As a woman traveler I have been confronted and challenged by what I saw happening between Asian girls and women, and western men. Indeed some people I have spoken with have felt the same and choose not to travel in Asia for this reason.
Asia is well known for its sex trade, young pretty girlfriends and brides. The women are expert at the art of flirting. Men’s egos lap it up (or are confronted by it). I have sat for hours in restaurants, coffee shops and bars observing the different relationships and interactions. Some are very respectful, but most very shallow and short lived I am guessing. I saw blank faces, strained conversations and awkward silence! There is something very sad and pathetic about these situations, these people. It is also very confronting to my personal values. It has been quite a challenge for me to observe and accept the way things are here. At times I have felt physically sick at the sight of these men with the young women here. I have spoken with many people on this topic and it is true that others find it repulsive (sorry but that’s the only word I can find). A few men, I chatted with who had their own sense of integrity did not want to travel in Asia because they were constantly assumed to be on the hunt or associated with these men.
But it is what it is; you either close your eyes to it, or go to places where it is not so much ‘in your face’.
Thailand: sex capital of the world for men. It is similar in Cambodia and also the Philippines and Vietnam etc; men come to these countries for self satisfaction, validation and in some way to feel Ok about themselves or simply just to have a ‘good time’. Many are short term holiday makers, others regular visitors and others end up staying or taking home an Asian bride. (I apologize to the people who do find genuine love here…I am generalizing of course)
Many men in Asia fall victim to the pretty bar girls whose sole intent is to marry a man from the “west”. Some hook up with Asian women, get married and become ex-pats where they establish businesses and spend their years flying backwards and forwards to visit family and get a dose of “home” then return back to Asia where they have seemingly more kudos and status than “back home”, and where their money is a small fortune compared with the economy of the west. Some take their brides home with them, and there are many different outcomes associated with this arrangement.
In all the major cities in Asia the bars and streets are lined with prostitutes, taxi girls and ‘hopefuls’. They follow men, skillfully flirt and offer fun, their prettiness and their bodies to make money to exist or develop their futures. I am told in most cases these women are dedicated to providing income for their families. According to Thai women I have spoken with, it is an easy way of making quick money and avoiding hardship. It can be selfless act if you see it in this way. Many adapt to this life style with the hope that the ‘big old white man’ will save them from a limited future and marry them or take them away to the west (the Asian dream) or simply just fill their pockets and provide a ‘luxurious’ life style, far beyond most Asian women’s expectations of their futures.
There are many young (and older) men from Europe who spend their winters in Asia and return each year to their Asian girlfriends. I can’t count the number of times I heard these girls tell me that; “We are getting married next year”…I wonder how many actually do, or is it just a promise, and a well established fantasy from both sides.
Whether it is a life style choice or within the sex industry, which is now part of the economy, I see thousands of young women giving themselves for money in return for sex and/or company for these men. Mostly I am told make the choice, but of course there are the young girls who do not and are used by ‘brokers’ who line their own pockets. Refugees from neighboring countries may be sold by their families or kidnapped. One child in my project in Cambodia was sold to a German pedophile by her father for $200. In this case an NGO dealing with such cases found her in Phnom Penh and rescued her. She now lives in an orphanage, but the father and man involved got away without penalty. (If you have money in Asia bribes can get you out of trouble with the police.)
I am confronted by my own judgment of these men and some of the women (as many are also “using” men). It has been one of the most challenging issues of my travel experience. Acceptance of difference is one of the benefits of travel. There is much being done to keep children safe in Asia. There are brochures in hotel rooms etc, and organizations set up to counter act the corruption in this industry but it is deeply entrenched in the culture of Asia.
So I go back to the words; “God help me to change the things I can, and accept the things I can not, and have the wisdom to recognize the difference”.
