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Living the Dream

Flash Gordon (of pain)

INDONESIA | Tuesday, 24 July 2012 | Views [237]

So living on top of a mountain in a country that add whitener to all skin products and hate bacon there is no surprise when I say there is no beauty treatments here that I have back home. Yes I am talking about waxing. So while I was home this time I got the lady I got to in Newmachar to get me bottled wax so I can keep my bikini line in check between trip to the western worlds. And I mean what’s the worst that can happen!!!!

I mean how hard can it be, heat the wax, prepare the area I want to wax with powder and once its ready pull the wax off. Jobs a good one. Well so I thought. As I hadn’t been feeling so good of late I wanted Gobey to help me with my waxing. So while Gobey was watching his show first I thought I would heat the wax. So the first stint in the micro was a minute. Second stint was 30seconds. Third stint was 30seconds and just for good measure the forth stint was another 30seconds. And yes you read right – 2minutes 30 of hot wax is now ready. So while the micro was blasting out the last 30seconds I was getting myself ready. I shout at Gobey to grab the wax when it binges to bring it in and I will be ready. And I can assure you right now, I was no prepared for what came next.

Knicks are off and I am powered and ready to go, well so I thought. I tell Gobey that I want to do the left side and this time just to pour the wax on the side as last time the wax was setting too quickly (if only I knew this time would be different). Within seconds of Gobey pouring the overheated extremely hot wax on my very sensitive area of skin, I am squealing like a pig. The wax is so hot I jump which in turn makes the wax move further over my leg and straight to my ass. And yes I should have worn knickers as it might have saved me to some level. But I didn’t and now the hot wax is burning its way through my skin and going hard. My ass is sticking together and all Gobey can do is hold my hand and tell me it will be ok. I am sorry to say it is not ok my leg is on fire and I am crying like a baby. And do you know what the worse thing about hot wax burning your skin??? It needs to come off once it’s dry. And the only way to remove wax from the skin – pulling it off. I am not ready for it but it needs to be done. And the only person to get it off is Gobey.

Gobey is now scared to pull the wax off but there is no other choice. All he has to do it make it quick as the skin is red raw and this will push me over the edge. I am surprised we haven’t had anyone knock on the door asking what the hell is going on. So with nothing else to do Gobey starts to pull the wax off. HOLLY MOTHER it is the worse pain, I can’t even explain how painful it was to pull the wax off. Gobey is looking mortified as he pulls off the wax, skin and blood is following with it and me screaming with tears.

Once my tears have stopped and the blood I am left on the bed with the sorest groin in the world. I have no choice but to ask Gobey to look at the damage. The damage looks like a flash Gordon symbol in blood red from the side of my bikini line to my ass. Painful as hell and I can’t walk. And just to push me over the edge Gobey rubs cream in. It was so painful.

So in all, hair won’t be growing back where the skin has been ripped off (yes it is one way to keep the hair from re-growing but not something I would recommend to anyone). Won’t be doing this any time soon and as a quick note, don’t heat the wax for 2minutes 30 EVER again.  

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