Is it that much of a SLOWLIFE? I’m in Nha Trang on assignment.
Yes I’m staying in five-star luxury, in a room fit for Napoleon, but I’m
feeling more like dynamite than dynasty.
Having spent a day discovering just how the Six Senses Ana Mandara resort has seized
on its company philosophy (or repackaged
marketing ploy) of S.L.O.W.L.I.F.E (Sustainable, Local, Organic, Wholesome,
Learning, Inspiring, Fun, Exciting), I’m beginning to beg: “slow the fuck
down”.
Having arrived in style after a 6.05am departure from HCMC
after a 16-hour weekend of screaming at kids, I was expecting a gentle day
relaxing on the beach or by the pool. Denied a sleeping space until 12.30pm, I
was shown the breakfast buffet. That was OK by me, until being confronted by
the mumbling Geordie and pontificating Frenchman that called themselves hotel
management. “We’ve arranged an all day tour for you now and tomorrow you will wake
at 5am to catch the local market in full swing”. Five in the morning? Come
again?
The all day tour was like dying slowly from a testicular
aneurysm. I found interesting the noodle, conical hat, mat and rice paper
making – what I didn’t savour was how our tour guide took on the role of the
psychopath from the film Seven
forcing me to stuff my face at the lunchtime buffet. Nor did I enjoy his
insistence that I try chon – weasel-regurgitated
coffee.
Having got through that I’m now off to… yep, you guessed it
- eat again. If my gut explodes before I return please return my lower
intestine to the postmark below:
Xuan,
Please Don’t Take Offense
Vietnam,
Forever
