At the Okay Guesthouse where I stayed in Phnom Penh, there’s a restaurant on the ground floor and a great place to meet fellow travelers. Just that night Amanda and I were having dinner and Ken from NZ sat down at our table. He’s older than my Dad but we hit it off once the conversation got started. When he found out that I had graduated, worked for a year, quit and came here, he immediately knew what I was up to, or rather, what I was trying to look for. His advice to us both was “Be yourself.” It might sound like a huge cliché but at this juncture of my life, these 2 words couldn’t come at a better time. It’s a time for me to reflect, recharge and gain perspective. He also said that by making the decision to take this trip, I was already on my way and I’d probably be able to “be myself”. Well I hope so. So many of us get lost and if we do find true contentment in our lives, that’s something others can’t take away.
We also got to talking about our respective cultures and societal norms and it was extremely insightful to hear about the different perspectives coming from Amanda and Ken. When it came to the topic of arranged marriages, Amanda said that she would comply even though she did not feel for the guy. What struck me was how this girl, who was so independent and had a gungho attitude about everything (she loves traveling alone, tries all kinda stuff which she’d never seen from roadside stalls and is doing post-grad studies in Spanish literature – how rare is that?), could actually agree to an arranged marriage with a guy she’d never met just because it was her ‘duty’ to be a filial daughter and dutiful wife. To her, marriage is a “job” just like any other job. I’m not judging her and saying that she should/should not comply but what was interesting to me was that to her, societal and familial obligations were more important than her personal ambitions and dreams. I guess that was a reflection of her collectivistic culture. Ken isn’t married and he had an exact opposite view on the matter. I guess for me, it’s a mixture of collectivistic/individualistic cultures because as much as I could understand what Amanda meant about society expecting her to be married and become a mother (eventually), I could not fathom her willingness to comply just like that, like any other “job”. Of course, there isn’t any wrong or right in these decisions – they are a reflection of our backgrounds and they are how we lead our lives.
In those 3 hours I think I gained a fair bit by talking to them both.
