind is the closest thing i have, winding through my fingers as i splay my hands out, trying to capture smells, wondering if it's different here than back home.
