GPzMike Abroad

Some of you may know that I used to smoke. Smoked quite a lot, actually. 2 packs a day, with a pack of clove cigarettes thrown in for good measure from time to time.

But back then we didn't stop working to have a smoke. You smoked. You worked. If you were doing a remodel in a situation where you couldn't smoke then you smoked on your breaks. Breaks were at 10am, 12pm, 3pm. Between those times, if you were, say, working to remodel a client's bathroom, you hitched up your knickers and did not smoke.

Fast forward 20 years to Haiti. To a new crop of smokers brought up in an era where smoking is something you have to do 50ft from any doorway - something that's almost impossible to do anywhere but the middle of the Nevada desert.

Recently I've had a difference of opinion with two different volunteers about smoking. Neither instance on their own grabbed me as strange, but now that I've had it happen twice it dawns on me that this is a strange new phenomena.

Here's what happened:
Instance 1:
We are working. Rose is having a bad day. It's about 9:30am. She announces she's going to go have a smoke. I tell her 'No - you can smoke and keep working or you can wait for break in 30 minutes and have a smoke then.' She didn't particularly like that and we were edgy around one another the rest of the day.

Instance 2:
We are at a school site. We are there to begin digging the foundation of the school. After I measure out the site I realize that the grading is not complete since the area is not actually large enough to accommodate an 84'x20' structure. We call back to base and have a tap-tap (pickup truck) come out to bring us back to base. We wait for 30 minutes - maybe even more. We arrive back at base by 10:45am. We still have 45 minutes before we break for lunch and we've not done a single work-like thing all morning. I outline some cleanup/organizing things that my team can do around the base until lunch while I confer with staff and figure out what we are going to do about the school site and what my crew will do for the afternoon session.

My team starts work but Rubble Jen is missing. I find her in the smoking lounge enjoying a smoke with her Staff Member boyfriend. I tell her that she needs to help the team with the work. She responds that she will...as soon as she finishes her smoke. I tell her 'No. You can work while you smoke, so lets go.' She says 'No.' I say, 'Fine, don't bother trying to sign up on a school site in the future.' No support from the Staff Member at all on that one, either. But then he's a smoker, too - and one of the 'evolved' ones I guess to boot. And he's the boyfriend. Some things do indeed trump work. 'Carnal Knowledge' is one of them.

Remember: THE CREW HAD NOT DONE A LICK OF WORK ALL MORNING AND HAD JUST GOT DONE SITTING IN THE BACK OF A PICKUP FOR THE PAST 25 MINUTES.

Give me a &$(#@ break.

So here's the crux of it: since when did having a smoke trump working? When did all you smokers become a bunch of lazy whining wankers?

Listen up you pansy assed milquetoast smokers: you are ruining the image of who and what being a smoker is. Put down the cigarettes and back away from the lighter if you can't uphold the long and illustrious image of 'being a smoker'. Smokers do not biotch dance their way thru the day taking a 10 minute break every hour (it takes 7 min to smoke a cigarette and 3 minutes at BEST to go from your workplace to your designated smoking station).

But especially in Haiti, where there are no smoking laws - and where we are all working outside anyway - you people that call yourselves 'smokers' should step up and accept your addiction like a good addict: become a functioning addict and learn to work while smoking. Or quit smoking. Or smoke at the designated break times during the day.

I guess in the end here's what I've learned about smokers:

Smoking has evolved into a new art form: it is the new bastion of the slacker.

Oh how I long for the good ole days. (Never thought I'd live long enough to say that)

There, I've said my piece. Now can we go back to being friends? So what if I'm an a-hole and you're a slacker.