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The Adventures of the Curious One

Oh, don't worry, the drinks are on the house

SERBIA | Saturday, 1 November 2014 | Views [385]

I have become quite the expert of going on dates which have an unlikely chance of any positive outcome unless that outcome is me never seeing them again.

And yesterday’s date was another addition to my book of self-pity and possible self-reflection.

We had met two days prior at the club. He asked for my number, and with no phone at his disposal memorized my digits. Which, I must say, was highly impressive. I received a phone call from him the next day.

Alas, the day had come when I would meet up with Aca at the lake. I had forgotten what he had looked like, as it was dark at our initial meeting and upon looking at him, I was pleased to find that he was an attractive man.

Within the first five minutes he explained that he was a personal trainer, and asked that if it would be okay if he disrobe his shirt from his body, as he was accumulating sweat on his chest. Naturally, I allowed this as I respect the discomforting emotions attached to excessive sweating. He disrobed, draped his shirt on one shoulder and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. He looked down towards his stomach and started caressing his abs. I was unsure if he was removing excess sweat or if he was stroking himself to verify his profession. In order to cement his claims he said, “when I am training someone I show them my body and ask them what parts of me do they want to have.” Which I felt was a gateway statement for the continuation of the one-sided discussion of his abs. More specifically, the discussion included but was not limited to the shape, the bumps and the origins of their formation. But then, but then out of nowhere, he said,  ” You are a little fat but that is okay because you will better in bed”.  

I just stared at him. I knew he wasn’t being intentionally cruel, you could see that he was simply stating something he felt to be true… IN THE MOST BLUNT AND INAPPROPRIATE WAY. Naturally, my thoughts at that moment left me at a crossroad. I could stop, turn around and go home or I could stay and make him pay. And as I was developing my strategy, he continued rambling the brands his body was currently sporting- Gucci sunglasses, Armani bracelet, Calvin Klein underwear, and other items which I failed to store in my perplexed mind.

We made it to a cafe. Great. I then ordered the most expensive drinks and snacks,  as I wished slowly suck out each penny from his Fendi wallet. He removed his sunglasses and crossed his legs as his fingers were folded together, rested on the table. I felt a though I was seated in a business meeting. DING DING DING. He stated that from our initial meeting, my energy drew him in and claimed that we balanced each other. This energy balance, he stated, was a rare gem and felt that we should capitalize on what we have found. Perhaps we should engage in the act of holy matrimony as where he would be able to obtain special papers which would allow myself and him to join our energies in Canada. More specifically, he felt that we potentially would build a gym, where I would be the Manager and he, the personal trainer.  I was initially surprised that he assigned me a position of power and authority of our gym. Which he then explained was a necessary step since he is in debt due to his gambling addiction.

Ah yes, of course, the gambling addiction.

The rest of our date we spent hopping from one cafe to the next, as he felt the need to show me how recognizable and popular he was amongst the lake people. As we cafe-hopped, I continued to order my expensive drinks and internally smirk as I politely engaged in our recycled conversations of himself.

The date then came to an end. I thanked him for the rich and mentally fulfilling date, while also mentioning my thanks for him purchasing all my beverages and assorted snacks. He replied that it was no problem at all, since he knew all the owners at each cafe resulting in every drink being on “the house”.

Tags: belgrade, clubs, dating, disco, europe, lakes, men, relationships

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