GPzMike Abroad

t+40

HAITI | Friday, 25 March 2011 | Views [270] | Comments [3]

There are many long-timers that seem to be hitting their personal limit on being here in Haiti. The reasons are varied: funds or mental or emotional induced are the common ones.

Hell, I'm only a month - well, okay, 1.5 months - into my second stint and I'm feeling cracks in the veneer. For me, though, it's been the food. Which I find strange because I'm not much of a foodie. Most of my eating is done on a subsistence sort of level so this place would seem to fit me pretty well. But it does not. The same 6 or 7 dishes over and over for lunch and dinner for months on end does NOT sit well with me mentally. If the fair was better (can anyone out there spell burrito?), then I might be singing a different tune. It doesn't help that I just plain don't find the food all that yummy to begin with.

I have been moody lately. It's not a good sign, nor is it something I like in myself. Strip away much of the crap of 21st century living and I am left with nowhere to hide from these damnable demons. It's really a strange sort of moodiness, too. Not one I'm so used to. Perhaps others have seen it in me in some other guise, but I've not been aware of of this particular type. I start out saying something to someone but by the time I'm done with the couple of statements I'm spittin' venom. I don't go in thinking I'm mad or that I'm gonna be mad or that I need to get mad to get the point across. Yet suddenly there I am: mad.

Comments

1

Maybe it's getting to be time for a change of venue. How do you like sushi?

Hang in there brother. Strip away all of the 21st century crap, and all you've got is you. Embrace yourself and the demons too. Maybe you've got reason to be mad. In any case: mull it over, then forgive yourself for it, and keep going. The fact that you're mindful of it is 90% of the work. I'm sure you're doing fine.

Love you man.

J

Jon Mar 25, 2011 3:36 PM

2

Sometimes the basic creature comforts (or lack there of) can create a basic overall level of upset that lies just below the surface of awareness. We are not aware of our level of agravation until something, usually unrelated disturbs the overlying level of calm. When that happens, the reaction can far outweigh the cause and result in an eruption of emotion. OK, in English: it could be that you are stressed out by the living conditions there and it was made more obvious by your trip home?

A suggestion - see if you can do anything to make it more tolerable. Can you find any spices to add to the food to give it more variety? Try experimenting a bit. I know there is probably not much of a selection there, but there may be a few things that you can find. Of course you will want to be careful regarding the source, but I suspect there are a few other options out there. It could be a new game for you :-).

Hang in there and I know it is hard but every time you feel the "mad " coming on, try to stop yourself and ask what is the reason? What about this situation is like some other situation I have experienced in the past? Is the person, the conversation or the sequence of events like some other person, conversation or sequence of events that I have experienced in the past?

Sometimes that kind of self reflection will help get to the bottom of the feelings and let one figure out what is really going on and why. Then knowing that, it can be dealt with on a more efficient and rational basis.

I hope this helps. If you think any of this might be useful, try it. If not, just consider it more of my useless ramblings. Keep your head up and know that we are all thinking about you and willing to support you any way we can.

Jim Mar 26, 2011 12:37 AM

3

You're so good at creating order out of chaos on an ordinary project. If you're in the middle of a huge amount of chaos, I guess it'd be real trying after a while. Is that part of what's getting to you? Any way to create little daily spots of peace, consistently, for yourself? Hang in there, Mike. You know you've already made a difference. Robin & Fred

Robin Reiner Mar 27, 2011 4:24 AM