Feeding the fire within

In my soft dress, on the harsh ground, under tree in bloom and the cloudless sky, I sat. Eternities were spent on staring at the restless moving leaves as the wind gently swayed them around. I was trained to be entertained by nothing. I thought scrutinizing and recalling every single detail of each branch was more than satisfying. Each backyard treasure was imbued with fragrant white waxy flowers-little gems- complementing the glossy, yet stale leaves. My mum used to call me her little gem but as I became ignorant to the pervading scent each common blossom created-she became ignorant to my presence.

Ignorance represented eagerness. An eagerness for seeking pleasure caused by spontaneity. The environment I was in never did- and never could- bring me comfort… I fell asleep by allowing my imagination to fulfill my appetite for adventure. In my dreams, I was not just simply a shadow- always following and looking for the light- but I was a precious chessboard piece. I was as wise as an old monk. I was as special as a little gem. I could not shine in the dark, but I could set myself free.

I thought my sleeping ritual would never be disturbed, but the sound of a second lasting, gentle melody made the dream world turn into a reality. Precious, light rocks were being thrown at my window. I could not think who it might be. I jumped up from my bed and quietly headed for the window. At the sight of three spontaneous, superlative, special souls and two orange cones at both sides of my house gate- I could not stop grinning. For the first time, the earthquake inside my body was neither caused by pressure nor stress. My heart was pounding as if it wanted to break free. It was physically growing. Thoughtlessly, I grabbed my coat, my house keys and my uggs. Wasting time on tying dirty shoelaces would have been unforgivable.

Firstly, I was ecstatic. I was about to sneak out during the night like an outgoing teenager; something I have only seen in movies. Secondly, I was scared. I felt fear because every protagonist has to face a difficultly. Thirdly, I was sad. I was fully aware I had to treasure every second of my adventure; after a second passes, it is impossible to live the same second again. So when I hesitantly reached for the cold front door handle, I promised myself I would only spread warmth once I was outside. I would face every situation like a task aimed to challenge my positivity because, after all, this was the first day I truly felt like a little gem.