Its been roughly 2 weeks since I've gotten here. The excitment of traveling coupled with the nerves of leaving has started to fade. The honeymoon faze is beginnging to end. I've started grappling more and more when this feeling of loneliness. Surrounded by people, drugs, and a new setting is starting to get a bit monotonous. I've also started coming to the realization that this hostel that I'm working at isn't where I need to be. After watching person after person enter this revolving door, and leave towards a new sense of excitment, I can help but feel trapped. Its ironic really. I leave all attachment, only to find myself shackled by a decision I've made. Being free isn't just about letting go once, its about letting go constantly. The only reason I'm still here is because I feel some obligation to stay true to my word. I told the hostel owner I'd be here till February 2nd, and when I decided that I wanted to leave 2 weeks earlier, he flipped. I got an extremely passive aggressive email stating that I wasn't being true to what I had said... In a sense he's right. His words forced me to look at my promise, and because of that I gave him an extra week to find someone else. In all actuality though, I dont owe this man anything. He specifically stated in his online profile that if you like to leave early, just give me a 2 weeks heads up. Oh well. Now, instead of celebrating New Years in the famous Rio, I will be celebrating it in the underwhelming world that is Sao Paulo. Oh well, its just a day. And I've accepted my decision and will learn from it. As depressing as this is coming off, I'm still having a good time, and experiencing a lot. All is still well, and will always be well as long as I do not play victim to my expectations of how things should be.
