Well I have made to the other side of the retreat and I have to say it was such an amzing experience....yesterday I walked down a highway with 2 women i met - one who was 20 and traveling for 8 months and 1 who was 61 and lives in a hut on an island. We realized that there we were walking 70km in the rain on the highway in hot Thailand....and we were SO HAPPY!!!!!!
I found out about the retreat center from a friend I met in Bangkok and I knew it was what I needed. It was confirmed I was in the right placew when there was a couple there that i met in bangkok (cosmis community) and I had a sleeping pad in my room - which i have been looking fo for w aweek! It was a place to really settle my head, reconnect spiritually, strengthen my practice, and put me on the path I choose to be on and surrounded by like minded people.
The days began with the LOUD bell ringing at 4 am and you rose up from your cement bed and wooden bed and peeked out from your mosquito net to make sure you wouldnt hurt anythig alive on the ground below. Meditation started at 4:30 in the morning. The days consisted of NO TALKING, 3 dharma talks, yoga, at least 8 hours of walking, sitting, and standing meditation (sleeping was not allowed) 2 meals (Except 1 day), love and kindenss meditation, chanting, chores and a little more meditation here and there:) The 9th day are there was to do was meditate - this was the longest!
Some people hear the word meditation or retreat and they think - relaxation. Well this was not what it was about....it was hard work. From the Buddhist Philosophy to live their lifestyle you need to be free from suffering to see the truth. SO we were all there to face our suffering, deal with it, and let go, while using AnnaPannaSiti meditation techniques.
Well I came into it a bit fragile and the first day felt more like the first day of school. ALL your insecurities come up - you wander what poeple are thinking, are they lookng at you funny, what should you wear, judgin who looks nice or mean, thinking who will make it through the 10 days who will not, etc etc. Basically avoiding. It took me about a day to realize that everybody has stuff they are dealing with and I am the least of there worries!
Then the real stuff comes up and through preserverence, lots of sitting, effort, concentration I feel I released a lot....all the silly stuff that bounces around your monkey mind
The settin of the place was magical! The best part was I sat in the front row of the meditation hall that had open walls (To avoid distraction) and right in from of my was a small pond. In the pond there was a lotus flower and frogs. The lotus flower represents the buddah because these flowers grow in mud and dirt and garbage...but they blossom through it and turn into an amazing flower. The lotus is like the gem or the pure heart we all have inside us. And the mud and garbage is all the suffering, insecurities, attachments, worries, cravings, and clingings that prevents our hearts to shine and ultimately see the truth and allow us to be here now. The truth, generally speaking in this tradition is referred to as the Dharmma or Nature. There is no good or bad in nature...it just is what it is and it does what it is supposed. No ego!
OK so I got off track a little with a quick lesson:
So anyway, all week I got to see the flowers start to pop out of the water and bloom though out the day, The amazing part was that in the first few days there was no flower and as things started to become a little cleare with in all the participants of the retreat the flower started to bloom. Another amazing thing that I saw was two frogs making love over and over again. When they do this they ceate foam pockets. On about the eight day there were the tinniest little frogs hoppig around. they were amazing they were the size of ants...and even more amazing was they keep producing more and more tadpoles and I saw a litle puddle of tadpoles pop out there legs for the first time and take there first hops:)
The whole place was magical and the center and those who live there are in such harmony with nature. the rain came and left at perfect moments and the land provides the most amazing food!!!!!!!!! ANd oh so many colors!!! There were also hot springs that we could use. men and women were seperate always! In our spring there was clay and by the end all the women were givng themselves facials!
I saw a creature that looked like a dinosaur, lived with ghekkos and frogs (after coming to peace with them), stopped hollaring when a bat came through my room, bathed in a surong with buckets of water in the sunshine, kept silent for 10 days, moved slowly, cried a lot, sat and talked with monks, met the most amazing people(most would fit well into Bouler!), laughed, watched peoples hearts break through and shine, and found more peace with in myself, more confidence, act with more mindfulness and am more settled into my traveling life.
There is soooo much more i could write about this experience but it is really hard to put in words. Each day, several times, there were opperuntites for cermonies and prayers and sending love and kindness. Please know that i often prayed for you...and all living creatures.
At the end about 75% made it throug - it was kind of like the TV show survivor but people voted themselves off. On day 11 after a tour and breakefast and meditaion and such a few of us celebrated with some organic dark chocolate from boulder colorado!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was the choclate fairy:)
Below are some words I wrote down from the week that inspired me:
- Happiness is NOW
- NO ME NO MY!
-So THINK as if your every thought were to be etched in fire upon the sky for all to see for so in truth
So SPEAK as if the world entire were but a single ear intent on hearing what yu say and so, in truth, it is
So DO as if every deed were to recoil upon your heads, and so in truth, it does
So WISH as if you were the wish And so, in truth, you are
So LIVE as if god himself had a need of you his life. And so, in truth, he does
- Ignorance gives rise to contact
Contact gives rise to feeling
feeling gives rise to craving
craving gives rise to attachment
Attachment gives rise to becoming
Becoming gives rise to suffering
Suffering gives rise to ignorance
- Patience burns up defilements
- One ought not to long for what has passed away Nor be anxious over things that are yet to come. The past has left us, the future has net yet arrived.
- PRACTICE: I intend not to take away any breath, not take way what is not given, or abuse others beloved, harm others by speech, or harm my consciousness with itoxicating substannces!
whew!
Well after 13 days of cold bucket "baths/showers", sleeping on cement, and wondering around the monestary it is time to move on and head towards the orphanage and then I believe I am going to go to INDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you all for reading (especially this long one) I know that I miss everybody SO VERY much!!!!
More Soon
BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and HOPEFULY pictures soon....evrything is a long process to get done and lts of patience...it has taken me miles and miles and days and days and i still cant send a package!
