About a week ago, Mallory and I were going about our 5:00 in the morning business (that's what time we wake up every day). We were over by the girls' dorm and we notice a huge pile of something covered with flies. Much to our joy, it turns out that Indian rats are huge. The dead rat was about the thickness of a loaf of bread and about as long as Nalgene bottle - don't even get us started on the thickness of the tail. THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION. The rat could have easily worn a decent-sized coat and tie. Billy and Tobin can vouch for us on this one.
Let's pause the rat story for a second to tell you about our dear Australian mate, Vaughn. Vaughn if you are reading this: 1. we don't know how to spell your name and 2. we haven't heard from you and thats not ok and 3. we miss you lets face it...anyways, so Vaughn came all the way from the down under with 4 other adults but decided to hang with us instead. We told him about the rat and the 5 of us arrived at the most logical conclusion. see below for details...
Well first off. The rat's name was definitely Templeton. Why wasn't he still back on the farm hanging with Charlotte and her web you might be asking yourself? Simple. He was on the run from Tony the Cheese. (Based on the appearance of the body Mal and I concluded that he had been thrown from the balcony of the dorm (probably by one of the girls which is totally gross but nevermind that)). Tony the Cheese has been running a mob outfit here in India. No country is safe. We suggest you invest in some fine mozzarella. He can't be destroyed, he can only be appeased. Basically we have come to the conclusion that Templeton was unable to provide the Feta that he owed Tony the Cheese. He feebly offered some American but Tony was not pleased. Hence, that fateful morning (of mourning) in late June, Templeton's body was found. No autopsy was conducted due to the abduction of his remains by the afternoon. Authorities suspect local dogs.
Vaughn we hope you are reading this and have enjoyed this literary snack. G'bye mate! Goodbye sweet Templeton.
