How to Build a Snowman
By Joshua Fitzgerald
Firstly, take a carload of women with you to build a snowman. Four different sets of opinion and instruction really helps a guy focus on the task at hand.
Avoid communication. Just start doing your own thing, either individually or in separate groups. This way you’ll have several small projects going at once and one will surely succeed.
Grossly underestimate just how heavy snow it. In fact if possible, eliminate the knowledge that snow is water, and that when you pack it tight it becomes really, really heavy. Having the foresight to realise that a snowball one meter in diameter will weigh over 400 kilograms only reduces your snowman's potential size.
Before commencing any snowman building activities spend the first part of your day tobogganing. Make sure you don’t wear any protective gear and run around in the fresh powder so that you’re a little exhausted even before you begin.
Start a snowball fight every 7-8 minutes. Remember they are just girls, they throw like girls and most of their snowballs are well off target even at close range.
Have some wild conceptions about what you want your finished snowman to look like. Presume you will be able to easily find suitable buttons for your snowman even though there are meters of snow blanketing the ground.
Finally after building something bigger than Ben Hur, in an idyllic setting of snow dusted pines and fresh white powder, have a bunch of kids ruin said idyllic scenery and spoil all photos by being in the background.
The End.
