Mare

Sunday morning I headed out with detailed instructions on how to get to the Melbourne airport.  They included which stops to change trams at, and where the Sky Bus was located to get me to the airport in “20 minutes or less for 20 dollars or less” and a small map of the city in case I somehow got lost between tram stops.  What they did NOT tell me was what to do when I got to Flinder’s street station on the edge of the city and was told by the conductor (are they called conductors on a tram) to get off because he couldn’t go any further.  Because of construction.  Through the whole city.  My “detailed instructions” didn’t include any information on what do when a small Asian girl approached me and my plane ticket and asked me what to do.  Nor did they have any directions on how to deal with the fact that the Asian girl introduced herself (Brittany…I know right?) and proceeded to follow me wherever I went because due to language barriers she apparently confused my determination and frustrated sighs with wisdom.

Easy mistake.

After 6 random trams, Brittany tore away from me towards the big red “Sky Bus” sign that I had been looking for, for over an hour.  Good thing I had left a lot of wiggle room.

I made it to the airport.  But not after riding the Sky Bus with a bunch of Germans, one of which asked for a pen and then never gave it back.  Another translation problem I think.  Borrow apparently meant have in this case.

The flight was alright.  At least hen the 16 small children that were around me WEREN’T crying and screaming.  Which was only about never.

Paris met me at the gate and I forgot about my headache as I got lost in the list of things Paris had planned for us for the next 4 days.

We seemed to drive forever but I didn’t mind.  The scenery was better than anything I’d ever seen.  It was better than Lord of the Rings.  LIVE.  In 3D.

I can’t believe I just used that example.

Pretend I didn’t.

Anyway when you look out your window when you’re driving through Mullumbimby and Byron Bay and Ocean Shores and Federal (these are the names I proudly remember of towns we drove through) there’s first a row of trees, and then a cliff, and then below that cliff are rolling hills and on those hills are rolling cows (no not really, they stand still but it’d be funnier if they rolled no?) and those cows are standing among trees and beyond those trees is the beach and beyond the beach is the ocean and beyond the ocean is the Easternly most point of Australia (where the light house is in Byron Bay) and beyond the Easternly most point of Australia is more ocean and beyond that ocean is the pale outline of mountains.

I gawked.

That’s the only word for it.

Except when I was concentrating on not freaking out because Paris was driving on the wrong side of the road.  Though not really the wrong side.  We just drive on the right side.

They drive on the left side.

So it’s not really WRONG, it’s just not right.

Point is.

GORGEOUS.

So we get to Paris’ house.  Apparently she lives on a farm in the middle of the rainforest.  So when I go home and I have to fill out that little sheet that says “have you been on a farm during your stay” I won’t be allowed to laugh and say “who goes to farms when they travel.  BORING.” Because now I know it’s NOT boring and it’s really just pretty cool.

Minus those horses.  They hated me.

But that’s not here.  I’ll tell you when I’m there.

So we get to Paris’ farm/house/rainforest/abode and her dad and mum are there.  But they aren’t her “dad” and “mum”.  They are “Spider” and “Annabelle”.  It sounds a lot more normal when she says it.

Spider is Mr. Wagoner (right down to the fact that no one knows EXACTLY what he really does for a living) except in Australia and more traveled.  He also looks like Harrison Ford.  At first I kept saying he looks like Robert Redford.  And then when I figured out that that was wrong I said it was Gerald Ford and then Spider laughed at me and put on his Indiana Jones hat and I knew it was Harrison Ford.  And I’m SUPPOSED to be good at this movie stuff!  Ha!

If you don’t believe me that he looks just like him.  Check this out.  www.redbead.com.au

That’s him there in the photo.  Harrison Ford obviously doesn’t dress in all black that and is generally dodging fire and swinging from ropes but you get the idea.

Anyway all you really need to know is that Spider used to work for Mac which makes him cool no matter what else there is to know about him.  AKA the rest is irrelevant.

Annabelle is very sweet and offered me anything I wanted and some things I didn’t want but that she thought everyone should have.

We had rice and curry the first night.  It was a new experience for me.  But it wasn’t spicy curry so it was delicious and I’m not afraid of it anymore.

I slept downstairs with the giant lizard.

It wasn’t really giant, it was actually cute and they don’t OWN it, it just liked my wall.

I woke up in the morning and it was lying on the pillow next to me though and it stuck it’s tongue out.  I was a little frightened but only because he was watching me sleep.  He was too cute to be scared of.

The first day (Monday) was full of people I don’t know and can’t remember any names, so bear with me.

We picked up Paris’ Amy whose name is Bridie (Bry-dee) and who is running away to be in the circus.  Well she isn’t running but she is an aspiring circus girl.  But not Circ du Soleil because apparently that’s the McDonald’s of the circus world.

One of Spider’s “sheeps” had a flower pot stuck to it’s leg so he wrastled it to the ground and cut it off with Bridie.  The sheep mainly just snorted but I liked them.

We first went to Spider and Annabelle’s friend’s house.  I think one of them was named Dave.  But even if he wasn’t we will call him that.  He is a photographer and his wife was an interior designer and they had built her dream home.  It was mainly Spanish looking but was very tasteful.

It had one of those pools that goes right up to the edge of a drop off and overlooks those rolling hills, cows, trees, beach, Byron Bay and mountains like I had described before.  Gorgeous is what I’m getting at.

We had “come around for tea” which I think is hilarious.  People first of all don’t “come around” in the US and secondly they don’t drink tea together.  I had some tea and a hot cross bun.

I didn’t sing though because that would have been embarrassing.

What if they don’t sing that song?

Around noon we left there and went to Ocean Shores which apparently “isn’t a very good beach” but was beautiful to me.  It was practically empty because the surf is full of rips and isn’t very good for swimming but I didn’t mind.  It was just pretty to look at.  We ate lunch with a bunch of people who I couldn’t name for the life of me on a blanket under some palm trees.  Bridie, Paris and I took a long walk down the beach and found a jelly fish that you can pick up because it apparently doesn’t sting?  It looked like a breast implant.

Then after that we went to a high school friend of Paris’ house whose parents are good friends with Annabelle and Spider.  We stayed there for dinner and well into the evening until I almost fell asleep.  Their house was really neat too.  It was really two houses and then they built this fancy kitchen thing with huge windows that open up onto the deck and the kitchen table in between the two houses.  They mainly eat outside and there’s just covered walk ways between the houses.  It’s okay though because the weather is generally perfect year round.

Paris’ friend, Emily, looks like Lee Lee Sibeski (I don’t know how to spell that) but that quiet girl from Here on Earth that falls in love with the guy who ISNT as cute as Josh Harnett.  Her boyfriend was basically an Australia Alex Koch.

Paris introduced me to everyone as her American friend, either that or “I’ve met a lot of cool people in Melbourne….exhibit A, Mary”  haha.

I enjoyed it.

If she didn’t introduce me though I was stared at for having a funny accent.

Everyone was interested to know where I was from but lost interest when I said Ohio.

I guess Ohio is boring.

Who would have thought!

The next morning I woke up and found a 2inch by 2inch fuzzy brown and red and gross spider in the bathroom.  I almost fell off the toilet.  Paris said it wouldn’t hurt me and if it did bite me I would be okay but I wasn’t convinced so I kept the bathroom door tightly closed.  And if I DID go in there I inspected all the walls and the door for it until I found it and would keep my eye on it whilst I brushed my teeth or took a shower.  If it so much as moved a leg I jumped three feet in the air.  I think I handled the situation rather well.

I had tea for breakfast (Spider made me into a tea drinker).

PS if you want to get a better feel for the name Spider in regards to Paris’ dad, say it with an Australian accent.  It makes it sound a lot more like a nickname and less like a scary creature you can find on your bathroom wall in Paris’ house.  If you can’t do an Australian accent just do an English one.

We went and picked up Paris’ friend Andrew (Australian Alex Koch) and went to her old school.  It’s a Steiner school which means it’s pretty laid back.  Some of the kids didn’t wear shoes and they call their teachers by their first names.  Then we went and picked up her friend Leia and went to the Byron Bay beach.  I went in and they taught me all about how to find the rocks and avoid the waves (diving under) and didn’t laugh too much when I wiped out or when I had to go back in because I had too much salt water up my nose.

Beaux (who is Paris’ Beaux but may not be her Beaux anymore-it’s debatable) also met us down there.  He seems nice.

We wandered around Byron Bay for a bit after that.  Just imagine Yellow Springs.  Then cut that out and stick it on a beach in Australia and throw in a few extra strung out people and a surf shop and you’ve got Byron Bay.

We had ice cream and I can’t remember anything else we did besides go back home and have dinner and watch some special on how the death penalty in the US is horrible which specifically pictured the Ohio State prison.  Yay Ohio!

Tuesday.

Wait I just did Tuesday.

Wednesday we went BACK to Byron Bay.  Well really Spider and I went to Byron Bay (after some more tea) and then Paris met us there.

There were all these clear bubble looking things with long blue strings hanging off of them ALL over the beach.  I learned these are called “Blue Bottles” and that the blue strings get wrapped around your legs and arms and sting like hell.  They are like jelly fish but aren’t.

I thought that since they were everywhere that we shouldn’t get in the water but this old woman on the beach (that Spider and Paris knew because they know everyone) says that they aren’t IN the water so they convinced me to get in.

I was alright.

No one got hurt but I was terrified.

I asked Spider if he’d ever seen a shark in Byron Bay and he said he’d tell me when we got out of the water.

So when we got out of the water he told me.

Apparently Spider’s friend got married to a man named John Ford and they were on their honeymoon in Byron Bay.  They were scuba diving off the Julian Rocks not far from the shore and were sitting in the water with their feet dangling down and a Great White (which are hardly seen in that area) came and ate John whole.  Just ate him right out of the water.  He had been holding his wife’s hand.

I was ASTOUNDED.

I asked how one gets over a thing like that.  Spider said “you don’t”.

He described it as 8m long, which is pretty long.  He drew it for me in the sand and I can’t even really imagine something being that big.  I guess the fisherman harpooned it and they followed it for 3 or so miles but lost their tie.

So I’ve been thinking about this since he told me.  Did the guy know he was eaten by a shark.  Did he realize what was going on?  Did he have time to think “Oh God I’ve been eaten by a shark” or did he immediately die or go unconscious.  I would like to think he had no idea.  I’d like to think that the last thing that he was aware of is sitting happily in the water with his new wife.

But I don’t know how sharks work.  If they had been able to catch and kill the shark would he possibly have been saved?  Do you think mid being eaten he was aware that a shark was closing it’s jaws around him?  I can’t even fathom it.  I can’t wrap my head around it.  What must his poor wife have gone through?

I literally have lied awake for two nights thinking about this.  It really disturbs me.

Spider says that she was really lucky because she worked for Mac as well, and Mac threw their lawyers around her and kept the press away.  It was a really hot story.  But he tried to look up the story for me online and there really isn’t much.  All that’s on there is uncredible stuff and embellished stories.  There’s a few that says he pushed his wife out of the way but Spider says he had no idea.

I just can’t imagine.

There’s a few that say it threw up the man’s torso and scuba mask and there’s even a few that say they later found the shark dead.

I didn’t ask Spider about it though because I figured it was sensitive.  He did say though that there was a massive hunt for the shark since it was an older shark and they are more likely to come back for more.

Anyway I know it’s silly but I can’t even imagine.

There was a Japanese man who drowned down the beach while I was there.  As in I could see all the commotion that beach was so close.

The water was so calm though and Paris said there weren’t any rips so I’m not sure what happened.

There was also a ship wreck shortly before I got there and Spider found what he figured was part of the wreckage on the beach.

 

Anyway

Wednesday we went to Minnion falls which were pretty but we had a choices of a 6 hour hike or a 12 hour hike to get any closer and you weren’t allowed wheel chairs which was discriminatory so we opted out. I was walking down to my room when I saw a horse standing in the garden so I called out to Paris 'Paris do you have a horse' and she said "no" and i said "well there's one right here" and she said it was her neighbors. It didn't like me at all. I tried to get to my room but it snorted at me and tried to come up the stairs. So I just let it stand there and eat it's grass until it was done. I took a picture. He didn't like that either. Camera shy, those horses.

 

Anyway in the end I had a terribly good time.

It’s now really late and I’m really tired so I’ll probably go to bed now.