There is no pretty way to say that word. Even with the most charming of accents, that word comes out with the ferocity of a vagina with teeth (has anyone seen that movie? I recently found it in a DVD store and laughed heartily for about 10 minutes).
I've dealt with my fair share of racism in my life. And long ago I decided that it wasn't for me. There was no point in the Southern racism that leads people to cut eyes or make nasty comments toward someone they don't know. I'm a bigger fan of such actions toward people who are absolute imbeciles.
The racism I've dealt with in China is of a whole different variety. It's kind of an inferiority complex, I think. Chinese people who don't like Westerners a. have no trouble figuring out who isn't Chinese and b. usually have some degree of leverage to make certain tasks very difficult, if not impossible.
So, that's what happened today. I went to the post office to buy a box. I need to mail some stuff home, and it generally takes a couple of months to actually reach home, so I wanted to start getting rid of things now. I went to a lady (who was very nice) and pointed to phrase in my book and made the shape of a box with my hands while saying "BIG!" in Chinese. She pointed me to the proper person and I proceeded to wait in a line that continued to be usurped by impatient Chinese people. When I finally got to the front, I pointed to the word that the other lady had showed me, and made the box motion again.
She just said, "Mei you," without really looking at me.
"MEI YOU? I can SEE the stack of boxes! How can you tell me you don't have any?" (that was in English; I was getting mad).
I called my friend Kara. Who agreed to talk to the lady and try to sort out why.
A conversation that was much longer than it should have been followed with Kara not wholly understanding, the woman saying that they did indeed have boxes, but still not giving me one.
"I just looked up the word she kept saying, Lea. It means 'give up'."
"WHAT?!"
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I think she's just being an asshole because you're white."
Practically in tears, I agreed. There was nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could say (because she would have just laughed had I cursed her out in English and the thought of cursing her out in Chinese didn't even cross my mind).
"Do you have a Chinese friend you can call?"
"Yeah, but I don't want to go back to her. I doubt anything will change."
And now I'm home. Letting it all out via my personal ramblings on the internet. Regardless of how much control they have over my life, my English will always be superior. And they won't understand this enough to block it.
