GPzMike Abroad

I made a meeting note last night. While the content of the note was valid and worthy, the presentation was angry. That is what I want to explore.

Why so much anger? Most of it gets directed at myself and is unwarranted AND counterproductive. This is not something new, but I'm just reflecting on it - perhaps I'm seeing it in a new set of circumstances and that makes it more visible to myself.

The moment in question - the meeting note - is rather an easy one. Somewhere along the line I decided that stupid actions, or stupid people, should be met with anger. Disdainful, contemptuous anger.

Here's a great example of another kind of anger I gravitate toward in my communication: Jaaan came up to me a moment ago and wanted to talk about the design of the school desks. He visited school 5 yesterday and many of the seat portion of the desk are bowing and breaking because the kids are standing on the seats and there is no support under the 3/4" plywood. My first response?

"Not our problem. The teachers need to keep the fucking kids off the desks. I mean, really. How is it my problem that they can't keep the fucking kids under control?"

Then I told Jaaan, "Okay, now that I've given you my 'disdainful and contemptuous' answer, lets talk about a potential solution."

Why do I feel compelled to go to anger as a means of communication? How does that help me to communicate my ideas and opinions? Does it pique the interest of the listener and focus them better? Does it make what I've got to say seem more important? Does it make what I say carry more weight - giving it that 'listen to ME, I'VE got something IMPORTANT to say' panache?

So then, turning all that around: in a nutshell - my self esteem must be in the toilet.