UBUNTU "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu

after being back in the states for a little over a couple weeks, i have had some time to put into perspective my trip and the effect it had on me and my psyche. the hardest thing i had to learn in africa, was that i - msjensmith - have limitations. i suppose i had that childlike mentality on most of my travels that told me i was invincible and could handle anything and what i failed to realize is that i am an adult who is vulnerable to my surroundings.
all of you know africa has been such a passion of mine for so many years and i had almost romanticized the continent. arriving and realizing things weren't as i thought they would seem and realizing nearly immediately that i wasn't going to be able to handle it didn't really do me any good because although i made those realizations, i wasn't willing to do anything about them. i didn't want to admit defeat. i didn't want to admit that this super human world traveler i had painted myself to be was on the verge of a mental breakdown and it nearly cost me my sobriety.
there were things in africa i never wrote about because i simply couldn't handle the heartbreak and i didn't want to subject any of you to it. i have already received many comments since returning home about one blog imparticular - that it was rough and hard to read - but to be quite honest, as harsh as that was, it wasn't anywhere near the harsh reality of other things not to be mentioned. africa was devastating and so beautiful all at the same time. i experienced some very beautiful moments in my life there - priceless things that i will never forget and will always be dear to my heart - but there was a price to pay for that beauty.
the blessing i have now, is the clarity of knowing my limits. the fact that i now truly cherish each day of my sobriety and although it may be tough, it is and must stay the most important thing in my life. it's been almost a year now without a drink and there is a reason they tell you in the program to not make any drastic changes in your life in the first year - because to have realized i was powerless over alcohol, to realize i have character defects and must work daily to be honest with myself, and then to realize i have limits while in a foreign country, away from my support group and family has all taken me on such an emotional journey. i feel like i have died and come back to life so many times this year, but finally - in this moment, i am breathing, i am living an honest life and i am living a life of love, peace, and joy. for the first time ever, i can say and truly believe "there is no place like home." i am so thankful to be back and i thank all of you for your constant support on this journey.