So i am ashamed to say that the inspiration behind this oh-very-creative title was P.O.D, the band i listened to when i was in 7th grade. They were bad-ass, talking about god and all...Don't judge me! it was 7th grade...and maybe a few more years after. Don't even point out the logic. (if i listened to it in 7th grade, how could i remember the words? i would obviously have had to listen to the music recently...) My response: 7th grade was only a few years ago for me!!
i am afraid i may be losing some of my sarcasm. sometimes i wake up during the night in a cold sweat just thinking about it. i have been trying so hard to get my students to understand things, simple things, and have not been able to be sarcastic (b/c that boggles their minds for some reason) so i feel like i am wasting my brain cells (because all of my brain cells are sarcastic). yes, teaching has made me that bitter that i use brain cells as a reason to not teach. it is not my calling, especially when i only try to be friends with everyone, which brings me to another story...
In pretty much the only class that i enjoy teaching, there is...oh-you-guessed-it, a boy, who is very good at English and helps me study. i would say we are getting to know each other. at first, i will admit, i was interested in what would come of it, he's cute and nice and understands most of what i say. He also had a quality that made me very interested. He was mysterious. He would look at me sometimes and i would have no clue what he's thinking. i would ask "hey, what are you thinking?" (the subtle person i am) and he would say "oh, nothing" For some reason, it made me want him more. Then a few nights ago, maybe a week ago, i don't know, he said he wanted to confess something. he did it through e-mail (oh you chinese people and using technology to communicate)....it was scary, that e-mail...i shuder even thinking about it. he said he loved me........................................................................... yeah. my thoughts exactly. who the fuck would say that to me????!!!! so i did what any girl named Sarah Judith Hewitt would do. i ignored it, and did not mention it. i thought i did a good job of just letting it die. that is, until he asked me how i felt a few days later. i did not tell him how i felt, because the truth is, i didn't know. he was no longer appealing in any way because he lost his mysteriousness. he was no longer the unattainable. so finally, like two, three nights ago, i told him i only wanted to be his friend. since then he has avoided the heck out of me. lovely story. so i feel like a pathetic little girl because by ignoring things, i sort of led him on. and then i emotionally kicked him in the balls. i feel bad, yet, the masochistic part in me is just jumping for joy because HA! the little boy told me he loved me and he expected me to say that i loved him back? Dumb ass! i don't even know him well enough for that.
that is all i want to say on that topic. i feel a little uncomfortable just thinking about it. in other news, the hotel sucks. reebs was in the hospital and is recovering slowly. i officially suck at Chinese. i am excited for beijing. the weather is like ohio. tyler has an awesome class with two really cute guys that are good at english and i don't have the courage to ask them to help me study (since i lost my friend who would normally help, and yes i know i only ask boys to help me study). i have one class i really like, the others make me feel like i am constantly PMSing because they make me happy one week then piss me off the next. i got my hair cut and i love it. 10 kuai. reebs and i go running at night with our friend yao. she's awesome. and that's basically it.
