today i feel so happy and content to be alone. it's not some overwhelmingly joyous feeling. i'm not 'in love' with it. i'm just calm and at peace with it. i don't know when i've felt this calm about being alone--maybe never.
much of this trip has been spent that way and i have truly grown to appreciate how i feel when i'm just by myself. there are people all around me here--i could talk to anyone and typically do, but not this time. i'm happy to not talk for once. i'm happy to NOT connect for once--and happier still that i don't feel a 'need' to.
i LOVE traveling alone. no hassle--no waiting for someone else or worrying if they want to go where i want to go, or eat what or where i want to eat. i can take as long as i want to getting ready or not get ready at all. i love it.
yesterday while at the tuilleries gardens, there were three women obviously traveling together and one had stopped to take a photo. one of the other ones called back to her and said, "you're gonna have to let us know when you're taking a picture break". woah nelly! they'd be waiting for me allll day long.
i love that i came alone. i even love that i don't have as much money as i wanted to have on this trip. i realize so clearly how little it takes for me to survive and be happy and it's showing me day by day how strong i am--how capable i am--and that there's really nothing to be afraid of. i can do ANYTHING that i choose to. it does give a new, more 'grown-up' sense of self--and a rejuvinated vigor toward being home and making my life work and falling in love with it again.
i also realize that this time in my life is the time for me to really focus on my business and my finances. it's not a time to be focused on a relationship at all. i just need to focus on everything surrounding me when i get home. nothing and noone else. no more 'tiddlywinks' with my company. i'm ready to come home and get this shit going.
work stuff has piled up since i've been here--more of a 'pile' than i frankly want to (or will) list here, but i'm taking it pretty well actually and again trying to focus on one solution at a time rather than trying to build an empire out of rubble in one day. i will make it work. i know what i have in me--it's just been focused in the wrong direction. it's been focused on what i've been 'missing' instead of what i already have. i already have everything in this world that i need....sitting right here.
