It’s back! Are you kidding me?! One spot, very obviously staph infection. This is so discouraging. I prayed, I took meds, I’ve used it as a testimony. This is horrible! I’m so upset. I don’t get it. Why?! I thought I was done. I always used God as the reason for healing. Grace of God, etc. What’d I do wrong? Is it because I didn’t remember to take the meds all the time? God why aren’t you protecting me? Why are you letting me have this? How is this showing me your love? You don’t make any sense! I can’t stand it! It’s a struggle either way. One’s just worst.
God isn’t against me. Maybe He’s showing me what’s in my body in the easiest way for me to handle. I know He’s having mercy on me. He is protecting me. It was just really hard to see that when I saw a new mark under my arm a month after dealing with it the first time. I trust that God is there and that He’s helping me. He’s kept the pain down and He’s giving me the knowledge of how to spot it, deal with it, and be safe with quarantining myself. He’s also blessed me with a leader who is a nurse so she, by the greatness of her heart (*cough*suckup*cough*), looks up names of medicine online and how much I should take. Truthfully my biggest problem is worrying about the girls. As soon as I find out about this I wash all my clothes and blankets. I’m really careful where my clothes touch and if I’ve worn them at all I actually keep them on my bed so no one else touches them. I do laundry every night and shower twice a day. I’m so careful! And sometimes I do feel like the girls kind of shy away from me but rightfully so I suppose. I don’t want them to get this! If one of them had it instead of me I’d be really careful what I touched because it might spread to me. I emailed home and asked my family to pray for the team so that they’d be safe. I’ll be fine. I’ll take my meds and it’ll go away. It could be worse.
